To not understand anxiety!

[Beebeezed]

First time poster here.

I am currently on mat leave but I’m a manager of a company in charge of around 40 staff. In recent years, I have seen a huge increase in staff declaring that they suffer with anxiety. As a company, we do what we can to support these staff and I feel I’m as supportive as I can be. Since going on maternity leave I’ve had time to reflect on my role as a manager and how I can improve and feel that one thing I struggle with is actually empathising genuinely with these staff as I have literally no idea what anxiety feels like. I worry this could prohibit the staff from feeling fully supported. I’ve done a lot of research (mainly at 3am during cluster feeds ) but I’m still at a slight a loss as to what anxiety truly feels like and how it may affect you in the work place. I have felt anxious before but understand this is very different from anxiety

I’d really appreciate you sharing your experiences! And if you do have any suggestions on how your work place could/does support you would be amazing.

Just to clarify, I’m due to return to work soon and this is purely to help me with staff morale and support

In recent years, I have seen a huge increase in staff declaring that they suffer with anxiety. I'd set about investigating the reasons behind this, pronto. Something's up with the work environment.

I think something's up with society in general not one work environment. I work at a university and we have a lot more students who are diagnosed with anxiety, some before coming, some who struggle whilst there. We have more individual plans for students with anxiety than more or less any other health condition now.

I don't just believe that people are being diagnosed more, I think people, young people in particular, are more anxious. The focus on individual achievement at all times seems to have made a generation over-anxious when nothing truly threatening is occurring.

In the past it may also have been called something else, people having 'trouble with their nerves' was one, or panic attacks (I used to have those but didn't think of myself as having 'anxiety').

I am not a MH professional, but on a very small level, I try to communicate really clearly what's expected, offer help to students (some with anxiety get stuck on or need more than one lot of help for the same thing), provide reassurance and facts about their ability, refer on to GP/wellbeing if they are going downhill. Often times these students are able to pull it back together and most do absolutely fine, with treatment/support or the time of crisis passes.

I used to have no idea about anxiety at all. I was quite dismissive of it as well tbh because I just didn't get it. Then something happened to me that triggered full blown anxiety that's never really gone away.

It's at a low level now but there were prolonged periods where it would take me 20 minutes to leave the house or the car because of my 'checking' processes. It's like a constant fear of the worst. Over the years it's centred on different things. During pregnancy I was certain my son would be taken from me because I wouldn't be a good mother. Currently it centres around work. Every time somebody senior wants to speak to me I'm convinced they're going to sack me. I feel I'm slow because I have to recheck my work constantly. The physical sign for me is that my hands shake when I'm particularly anxious and so I feel like everybody knows although I doubt they notice/care. I got a massive shock when anxiety hit me. I genuinely had no idea how debilitating it could be.

On Future Learn you'll find online courses educating teachers and others dealing with people about mental health and especially anxiety (external and internal factors, triggers, treatments etc.)

I have anxiety. It can manifest as a lot of things. Often is the underlying but utterly pervasive feeling that everything I do and say is wrong. I have to fight through that all the time. I was on the till on my last shift, and I was literally shaking and wanted to run away and hide. I didn't, but the feeling was very real. I have never told my managers, but if I did tell them, let me tell you that as a manager you could be sure that was a sign that I was in a bad way and saw no other option but to mention it.

I'm guess you have heard of flight or fight response? You sense danger and you are on high alert all the time with your senses working over time - checking your environment for if you need to flee or stay and fight. You are in a permanent state of stress. Some people with anxiety are like this - they are over aware of things and its exhausting for them.

I've only felt anxiety as a result of a particular event/worrying about something in particular, but it can be crippling. Unable to eat/concentrate/feeling really on edge/nauseous.

How can you 'not understand anxiety'? You know how it feels to be anxious about something? It's like that, but long term. It's an extremely straightforward concept.

My anxiety presents itself as constant worrying. I could be worried about something that someone without anxiety would also be worried about (e.g. a big exam) but I could also be worrying about things that really don't matter (e.g. what to have for dinner). Sometimes I feel worried but when I examine my thoughts I'm actually not worried about anything in particular. In counselling we worked out that most of my worries connect to much 'bigger' thoughts about wanting everything to be perfect and being concerned about running out of time. During my worst times, my thoughts are constantly whirring and catastrophising and I can't get my brain to stop. It's exhausting.

Normally at work I am super high functioning and no one really knows I have anxiety unless I tell them. But during bad periods, my boss saying that he needs to speak to me later / he needs a meeting with me at 4pm or whatever without giving any indication of what it's about can really set me off, as can unclear expectations in high stakes situations (e.g. can you create x piece of work with no further guidance and no answers to my questions about whether y or z is preferable etc), and not giving me support when I ask for it (e.g. I feel very overwhelmed by this huge additional responsibility you've given me that I have no training for. Can we find a time to sit down for you to show me x, y, and z or for someone else to? and instead of doing this, boss demands a, b, c piece of work based on additional responsibility that I have literally just told him I don't know how to do...!). But to be fair, lots of this is just bad management and I think would probably make anyone a bit stressed, it's just that as I already have anxiety, it tips me a little bit further 'over the edge' than other people.

Anxiety is usually accompanied by physical symptoms as well as worry/fear:

Pounding heart
Feeling you can't breathe /choking
Gastric symptoms ranging from butterflies in the tummy to vomiting, diarrhoea and stomach cramps
Needing to urinate often
Hot flushes, sweating, blushing
Insomnia
Head aches
Dizziness
Tingling hands/face
Shaking

All of the above can be quite unnerving, which tends to add to the anxiety, and then increases the severity of the symptoms.

Further info for employers:

m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=5880

www.mind.org.uk/workplace/mental-health-at-work/

@MrsMeeseeks

If you read these responses I think you’ll understand it’s very different than just feeling anxious for a long time for a lot of people.

People can tell you what it feels like for them but it will never feel real unless you have it. It’s no different to being told what child birth is like as you will not know until you experience it and even then it’s different for different people. I think it’s great you want to support your employees but instead of investing time trying to figure out how everyone feels focus your energy on making your work place one that people feel they can enjoy, speak out in confidence and get support when needed. Research well being ideas in the work place and other ways you can support colleagues. You are not a medical professional so don’t cross the line by trying to be overly helpful because you care. If a colleague approaches you about a health concern be empathetic but always encourage them to speak to a professional such as their doctor.

There is a difference between being anxious and having anxiety which is a mental health condition that has been diagnosed.

Everyone feels anxious from time to time; that is completely normal. However when that tips over into being an out of control response that affects you living your life, that's when it becomes a mental health issue.

When I told my new employer I had anxiety although through therapy and meds it was well managed, I had to visit Occupational Therapy for assessment. Although I was worried, this was a positive step as it showed I was able to do my job with minimal adjustments. I would therefore suggest as a manger you refer anyone with anxiety to Occupational Health so they can make recommendations to you as the manager.

I don't think you need to "understand" it, but you do need to make those adjustments for it.

So you do understand it, then, and just thought you'd use that thread title anyway.

How can you 'not understand anxiety'? You know how it feels to be anxious about something? It's like that, but long term. It's an extremely straightforward concept.

Actually, I disagree. All of us have felt anxious about specific things at one time or another, but I think it's very different to suffer with generalised anxiety on a constant basis. It wears people down and takes over their lives in a way that doesn't compare to the odd bout of worrying about something.

@MrsMeeseeks I don’t remotely understand how hard it must be, but I’m in the process of reading these responses to learn about it and know that your explanation of it is flippant and ignorant.

Anxiety is horrific :(

Anxiety also tends to come with a side order of secondary emotions, including but not limited to anger, shame, embarrassment, sadness, guilt. It can often spiral into depression (and depression often produces anxiety also).

OP, a lot of people don't understand anxiety. I have been ripped to shreds on MN when I have posted a couple of anxiety issues, with people telling me to "get a grip" and that they feel sorry for my DC. Some people can be downright nasty about it.

I can't help suffering from anxiety and I always have. I hate being late, I hate not being organised, I hate plans changing at the last minute because I have psyched myself up for what I thought was happening. It is horrible to not be in control of your own feelings/emotions.

As another PP said, people are now being encouraged to talk about their mental health issues. More people are seeking counselling, which then gives a name to their problem (as happened to me, I didn't realised that what I had suffered from for years was anxiety).

If something goes wrong then I think about it over and over, I can't just switch off or let it go, I have to replay it over and over.

I am on mild beta blockers for my anxiety and I do feel much better now a lot of the time. I also challenge myself to do something, and then the second time you do it, you can think to yourself, this is easy I have done it before.

But simple things that others take for granted, or even look forward to, like travelling to new places, holidays, concerts etc, can cause a huge amount of anxiety for me, and people who don't suffer from it, just don't understand it :(

I also see the worst case scenario in everything.

So if your employee makes a little mistake, or has a meeting to face, or new clients, these things could be making them anxious. Or maybe deadlines are too tight, or the workload is too heavy. It would also be different for each individual.

OP, if you can find one locally, I'd really recommend a Mental Health First Aid course. I did one recently over 2 days, and it looks at anxiety as well as depression, suicide, eating disorders etc. My employer is in the process of rolling it out to all staff, especially managers, to make sure there's a good awareness and at least a start on how to support colleagues.

I have had anxiety for years. When I’m going through a particularly bad spell I will be too anxious to even go into a shop alone. It’s basically like when you’re over worried about something and nothing and work yourself up into a total tiz over it except constant every day...

For me anxiety is a sinking feeling of dread that never goes away.

It's that dull ache in your stomach when you feel like something bad is about to happen. A heavy tightening in your chest feeling like it's hard to breathe.

It's the inability to find joy in the moment as your brain is always on the look out for the perceived danger.

It's a horrible painful way to live, and usually affects intelligent sensitive people who struggle to fulfill their potential because of it.

It's feeling anxious or afraid when there is nothing real to be anxious about. When mine was really bad I couldn't leave the house. Sometimes I can't make decisions, like what laundry to do first. It's like someone you love is having a life or death operation and you're waiting to hear if it's successful. You can't relax, can't concentrate on anything else. It's not rational. (Although I actually think now it's very rational, in that it's as a result of events and experiences, but these events and experiences haven't been dealt with properly and the unresolved feelings manifest as anxiety.)

Pgqio: All I can say is you're very lucky to have never had anxiety. I would imagine at some point in the future that will probably change.

Why is this? I am sure people will feel anxious from time to time but why would it be almost inevitable that a person will have anxiety (the mental condition) at some point in their lives?

Practical advice as a manager:

1. Adhere to the Occupational Health recommendations for each individual - this way shows you acknowledge their health issues and support them to be the best they can be.
2. Communication - everyone knows what needs to be done, no last minute surprises
3. Are there regular break intervals? Are workers able to get up and walk around if they need to.
4. Get some plants! Green spaces really help with anxiety. As does natural lighting.
5. Run a wellbeing workshop!

Watch the programme on iPlayer with Nadiya Begum

Yes. I watched this and cried when she read the bit about not feeling relaxed for years. I can not remember the last time I felt relaxed.

I constantly have a nervous feeling in my stomach. It's like that feeling you get when you have recieved bad news.

I grew up in a household that was plagued by my mother mental health issues and I have always felt like this.

I have had a bad few weeks with it now. I am back at work tomorrow and so scared of walking back into that building, I havent moved all morning.

As a single parent I cant afford to reduce my hours or quit or even go part time.

I think this will only end with me having a breakdown. This is anxiety. Feeling trapped not being able to do anything. Hoping I go off the deep end so someone will help, but all the while knowing I cant because my kids need me. Stuck between falling apart and knowing I cant.