To have spoken to her manager?

[NotPregnantJustAFatty]

NC - don't want family to see my other threads. Penis Beaker, Sistine Chapel wailing etc etc.

I was at the supermarket this morning and as I was getting DS2 out his car seat, an employee was waiting to get into her car, presumably have just finished her shift.

Her: aw he's cute, how old?
Me: thanks, he's 18months.
Her: how many have you got?
Me: just the two.
Her: and you're having another?
Me: errr no.

And then pointing at my belly and smirking, she said - "So is all that left over from the last one?"

I wish I had bloody said something back, but I was just in this weird haze and I couldn't think of something other to say than "yes I guess it is."
I was just completely shocked and angry that a total stranger thought that was appropriate.
And then she was in her car, window went down and she shouted "enjoy motherhood!" as she drove off.

Nearly in tears by this point I went to customer service, the manager was called down. She was really apologetic and mortified that an employee had said that to someone. Took down my details and everything I could remember about the woman, and said she'd call me with an update. I didn't ask for one, but fair enough.

MIL thinks I went too far telling management, and this woman could potentially lose her job over this. She said the woman could be autistic, or have a learning disability. She said I should just suck it up and move on.

But honestly, why should I? Why should I allow a bully to go around saying such nasty things, in her uniform no less? Even if she is autistic or has a learning disability, perhaps management could take this as a training opportunity. And if she is just a bitch, then I wouldn't feel too bad about her losing her job, though I doubt it'll go that far.

AIBU to have complained?

I'm going to go against the grain and say I dont think you should have reported her. What she said was mean and I totally get why you are upset (I would have been too) but no, I wouldnt have complained to her place of work about it, no.

Wow she really was a nasty bitch.

The employer will want to be aware that An employee is abusing customers is the store car park while wearing her uniform.

Absolutely no excuse for that behaviour- some people are just horrible. I am sure this lady already has a few complaints from staff and customers!!!!

I think you were right to complain.

If she made a mistake, denies the conversation or says it didn't happen like that it makes no difference, she'll still get it into her head that she overstepped the mark. That'll save her upsetting someone else - who may be a bit quicker at giving her a mouthful for it. Her manager will probably just explain they'd had a complaint and explain why what she said was inappropriate.

A few people have said that maybe she didn't have that particular bit of interpersonal skill explained to her. Well, she'll get it explained to her now. Better that than someone shouting and swearing at her in the car park as the next person might!

I've complained in mamas and papas before because I was asked when I was due while I had my 3 month old in the pram I cried after I left the store it was so humiliating

You were absolutely right to complain and I hope it is taken seriously.

A sales assistant in boots once rubbed my belly and asked when I was due. I wasn't because for various reasons, we'd had to put TTC on hold. I emailed their head office and three different managers called to apologise and to tell me they were updating policies and doing in store training to make sure it never happened again. I hope you get a good update.

A family member often works 8-1 or 2 on a sunday in a supermarket

The OP said 'this morning' so I assumed before 12pm. OP said they thought maybe a picker for home delivery which makes sense.

I know one person who works nights in a supermarket and the only shift anyone does is 9pm til 6am-that's it.

I still wonder whether they should have been parked where the customers park though.

Are you upset she said it? Or are you upset because what she said is actually true (considering your username)?

I feel for you yes because she should have never said it. But at the same time. She might be just one of those people who blurts out whatever comes up in their heads. One of those people asked me recently if i was pregnant . But i am not. Just chubby round my waistline. Felt miserable after she asked. But mostly just because i knew what she said was a fair question. I AM very round in my belly area.
I should eat more salads ;)

Yeah nah mum - that seems a bit of a goady post.

Are we really saying that the behaviour of this lady was ok? Has manners and basic decency really fallen that low in society - that nasty horrible comments are ok??

I weep for society.

I hope she does lose her job! Hopefully teach her a lesson

Yeahnahmum - I am overweight. I'm a size 16. But why does that matter?

That doesn't invite people to make comments on my body. Why is an unnecessary and nasty comment acceptable to say because it's true?

I'm autistic and wouldn't have dreamt of saying that. Mind you I think people should keep their beaks shut full stop regarding others appearance.

You hope she loses her job because she asked/implied you were carrying excess baby weight ? ..o....k...

Mental health is not an excuse to be horrible!
It is also rarely the reason people are horrible, despite what is posted by people who have little experience with MH issues on MN.

When I was a retail manager I'd have wanted to know if one of my staff had said this whilst still in uniform and not quite off the premises. I'd be mortified and would definitely follow it up. Retail staff put up with a lot with little opportunity to answer back and I often defend them to the hilt on here, but this is NOT one of those times! The staff member sounds malicious.

I've been on the end of "you're pregnant!" comments before, including once whilst I was behind a till & not visible below the bust. I just smiled, said "no I'm just fat" and got on with it. It's utterly excruciating and very hurtful. It was also an excellent lesson to a few of my sales staff as to why we don't say anything!

YANBU to have complained, she was very rude. Whatever your size, she had no business asking you the question.

Coco I never said I hoped she'd lose her job. I just said I wouldn't feel bad about it, I sincerely doubt it would go further than a reprimand, as that's what would be appropriate for the situation.

I've had the "are you pregnant?" question before. People make mistakes, I can get over that quite quickly because people are usually embarrassed and didn't mean to offend.

Her comment after being told I wasn't pregnant felt deliberate and nasty, that's what upset me.

Surely her manager isn't responsible for what she said in a car park she wasn t working, i wouldn't have reported her, do you really want her to lose her job?
I once said to a women when are you due? she said i'm not, patting her stomach she said this is overeating, we were both laughing, she wasn't the least bit offended.

(Missing point of thread) Where was she meant to park?! Most supermarkets don’t have staff parking 🤔

I'm sorry she upset you. However I don't think you should have reported her. Sometimes people are rude and you just have to shrug it off.

Post pregnancy and pre pregnancies people have implied I'm fat or that I will get fat. It's briefly annoying then I get over it

I'm also Autistic and I'm blunt but that's just bloody rude!!
Also if reference to what your MIL said it really does my head in when people associate rudeness with Autism. Xx

She said the woman could be autistic
This is a VERY odd conclusion to come to. I know lots of autistic people,none of them would behave like this.

I've never understood this attitude that someone's employment is sacrosanct and that you should never do anything that might cause problems with another person's job, no matter how awful they've been. If they can't behave properly (or do the job they're paid to do), they need to be corrected or reprimanded and yes, in some cases even fired. If they've done something bad enough to be fired for it, maybe they'll learn from the experience and make sure they don't lose the next job but they don't "deserve" to keep their job no matter what they do or say. It's not some sort of human right to keep that particular job.

It sounds like she was taking her bad mood out on you, for some reason. No matter what her backstory might be, there's no excuse for being intentionally rude and hurtful to a complete stranger who did nothing to provoke her.

She was very rude indeed but It was done outside of her work place and outside of her contracted hours so I don’t think it should impact on her job. If she had been actually working when she said it I would greet with you but when it’s in her own time it’s really down to you OP to correct her and tell her how out of order she was. I understand why you didn’t but that’s your own issue. It doesn’t strike me as something her employers are responsible for.

I am on the dumpy side and have been mistakenly classed as pregnant more than once. It was annoying and embarrassing and like you I just brushed it off and fumed afterwards. On most occasions I didn’t know who the individuals worked for but even when I did I didn’t take my personal grievance to their employers because the comments weren’t made while they were working.

I think reporting her was OTT, if only because i’ve had ‘are you pregnant ‘ comments galore over the years from people whom I knew to be perfectly well-meaning, albeit entirely tactless.

Even if she is autistic or has a learning disability, perhaps management could take this as a training opportunity

you can’t “train” someone out of autism. I know someone like this with Aspergers and she has no idea she’s being rude, she tries to be friendly and funny and is constantly putting her foot in it. That was my first thought when I read the thread.

I honestly don’t think someone in a customer service job in their uniform would be stupid enough to say something like that unless there was a learning disability issue.