To have spoken to her manager?

[NotPregnantJustAFatty]

NC - don't want family to see my other threads. Penis Beaker, Sistine Chapel wailing etc etc.

I was at the supermarket this morning and as I was getting DS2 out his car seat, an employee was waiting to get into her car, presumably have just finished her shift.

Her: aw he's cute, how old?
Me: thanks, he's 18months.
Her: how many have you got?
Me: just the two.
Her: and you're having another?
Me: errr no.

And then pointing at my belly and smirking, she said - "So is all that left over from the last one?"

I wish I had bloody said something back, but I was just in this weird haze and I couldn't think of something other to say than "yes I guess it is."
I was just completely shocked and angry that a total stranger thought that was appropriate.
And then she was in her car, window went down and she shouted "enjoy motherhood!" as she drove off.

Nearly in tears by this point I went to customer service, the manager was called down. She was really apologetic and mortified that an employee had said that to someone. Took down my details and everything I could remember about the woman, and said she'd call me with an update. I didn't ask for one, but fair enough.

MIL thinks I went too far telling management, and this woman could potentially lose her job over this. She said the woman could be autistic, or have a learning disability. She said I should just suck it up and move on.

But honestly, why should I? Why should I allow a bully to go around saying such nasty things, in her uniform no less? Even if she is autistic or has a learning disability, perhaps management could take this as a training opportunity. And if she is just a bitch, then I wouldn't feel too bad about her losing her job, though I doubt it'll go that far.

AIBU to have complained?

@themiddlestair No. On the contrary it's to illustrate that OP is not making up the thread i.e. trolling when the inevitable accusations are levelled at her.

The whole thing sounds rather odd, but given I read about a delivery/security employee who had a poo outside a customer's house yesterday, it seems nothing is out of bounds these days.

OP, yanbu. Doubt you'll be told much due to GDPA but you didn't over-react.

You were not unreasonable, she was rude and she’s nocked your confidence and made your upset! How disgusting. she likely won’t loose her job just get a stern telling off.

It's rude but I would have laughed it off and forget about it. I agree she probably was just tactless rather than wanting to insult you. Complaining is pointless, she'll deny she said what will be reported back

What Crinkle said. Haven't you ever put your foot in it and been so mortified you dug yourself into a deeper hole? If so, count yourself lucky!

Still it's done now, so probably best you try and forget it.

I doubt I'll get much of an update about the employee, especially with GDPR. But like I said in the op, I didn't ask for one.

I'm not particularly fussed if the manager doesn't call me at all.

If it wasn't for her smirk I would've thought she was just tactless, but her expression was nasty, and really threw me. If she was obviously tactless I could have let it go, but it's done now.

Not nice but move on as a manager you can investigate it do a fact finding interview with them, but they would obviously deny it without proof you can't disicpline.

With the supermarkets being open shortened hours on a Sunday that must have been a very short shift. Or been on nights or started at 0300 or 0400 as I regularly do.....

A family member often works 8-1 or 2 on a sunday in a supermarket

If she is autistic or has a disability, it will be taken into account by her manager so don’t worry about that. You absolutely did the right thing - there is no excuse for that behaviour. Hope you’re ok

she ll probably get a reminder of how to talk to people when in uniform. No, she'll probably get a written warning.

I think the fact she followed it up with the "enjoy motherhood" comment means she didn't realise how inappropriate she's being. She's clearly missed out on learning interpersonal skills, could be something as simple as not having a good role model in early childhood then being socially excluded as a result and not having the opportunity to catch up. Just because she said something that upset you doesn't mean she had any intention of so doing. But she will be judged as being an evil person.

When DS was a few days old we went to M&S to buy a few bits and bobs. The person serving me felt the need to tell me I hadn't lost the baby weight and waved her arms around to suggest I was large. I burst into tears. To make matters worse, customer services couldn't give a shit! I don't shop there anymore! Fuckers

I'm just wondering if she thought you were pregnant and when she realised her mistake just made that comment trying to dig herself out of a hole but made it worse.

That's what I thought.

Sorry, just seen this:

If it wasn't for her smirk I would've thought she was just tactless, but her expression was nasty, and really threw me. If she was obviously tactless I could have let it go, but it's done now.

My mother looked at me and burst out laughing and said "You look like you're about to have another", two days after I gave birth to a 10lb 12oz baby.
She is a complete dream usually, but definitely has a habit of blurting out just what you shouldn't say at times.
I was so cross and told her so!
YANBU OP, the woman was a complete cow.

Unthinking would be being mortified she was wrong. She wasn't even apologetic so she was mean and nasty and well done for complaining.

from my experiences with people within spectrum - the way this came out does not sound like someone without social skills -it sounds manipulative & plain nasty - & deliberate

"Her: and you're having another?
Me: errr no."

And that was the point at which she should have apologised & felt mortified.

These things happen.
I think YABU going to her manager.

Wowsers. The 'enjoy motherhood!' bit at the end is actually quite chilling and weird. YANBU.

I think people genuinely have no idea how being pregnant messes with your body until you are pregnant.
People say stupid things, such is life. Educate and move on.

Yanbu that's horrific.

Shocking comment, I met a friend this week who clearly looked pregnant, she is a careful dresser & usually wears fitted skirts and neat tops, she was wearing a smock top and trousers, she 100% looked pregnant but because she hadn’t told me, I said absolutely nothing. If she is pregnant, I will wait to hear it from her.

It is so rude to comment on a pregnancy unless you have been told the news personally.

Did it occur to you that maybe when she found out you were not expecting she was trying to laugh it off as she felt awkward and did not know what to say. Not slot the manager can do seeing as it was outside of work and short of her saying she said it then it's a he said she said situation. Nothing the company can do other than talk to the employee.

Tricia, her thinking I was pregnant wasn't the hurtful part. People make assumptions, and when they're wrong, they should apologise.
The hurtful part was what she said after.
If she wasn't being deliberately hurtful she should have apologised when she saw my expression.

She was in her work uniform, as such she's representing the company whether she's on shift or not.
I'm a student nurse, if I had said the same to someone even out of uniform I would absolutely be pulled up on it.

I'm not expecting anything to come of it to be honest, I understand it's a he said she said thing. The best I can hope for is that she'll be more careful in the future about what is and isn't appropriate.
Though I sincerely doubt that will happen, given how thoughtless she was at best, and cruel at worst.

YANBU-But please tell your MIL not to say such rude and ignorant things about adults on the autistic spectrum. It isn't helpful to suggest that random rude Muppets might be autistic.