To have spoken to her manager?

[NotPregnantJustAFatty]

NC - don't want family to see my other threads. Penis Beaker, Sistine Chapel wailing etc etc.

I was at the supermarket this morning and as I was getting DS2 out his car seat, an employee was waiting to get into her car, presumably have just finished her shift.

Her: aw he's cute, how old?
Me: thanks, he's 18months.
Her: how many have you got?
Me: just the two.
Her: and you're having another?
Me: errr no.

And then pointing at my belly and smirking, she said - "So is all that left over from the last one?"

I wish I had bloody said something back, but I was just in this weird haze and I couldn't think of something other to say than "yes I guess it is."
I was just completely shocked and angry that a total stranger thought that was appropriate.
And then she was in her car, window went down and she shouted "enjoy motherhood!" as she drove off.

Nearly in tears by this point I went to customer service, the manager was called down. She was really apologetic and mortified that an employee had said that to someone. Took down my details and everything I could remember about the woman, and said she'd call me with an update. I didn't ask for one, but fair enough.

MIL thinks I went too far telling management, and this woman could potentially lose her job over this. She said the woman could be autistic, or have a learning disability. She said I should just suck it up and move on.

But honestly, why should I? Why should I allow a bully to go around saying such nasty things, in her uniform no less? Even if she is autistic or has a learning disability, perhaps management could take this as a training opportunity. And if she is just a bitch, then I wouldn't feel too bad about her losing her job, though I doubt it'll go that far.

AIBU to have complained?

Could we stop with the autism stuff please!

My son has Aspergers, works directly with the public and would NEVER say something like this, though they are often rude and aggressive with him for doing his job.

She was very rude indeed but It was done outside of her work place and outside of her contracted hours so I don’t think it should impact on her job

It's common knowledge that you should watch your behaviour while still in uniform. I'd be surprised if in her induction and staff handbook they didn't mention this. In this case she was even still at her place of employment.

A lot of us who work in uniform put on a non-uniform cardigan or coat when we finish to cover up work uniform and clearly differentiate that we are not working, for this reason.

So in the example above putting a cardigan on is more a more significant indicator of being off shift than getting in a car and driving away?

'I once said to a women when are you due? she said i'm not, patting her stomach she said this is overeating, we were both laughing, she wasn't the least bit offended'.

Bit rude to ask in the first place.

I didn’t take my personal grievance to their employers because the comments weren’t made while they were working.

Many contracts say that if you are in public in your uniform, then you are representing the company and should behave accordingly, even if it's outside of your working hours.

It's incidents like the one in the OP which can cause people to think, "I'm not shopping with them any more!" which is why employers care about their reputation and how their staff reflect that, if they are identifiable.

Having worked in retail, I can guarantee they won’t even try to find out who did it. Instead a general comms will be sent out to get staff to either change out of their uniforms before they leave the premises, or be careful when talking to customers in uniform.

Having said that, I’m not entirely sure what was so offensive about the comment. It sounds like it was meant as a joke but you took it a different way because you are insecure about your weight gain. If you were talking about kids and still look pregnant people are naturally going to ask if you are!

She may be struggling to conceive and took it out on you or she could have just been a cow,you'll never know.What she said to you was out of order though,whatever the reasons behind it.

@TeaKettleBell the point I was badly making about a cardigan was that you were no longer identifiable by your uniform. Although I guess that assumes a big enough cardi and/or neutral enough colour t-shirt type uniform underneath! It's not the same as making a comment on site while in a full, often very obviously coloured (e.g. orange or line green) t-shirt and jumper/fleece with branding clearly visible, before getting into a car, no. And I still think it would be pretty darn stupid to make a comment like that in uniform on site, cardi or no cardi. Or just in general.

You could have called her out in a jokey way therefore informing her you are miffed and getting your own back reporting is so draining on everyone involved

I once said to a women when are you due? she said i'm not, patting her stomach she said this is overeating, we were both laughing, she wasn't the least bit offended

Just FYI I've been in that woman's shoes, laughed it off (because I was busy trying not to make her feel bad for making the mistake) and cried about it when I was in private. I can logic that she didn't mean any offense but it was still very hurtful for me to have been on the receiving end of.

*I know one person who works nights in a supermarket and the only shift anyone does is 9pm til 6am-that's it.

I still wonder whether they should have been parked where the customers park though.*

I worked nights in a supermarket. Most did 10-6, but sometimes people came in halfway through the night. Also some folk started at 6 and finished at lunch time. A number of different shifts are worked in supermarkets with some only doing 4 hours at a time.

There was no colleagues carpark. Everyone just used the same one.

'I once said to a women when are you due? she said i'm not, patting her stomach she said this is overeating, we were both laughing, she wasn't the least bit offended'.

I was asked that once, at a church my DH and I were visiting when on holiday. At this time DH and I didn’t even have DC, and I was struggling to conceive.

I was struggling with both my weight and my inability to conceive. You must never ask questions like that.

Having slept on it, I still feel I made the right decision.
Yes, I wish I had called her out, but I was just stunned. If someone I know was rude to me but not in uniform, I very seriously doubt I'd complain to their place of work.

I've had a few jobs where a uniform was required, and I'll be in uniform while training, and in uniform when I qualify. For all of these positions, I'm expected to behave in a professional manner when in uniform, whether on shift or not.

If I behaved inappropriately or said something nasty while in my student nurse uniform, would you report me?

And the posts about people with autism, I'll speak to MIL about it if it's brought up again. I know she made the point about people with learning disabilities because SIL has an acquired LD and sometimes makes comments about other people's appearance. We'll have an appropriate conversation with her about why what she said was rude, and we'll move on. I suppose "training" was the wrong word, but I was trying to be concise.

First of all, one thoughtless comment does not make someone a bully.
Second, one of the traits of autism in many people is that they have no filter; having supported people with autism for many years, I could write a book with all the comments they have made which many people would deem extremely rude.
'Soontobe, don't have chips today you're getting too fat'
'Soontobe, you should get Botox for those wrinkly eyes'

Whilst I agree that making any comment to a woman about being pregnant, unless you absolutely know that she is, is very dangerous and therefore it's best to keep your mouth shut. In this instance, it could be that the staff member realised what a poor choice of words she used, got embarrassed and then just blurted out an even worse comment to hide her embarrassment. Maybe she just 'smirked' because she was embarrassed. She could be writing her own post on here entitled 'I just made a complete tit of myself didn't I?'
Or she could just be rude.