Parents of mixed race children

[Iamnotagoddess]

I have two older children who are white (as am I) and a son who is mixed race.

Is it just me or do people behave a bit differently towards you when look nothing like your child?

Parents evenings the teachers always seemed to direct the comments etc to DS dad (as if I was a step parent) and I took DS to a dental appointment a while ago and the Orthodontist asked me three times who I was....?

Ive has this happen but the opposite way around. I've had people tell me to go back to my own country and others who have asked me where I was from. I'm white British with Caucasian features and green/blue eyes but I tan very easily because of my olive skin tone. DC is white blonde hair blue eyes and I have had more people than I can count ask me if I'm a nanny. More so in summer when I go darker than the oak furniture!

It's not uncommon for childminders to get funny looks and odd comments if they're out with say 4 kids all of different colours! Judgy looks of course, like they must have had each child with four different father's (not that that's relevant anyway).

Personally I just think it's rude, plain and simple rude, to think it's ok to interrogate people about their mis-matched skin and hair colours! You'd think stiff upper lip British reserve would kick in and saying nothing would be deemed the appropriate response but nope, right in there with the 'where are you from' query. I'm such an arsey character at times I might print out a small business card to hand out to people who are hard of understanding, explaining and PA language how it is possible to be black and from Wales and to have not been born somewhere else and for children to pick up different skin tones and hair colour/texture from different parents.

Both me and DH (at the time, he's under the patio now) are dark haired but both our two children got auburn hair which I believe skips generations and they got it. No one has ever asked me about it though - guess I've been lucky!

I used to live in a part of the world where the local people could be quite dark skinned or very light skinned with brown, amber or blue eyes and hair colour from black to literally orange due to the various influences from their own people and visitors from centuries gone by. Never thought to ask anyone if they'd adopted their ginger haired son - just assumed he was theirs!

@Iflyaway it’s third world and even my own mum says don’t bother. It’s not that easy to go to. I went to a sister island and got a better picture though. I also got raised by my dad to disown all heritage from my mum and ‘just be english’ oh the irony being stuck in a country where I don’t know how to be anything else and yet no one will accept it.

Also when I was pregnant with dd the doctors kept mucking up what nationality I was. They were too scared to ask I think as it’s only when I asked for a copy of my maternity notes I was surprised to see all the different nationalities each professional had me down as. They didn’t even seem to go back and check the previous notes just make a new nationality for me up, I had 5 nationalities within the notes, none of them correct and I even had to have extra tests unbeknown to me as the nationalities they incorrectly had me down as required it.
Oh well you do get used to it.

When both my mixed race children were babies, work colleagues admitted that they would never had guessed that they were mine as they looked so white (I'm black and my dh is white).

When my eldest was a toddler there were several occasions when people (strangely it was always Asian women) would question whether I was her mother. Whenever they would say 'are you sure?' I would reply by saying that I didn't have a 56 hour labour and pushed her out of my vagina if she wasn't mine. It got to a point where my daughter would ask me (quite loudly so the particular busy body could hear) 'why does that strange lady keep asking you if you're my mummy?'

My kids skin tone has gotten a bit darker but they are still quite fair skinned, which could be why my dh never really had any similar experiences.

I am mixed race. My first child has exactly my colouring. My white DH was looked at askance once and asked if I wasn't white (I wasn't there), but unless he's kept quiet no one else has ever commented. My second child has exactly my DH's colouring. I've sort of been waiting for someone to comment, but no one has yet. They are 6 and 2, but we do live in a fairly multicultural city (not London).

My mum was asked repeatedly if I was adopted, but that was 30 years ago.

I love the “are you asking me why I’m brown?” come back. That’s classic but only a child could get away with it. We also had an awkward incident once where a member of staff it the nursery mistook the only other brown kid for ours (so did we though, they wore and uniform, had identical hair cuts and looked identical from behind). The poor woman nearly died on the spot though.

It's a nightmare, I was once at the bus stop and an older man told my daughter to stop telling lies as I could not possibly be her mum!!

Nope never get this- again in London.
I did though have an ignorant friend once say to me she would never want mixed race kids as they wouldn’t look like her ....

He’s 17 and he’s getting away with “are you asking me why I’m brown” it’s so bloody rude!

He’s so beautiful as are all my children and wondered if I would struggle to connect with him but I am just so proud of him, he’s such a gentle, kind, clever boy.

He was the best surprise I ever had.

Sadly, some people are just rude.
I look different to my DD due to my cleft lip, but if you look past that you can see we have the same eyes, skin tone, (and hair colour but mine is dyed.) and face shape.

I have had, are you the nanny, childminder or auntie. When I say I am mum they go a bit quiet. One asked if it was a sperm donor job, one has asked if dad is about. I assume they are getting at what one delight told me. "I didn't think people like you had children."

Ignore them, op. Their ignorance.

Why do people want their kids to look like them, anyway? Both my dds are the spit of their dad. I was happy with that, because I love him and imo he is the most beautiful person I have ever seen. When dd1 was younger, she looked like my mum. Just because they are different colours, doesn't mean they can't look like us

My friend is from the Philippines. Her youngest DS is blonde with blue eyes. We were out one day and someone asked if she was the childminder.

Yes, I've had this experience. More so in London that in the smaller town that I've moved to. Outright and react questions about whether I was DC's mother in London, as well as obvious doubt people didn't verbalise. Surprised me, as a Londoner.
It's only happened a couple of times, more subtly, where I now live.

Just because they are different colours, doesn't mean they can't look like us my DD is the image of her dad,
My mixed race nephew is the image of his mum.
Colour Doesn’t come into it

Have DS 9 who is mixed race, I am white British and his Dad is Nigerian. DS was born in England. He is well used to the where are you from comments, tends to anger me more than him.

Also have a DD who is 4. Her father is white South African. She is the spitting image of me. I have been asked many times if I adopted DS and when I was pregnant with DD I got asked by a colleague “will this baby be the same colour as your other one” .

We live in a small village. Backwards in many ways, DS often jokes about being the “only brown in the class”

DD has only in the last few months clocked on that her brother has a different skin colour, she says he’s like a horse and she’s a pig

Only ever had this at school pick up, the children have to point out who has come to collect them, over the years when they have had substitute teachers that do not know the parents and my daughter tries to point me out you can see the substitute teacher looking immediately towards black /Asian parents (my daughter is mixed black African /white British) assuming they must be the parents even when I'm standing feet in front of them.

My daughter picked up on it from the first time , commenting that the teacher doesn't think that your my mum cause I'm brown and your white.

Not me, but a pal of mine is full blooded Spanish (born and raised in the UK, to Spanish parents who moved here in the 1970s.) She is dark haired, brown-eyed, and very exotic (and fecking gorgeous!)

Her DH is fair-skinned, blue-eyed, and blonde.

Their little girl (now 5) takes after her DH - blonde, blue-eyed, and fair skinned. She has literally lost count now, of the amount of people who have asked her if her daughter is adopted, or have assumed she is her childminder or nanny. She gets really annoyed and says 'no, she is MINE.' Then they say 'why does she look nothing like you then?'

So rude.

I knew a woman some years ago in a similar situation, but it was HER that the daughter looked like, (she was blonde and fair skinned,) and people used to 'joke' with her (Italian) husband about the paternity of their child.

Annoying for her, and very upsetting for her husband. As the girl started to get older 10-11 plus, her hair darkened (from blonde to mid brown) and she started to look more like her father, and the comments stopped.

People can be such jackasses!

I get this a lot, people think I’m her nanny 🤣 I’m quite blunt and just say ‘nope just made a baby with a Chinese man’ or if I’m feeling pissy it’s ‘I just cooked her in my oven too long’ 😂

I generally don’t mind unless there’s an undertone to the questions, you can usually tell very quickly who’s genuinely curious and who’s got a touch of racial intolerance about them.

I have 3 mixed race children and never have had this, although when I'm out with my mixed race friend people assume the children are hers so I let her take the fall out for any bad behaviour 😂😂

DH gets this a lot with DS, people actually say things like 'no way are you his father'. DH is Indian and I'm white, DS is also very pale and blonde and looks very like me.

Our older DS looks more like DH (dark hair and skin). The comments don't bother me too much as I was quite myself surprised at how fair DS2 has turned out to be - thought he would look more like DS1!!

My three are mixed race. When I was pushing her in her buggy 24 yrs ago a woman standing next to me at the zebra crossing said .. awwww what a cute little Chinese baby.. where did you buy her from !! (My husband was from S.E. Asia)

However - have to say that that is the ONLY vaguely racially inappropriate remark in 25 yrs. I checked with the kids when discussing this at the weekend. I am please to say that they have NEVER had a single racial slur aimed directly at them (who knows what is said - if anything- behind their backs) .
Racial judgement is fuelled by ignorance and economic deprivation - we are lucky enough to live in a VERY wealthy S.E. town with an extremely high level of education - borne out by the life my children have lived. For which I am very grateful.

Until recently I never knew where my father was from (he's Asian) Growing up I was always asked if I was Spanish, Italian or Greek. My mum was Irish with black hair and blue eyes and olive skin . I just said I was Irish which nobody believed .
I have 3 children. One has olive skin and dark hair. One is blonde with olive skin and one has dark hair and blue eyes but pale skin. Dad is fair with blue eyes.

No one ever believes me when I tell them DD's dad is white 🤔 his dad is Asian, and both DD's dad and her have inherited certain traits that make them look a different race, so I always get asked if she's mine

I never had this in my face (live in london too) but my DD the other day told me kids at school don’t believe I am actually her mum. Her class is very varied/mixed as well so was surprised.

I'm white, my DH is Asian so our kids are mixed race. I suppose they look more Greek or Italian than anything. I've never noticed anyone treat them differently to other kids.