To not understand anxiety!

[Beebeezed]

First time poster here.

I am currently on mat leave but I’m a manager of a company in charge of around 40 staff. In recent years, I have seen a huge increase in staff declaring that they suffer with anxiety. As a company, we do what we can to support these staff and I feel I’m as supportive as I can be. Since going on maternity leave I’ve had time to reflect on my role as a manager and how I can improve and feel that one thing I struggle with is actually empathising genuinely with these staff as I have literally no idea what anxiety feels like. I worry this could prohibit the staff from feeling fully supported. I’ve done a lot of research (mainly at 3am during cluster feeds ) but I’m still at a slight a loss as to what anxiety truly feels like and how it may affect you in the work place. I have felt anxious before but understand this is very different from anxiety

I’d really appreciate you sharing your experiences! And if you do have any suggestions on how your work place could/does support you would be amazing.

Just to clarify, I’m due to return to work soon and this is purely to help me with staff morale and support

My anxiety feels like adrenaline - you have that fight or flight feeling, the adrenaline pumping, the fear, the heart pounding, imagining everything terrifying or bad that could possibly happen (intrusive thoughts) over and over. I feel the worry, the terror, it’s like I’m fighting a war in my own head. It’s crippling, so tiring, I can feel like this for days at a time. I want to walk out the front door but the adrenaline is holding me back, the battle in my head is bringing me down, the palpitations in my heart going on and on. It’s so intense that it’s not a usual adrenaline reaction that can be pushed aside, even basic things like making a meal for my children takes all my energy. There is no trigger, I don’t know what sets it off but it’s like my world comes crashing down on top of me at once.

Sometimes I hyperventilate, it feels like a heart attack, like I am suffocating and my mind and body are fighting over and over.

I don't have this but a colleague who does explained it as like having an overwhelming sense of impending doom, like Fiver felt near the start of Watership Down when he saw the noticeboard at Sandleford warren.

Imagine going to the kitchen to make a drink, turn around and there's a lion in the room with you! The feeling you would get at that moment, is a very similar feeling somebody suffering with anxiety might feel all of a sudden, either bought on by a situation or often perhaps no reason at all! The feeling can just come over you.
Physical symptoms too, heart palpitations, headaches, tense muscles, racing heart!
It's lovely that your trying to learn about it, what a lovely manager you would be.

I do agree with the feelings of doom too!
Feeling as though something alful will happen! Never being in the here and now!

@formerbabe Your comment resonated so strongly with me. My own first experience of what I’ve now carried around for the rest of my life happened in primary school too. I remember it so clearly. I was in Y1 and we were doing a maths worksheet that had pictures of coins on it and you had to add up what all the totals were. I knew I had done them all wrong and absolutely panicked. When everyone else handed theirs in I hid mine down the back of some drawers at the back of the classroom. For the rest of the year I was petrified any time the teacher went near those drawers because I knew she’d find it and then everyone would know how stupid I was. It’s crazy that I’m still even conscious of that 30 years later. I have GAD, but it wasn’t diagnosed until I was 29.

I'm not on citalopram any more - I was taking it for depression, not anxiety; the effect on my anxiety was an unexpected side-effect.
But simply the experience of feeling totally without anxiety has made me feel much better, as I realised that my fears really were unjustified if a pill made them go away like that. Before that, I could tell myself as often as I liked with my rational mind that my fears were unjustified - but deep down I never really believed it. Now I really do, and, in combination with therapy, that has helped enormously.

I also learnt some techniques to deal with the depression that have helped with the anxiety. Previously I never thought of looking for techniques as I had nothing to compare my anxious state with except my previous, worse anxious state - so I thought I wasn't very anxious, until thanks to citalopram I really wasn't anxious!

I've also had weird hearing loss, like my ears pop and briefly it's like being underwater - is that what you mean, Gogreen, or is yours a different kind of weird effect?

I used to get a facial tic sometimes, that is awful if you are socially anxious! Another vicious circle: oh shit, they will see the tic and think it's funny > more anxiety > twitchy face.

I get that raven

And often I end up just frozen. In a can hear (sort of) what is going on around me but can’t move or interact with anyone at all. I am aware of my surroundings but completely detached from them

For me it was overwhelming fear socially and in unfamiliar situations - so much so that I couldn't sleep, felt sick, palms slick with sweat. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

My DD is 10 and has anxiety (diagnosed) which mostly presents as separation anxiety and it is already limiting her life in a lot of ways. She had her first panic attack recently and has experienced physical symptoms which the doctor says are because of her anxiety including stomach pains and diarrhoea. She is having counselling, amongst other things, to try and beat it.

I dont think you're being smug op, I'm pleased that you want to understand anxiety as it is often downplayed and disbelieved.

I've had anxiety for about 12 years now but spent 10 years hiding it and internally drowning. People would have described me as "highly strung". I accessed counselling 2-3 years ago and started taking antianxiety medication. I also started talking openly with people about my experiences.

For me, anxiety is an all encompassing situation where I cant think if anything else. It used to be constant, then almost like "extended panic attacks" that would last over a few days and now thankfully episodes are relatively few and far between.

I would go over and over situations in my head thousands of times incase I had missed something that could go wrong. I repeatedly asked people if it was ok (whatever situation I was worried about) and wanted them to say no as i felt it would give me a sense of justification. I would disaster plan and go over the absolute worst case scenario as I felt that it would happen and I needed to prepare for it. for instance, being mischarged for something and only realising when I got home turned into being prosecuted for stealing, prison sentence, loss of career, loss of home, breakdown of relationship etc. It was never logical and I knew that but at the time it felt like absolute fact.

My heart would race, my hands would shake, my stomach would be upset and I would be one the verge of tears throughout. I would desperately want to sleep for a break from the worry (I have been known to describe it as not having flight or fight but being stuck in freeze). At my lowest point my now DH found me hiding under a table and crying hysterically. There was absolutely no distracting and no amount of mindfulness or discussion could shake me out of it. There was always a voice in my head reminding me that something wasnt right and I didnt deserve head space.

But I was excellent at hiding all this for the most part.

Now a days I'm much better thank goodness. I do have bad days sometimes but not to the extent above. Anxiety is a bitch.

DD hyperventilated, vomits, gets feelings of not being there/real (dissociation), night terrors, and OCD behaviours

Are you doubting that your staff are not fit to work? I mean, I doubt you know what lots of illnesses or conditions feel like.

@Whatevermission

No not at all! They are all fit for work but I want to make sure work is fit for them!

For me, my brain is never quiet. Even when I look like I'm relaxing, my brain is going 100mph, overthinking everything, what if.... What if.... What if....

It gives me terrible IBS, insomnia, tearful, self doubt (which often leads to not doing stuff because I'd rather not do it than be worried about doing it, then worry about whether I've done it right), social anxiety (have I said the wrong thing? made a fool of myself? Offended someone?)

People on mn think you are stupid when you post or don't like you and ignore you on purpose is another anxiety one. Of course nobody will reply to this when they see who posted it.

gogreen, it's interesting you say that about your senses shutting down.

What I find is that (in the same way as you might experience if you witness an horrific accident), everything seems to slow down. So if there's a fraught situation or someone says something off or does something to me or around me that I don't like or whatever... it all slows down, it's as though I'm viewing proceedings from inside a bubble. My verbal response may either be nothing or very limited. I would also be slow to act physically in whatever physical response might be appropriate. I can feel it happening as it's happening.

In a therapy session I identified that this was how I'd felt many years before as a child watching my parents arguing (these arguments would go on for a long time) - there I was, inside a bubble, not knowing what to say, distraught but unable to act, just an observer. That's all it took for me to have lifelong anxiety - no horrendous abuse or anything like that. But I still crack on and do my job (and thankfully am able to do so - I think it's a combination of luck that my anxiety isn't worse along with grim determination!). I consider myself very lucky that I don't have panic attacks or suffer horrendous, debilitating physical symptoms.

Beebeezed I think it's great you've asked the question - sadly many managers have an extremely narrow view of their remit and lack the will to question how well they are developing their management skills. Good managers have a range of skills and good levels of awareness and along with the will to really support their staff, which is what you're trying to do. I find myself acutely aware of colleague's stress levels and how they're feeling which I draw upon within the matrix management situations that are part of my job.

@fizzysci And I bet that makes you slow to respond to topics, so that by the time you add your comment the discussion has more or less fizzled out and you end up being the last one to comment 😂

@ravenmum and when people @you you then get the tingling down your arms and ache in your neck because you are worrying what they think of what you posted.
yes...i kill threads because i'm so horrible.

Anxiety holds me back from many things. For example, I need to renew my passport but feel so anxious about filling in the form. I'd like to study but can't face ringing up colleges or applying. I want to apply for jobs but can't because I get panicky that I can't attach my CV correctly. To do these things I need to mentally prepare for ages.

I'm grateful for this thread OP, thank you. I can see so many of my own struggles in it. Means I am not crazy, and I am not alone.

It's a toxic mix of fear, dread, worry and negative and catastrophising thoughts. Topped off with physical symptoms that can include sweats, dizziness, churning stomach, insomnia, constant tiredness, loss of appetite, nausea. 24/7. And it's mentally & physically exhausting.

For me, anxiety means I catastrophise constantly; If I see a crack, I think the building will fall down on me, if I didn't follow a recipe to the letter then I'd have inedible, poisonous food etc. Constantly scared, but not knowing why. My throat tightens up so much I feel like I can barely breathe and my heart races and pounds in my ears. My stomach churns loudly and painfully.

It's a horrible thing to suffer from and you're a good boss to try and find out more about the condition. Ultimately, I think that being an understanding and pro-active boss will help you with staff retention.

when people @you you then get the tingling down your arms and ache in your neck because you are worrying what they think of what you posted.
I just read this, then my phone beeped and I picked it up and saw it was an @ from MN and still had an uh-oh moment even though I had just read it

I've heard it described as the body saying "I don't know what I want us to be doing, but this isn't it."

Yeah every message from mn is going to be a ban notice.