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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents of mixed race children

85 replies

Iamnotagoddess · 19/05/2019 16:33

I have two older children who are white (as am I) and a son who is mixed race.

Is it just me or do people behave a bit differently towards you when look nothing like your child?

Parents evenings the teachers always seemed to direct the comments etc to DS dad (as if I was a step parent) and I took DS to a dental appointment a while ago and the Orthodontist asked me three times who I was....?

OP posts:
Seeleyboo · 19/05/2019 16:49

I've experienced this. One work colleague actually stated to me that she could see that I was the mother of B and C but no way A unless I was lying about who's father A was. Angry

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 19/05/2019 16:51

I have a DS and a DD as well as DS2 and someone said to me “oooh you’ve got one of each!” Shock

OP posts:
dontsufferfools · 19/05/2019 16:51

All the time!! My middle boy is mixed race in a sea of blonde siblings.

What makes me laugh are the CF who outright ask where he gets his colour from. It really pisses me off. Like I'm gonna tell 'em my whole life history.

I've learned to ignore it.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 19/05/2019 16:55

DS has a Saturday job and regularly gets asked “where he’s from” and when he says here (the town we live in) they will continue “no originally” Angry

OP posts:
BigRedLondonBus · 19/05/2019 16:56

Nope can't say I've experienced this, think it's mor e down to the fact that you have white and mixed race chilcdfen , not just having mixed rAce children

BigRedLondonBus · 19/05/2019 16:56

Children*

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 19/05/2019 16:57

I think the fact I have had both, highlights it more for me because I have a comparison.

OP posts:
Seeleyboo · 19/05/2019 16:59

I'm with OP on this one. I have three older ones and used to have idiots ask me all the time if I was A,s mum or does he have a different dad to B and C as his heritage came through more for his fathers and B and C was more me.

skippy67 · 19/05/2019 17:00

I've never experienced this either.

bumble270 · 19/05/2019 17:01

I'm white British,some slight Italian somewhere in the mix about 4 or 5 generations ago. So I do tan easily, and I have often had the but where "originally" are you from. They don't seem to accept I'm a Northerner in the South as the correct answer Hmm

BigRedLondonBus · 19/05/2019 17:03

I think that's why it's more noticeable, there is a lady near me with 3 children who are white and 2 who are mixed I can see why people may assume they weren't all hers tbh.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 19/05/2019 17:03

I mean noticeable to me - the orthodontist didn’t know I had other children, I just had DS2 with me.

OP posts:
BigRedLondonBus · 19/05/2019 17:09

Ok well I'm in London so very common here so haven't had that experience

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 19/05/2019 17:11

I live somewhere where a very small percentage of the population are not white - about 4% I think Grin

OP posts:
jewel1968 · 19/05/2019 17:17

Yes. I have had similar and I live in London. It might be because I am very pale. People lack imagination.

EleanorOalike · 19/05/2019 17:22

I’m mixed race but very pale, my Dad is black and in his 70s (I’m mid 30s) now instead of strangers realising he’s my Dad they jump straight to the conclusion that he’s my boyfriend/husband Envy (not envy) and we get all sorts of funny looks.

As a child no one batted an eyelid when we were together. Although my skin is much lighter, facially we look very similar and my hair and eyes are very dark and I have very mixed hair. I have one blonde brother and one ginger one with huge age gaps between me and them. Again people tend to assume we are a couple rather than brother and sister!

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 19/05/2019 17:26

I am very fair and DS2 dad is Asian.

DS2 is the spitting image of his dad and is as dark.

OP posts:
Yura · 19/05/2019 17:28

In all fairness, i have that with my youngest. he is ginger, chubby, extrovert. the rest of the family is dark haired, very slim and introvert/shy. people assume he doesn’t belong to us

shartsi · 19/05/2019 17:32

I am often called the kids nanny/ child minder, especially when they were under 5 cos they were pale with straight red hair. Now they look mixed race.

Grasspigeons · 19/05/2019 17:34

In the old days when children were just a name on their parents passport we'd get a bit of interrogation travelling.

Hermie12 · 19/05/2019 17:36

I have 1 daughter she is mixed race. Generally it’s fine but every now and then I face this . When I was out on my own with her I have been asked if she was adopted Hmm

Qsandmore · 19/05/2019 17:39

I haven’t really had anyone saying anything that would indicate they didn’t think they were mine.

I do frequently get “oh where is there dad from” apparently “wales” isn’t the right answer Hmm I get the same as you “originally” Hmm

It doesn’t bother me to say he’s Asian though as long as the motivations are clear curiosity, I’ve asked others for heritage when the child clearly isn’t 100% white.

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 19/05/2019 17:42

No one says anything to me and DP (I'm black and he's white) about our dc. But my friend who is white Irish is always assumed to be her mixed raced kid's nanny/childminder. It, quite rightly, gives her the rage!

formerbabe · 19/05/2019 17:45

No this has never happened to me...maybe because I live in London.

username1724 · 19/05/2019 17:50

Dd is white and ds dad is Asian. I got asked in tescos why he was so dark and she is so pale. I was just a bit mortified, like I'm going to inform them it's because I had sex with 2 different men 🤣 hes only 1 so I imagine there is more to come!