To not understand anxiety!

[Beebeezed]

First time poster here.

I am currently on mat leave but I’m a manager of a company in charge of around 40 staff. In recent years, I have seen a huge increase in staff declaring that they suffer with anxiety. As a company, we do what we can to support these staff and I feel I’m as supportive as I can be. Since going on maternity leave I’ve had time to reflect on my role as a manager and how I can improve and feel that one thing I struggle with is actually empathising genuinely with these staff as I have literally no idea what anxiety feels like. I worry this could prohibit the staff from feeling fully supported. I’ve done a lot of research (mainly at 3am during cluster feeds ) but I’m still at a slight a loss as to what anxiety truly feels like and how it may affect you in the work place. I have felt anxious before but understand this is very different from anxiety

I’d really appreciate you sharing your experiences! And if you do have any suggestions on how your work place could/does support you would be amazing.

Just to clarify, I’m due to return to work soon and this is purely to help me with staff morale and support

I think the problem with anxiety is that people do not distinguish between experiencing the emotion anxiety and an anxiety disorder. The same way people say they are depressed when there mood is a bit low or they are sad.

Have to agree with all that. I have "normal" anxiety when doing something new, meeting a new person, etc. It's completely different from the anxiety I periodically suffer from all the normal day to day activities where I can be a jibbering wreck one day for no apparent reason, yet I can do exactly the same on a different day and be absolutely fine.

Eliminate the root causes of anxiety and everyone's a winner

Please let me know how you would eliminate my brain chemical imbalance? The door knocking, the phone ringing, my family going to school and work. The location of hospitals, being able to feel my pulse, other road users, heck other people anywhere, the lighting in shops, loud noises, people talking to me etc.

I'd love to be a "winner".

It's a sort of a feeling of impending doom, terror, the feeling you get during terrifying nightmares. It's as though the house is burning down or your child is about to run into the road- that sort of thing but it can go on for days.

I think labelling everything simply as 'Anxiety' is unhelpful though. Anxiety Disorders include:

Generalised Anxiety Disorder- frequent bouts of very severe anxiety about real life situations- for example worrying about burglary, going bankrupt etc. but doing it all the time to the extent that sufferers struggle with daily life.

Panic Disorder- characterised by frequent panic attacks (heart palpitations, hyperventilating, feeling of impending doom/that you might die). This often leads to Agoraphobia where you are scared to be anywhere but at home because you might not be able to escape if you have a panic attack.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- This has elements of both anxiety and depression and is in many ways similar to Post-natal Depression. Sufferers have nightmare-like intrusive thoughts and complete compulsions to either counter-act the thoughts, reduce anxiety or to "prevent" something bad from happening. There are many types of OCD.

Health Anxiety- probably a type of OCD- sufferers fear that symptoms (e.g. abdominal pain, headache) are symptoms of serious illness (e.g. cancer, Motor Neuron).

Phobias- self-explanatory.

Each of your employees probably has a different Anxiety Disorder so it's worth asking. Just as there is a big difference between feeling a bit down and having Clinical Depression; there is a major difference between feeling a bit worried sometimes and having a clinically significant Anxiety Disorder.

@NCforthis19 you have had 9 course of CBT and you are worse than ever. That doesnt mean it doesnt work for anybody else.

Sounds like a you problem.

Cut the arrogance. We all suffer, in sorry you obviously suffer much more than every else but I'm not sorry you think you have it so much worse than everyone else because what works for me doesnt work for you.

Did you miss the part where I said, "It works for some"? It's right there?

I'm not arrogant, but I'm pretty sure I do suffer more than some. As I've said, I know it's not a competition, but it's quite frustrating when people say they are a "bit OCD" or "having a panic attack because the bar has run out of gin".

Sure, but what of that person really does have panicking attacks?

I've made references to having a panic attack about going on a ride at Disneyland. It was said for drama, burning do also suffer with anxiety and panic attacks in my day to day life.

The way you have worded your posts makes you sounds like a "the world owes me a favour" type of person.

Sudden hot flushes, tingling in both arms, stomach cramps, stiff neck, headaches, feeling sick. Stressing about anything where you might feel judged even if you aren't going to be judged. Stressing about performance appraisals thinking you are going to be sacked. Knowing you are not good enough, having imposter syndrome, not making friends or forming relationships because who would want you. Putting on an act at work so nobody knows and then feeling exhausted at the end the day from the effort. On days off alone going back to bed.

Sorry to come across blunt, I think the pregnancy hormones have kicked in.

I'm starting to realise I've had this for years. But I've been masking it. I have had family members with schizophrenia and I think the mild panic and constant worrying started then, in the pit of my stomach. I also have a negative mother who had bouts of depression when I was a child.

It's only now I am on the menopause that I feel like I'm starting to get physical symptoms . Last week was horrific in work and at one point I just wanted to sob and walk out as I felt panicky and my heart was going fast. I took myself off for five minutes and into a quiet space . I had three days off sick the other week and felt guilty and rushed back too soon as I'm seen as the strong, reliable one at work. Always do a 40 hour plus week.

Some things that help:

• Mental health awareness at work. Training courses and workshops.
• Having someone listen.
• Physical exercise. I find Yoga with Adrienne on you tube helps centre my day.
• Having a manager who accepts there may be a moment when you need five minutes time out.

What doesn't help is competitive illness - yes, there is always someone worse off with deep seated trauma or PTSD. All we know is how we can feel and the OP is trying to understand that. Let's all cut each other a bit of slack instead of being aggressive on this thread and making people think they should say nothing because they aren't suffering as much as you think. Some people are good actors because they have to get through life somehow.

I don't think your tone is smug OP. I think I am a bit like you - I know what it's like to feel anxious about things / a thing, but feel that this is different to the generalised anxiety which some people report. I find it hard to relate to people who speak about severe anxiety and I think you are just being honest about that.
Now, I know this part is controversial, but you say you have seen a big increase, someone suggested there could be an issue with the workplace - and that;s worth considering. Equally, though, there is now widespread awareness of this as a 'thing', which means peope are more likely to report it (when they would have been quiet in the past) and, people also now realise that they can say they suffer from it and they get special concessions / attention. I see this in my role as a teacher in FE. You can't disprove it - so learners use it to get special dispnesations / exam arrangments / deadline extensions etc. I feel this can get beyond helpful. We need to encourage people to be resliiant.
However, I do think economic shifts, where people are managing work insecirity and money concerns - are treated poorly by employers in care / retail, can genuinely make people anxious and thats to do with the way we are allowing our culture and economy to develop. It's complex.

@Beebeezed ok call you smug was probably uncalled for. There was just something in the way of asking that felt judgemental. Maybe that was my reading? But that's something worth thinking about when dealing with people at work. People will have experienced a lot of prejudice and people just not getting why you can't pull yourself together. So are probably defensive and also having some of those feelings themselves.

For what it’s worth OP I don’t think you are being smug etc, I think you are asking a valid question because for those who don’t suffer they have no idea!!

So here’s me:-
The first time I had been promoted but had to still do my previous job. The first week I was delivering training a range of first aid, safe guarding, health and safety etc, 9-5pm Monday to Friday in Leicester and Southport so I had travelling to do as well. I was ‘trainer’ during those hours and ‘training manager’ before, during breaks and lunch and after until 2am. I can remember feeling sick 24/7. I repeated that week, the following week, and on the Friday drove back home to Wales. I can remember the relief but thinking it’s my first week and I’m doing two jobs i’ll be fine. A few weeks later I was working from home all week, I done the school run and on the way home started feeling sick, had this impending doom fear, I was shaking and just felt like everything was about to collapse.

I got home phoned a colleague and he said that’s why I’ve just been off and suggested St. John’s wart. Phoned another colleague and she said yep we all get it. Phoned my other colleague (there was 4 of us in this position) and she said the same sometimes everyone thinks I’m so strong and can handle everything but they don’t see me the days I fall apart. So that was the start for me.

Since this it’s been on and off, but when it does I get the following symptoms:
Being sick
Feeling sick
Having the runs (then I worry about that which makes the runs worse)
Dizzy
Impending doom feeling
Tightness in my chest
Palpitations
Can’t sleep (between 1am-5am are my worst hours)
Feeling really tired
Shaking
Can’t concentrate
Worry about everything I say or do
Worry I’m always wrong
Worry I’ve upset someone
Worry if someone ignores me- what have I done to them?
Worry people are talking about me
Stomach pains
Difficulty forming words
Very poor concentration- so I think I’m concentrating, but when I look back, I’ve not understood a word I just read
Worrying that people who know don’t believe me what’s wrong

Now I know I’ve put in a lot of ‘worry about’ but it’s not like a normal worry on your mind, it’s like an obsessive thought that you can’t get away from, and it gets bigger and bigger.

Likewise a physical symptom happens like I’m sick, I have palpitations or I have the runs. I then worry/panic even further about them happening again, which in turn obviously contributes to them happening!!

I’ve been diagnosed with ‘generalised anxiety disorder’ along with bipolar. I was a teacher, then a trainer then a learning and development manager. I’ve always stood in front of people talking all day long. My first reaction to diagnosis was ‘but that can’t be me’. But the more I looked the more I realised how my symptoms fit. Just because you are super confident in front of 40 adults talking a day, just because I could hold my own in divisional meetings, just because I could argue with an area manager in front of 25 other manager and our directors didn’t mean that I was not anxious. I just did not recognise the symptoms.

Hope that offers a little insight!

Snowy thank you for writing that list! What a good post. I relate a lot to those symptoms. (Especially the having to go to the loo, worrying about everything you say or do etc.!) No one talks about any of that do they?!

Oh and I should also say I went to my manager as well when I was feeling like this. She said at the time it was understandable as I was doing two jobs at once, obviously being new to the second job. If I had a managers meeting, area meeting anything like that, that I was worried or concerned about, just to call her and we’d talk it through and see what could be done. As it was I never had too. But I believe that was because I knew she had my back already, if that makes sense? So I knew if I had a problem she’s wasn’t going to put me down etc, she’d already told me she would be there for me. That meant more than anything, and a reason I believe that my anxiety reduced a lot. It didn’t go. But it mega reduced!!

Bebeezed, ignore rude and judgemental comments, you shouldn’t be insulted because you haven’t had anxiety and want to understand it. That is just rude and unpleasant. Good on you for wanting to help, the Mind website has some great info to, for both sufferers and people around them. I think it’s lovely that you are already thinking about this.

I suffered from social anxiety as a teenager, in the days when it wasn't even recognised as a condition afaik. I would also imagine that the rise in people admitting to it is connected to the fact that it's more commonly recognised as a condition, and people are more aware that it is not the same as being a "snowflake" or a wimp.

I think it's great that you recognise that you don't know what the condition is like: it shows that you realise it is a condition, and not the same as a fleeting feeling of being anxious before a test, for instance. I'm not sure I'd phrase it as "I don't understand anxiety", however, as that could be misinterpreted as meaning "I just don't understand people who complain about having anxiety" - something that people do sometimes say if they not only don't understand it but also don't understand that they don't understand it .

In my case, as a young person, I was so scared of looking foolish in front of other people that I literally would not speak in an unfamiliar situation. When I met someone new, my mind was flooded with ideas about how ugly and boring I was, how they would not want to talk to me, and how I was once again tongue-tied - after a minute or two of silence it felt like I would never be able to say anything as they had already noticed I wasnt speaking and thought I was stupid, so there was no coming back from it. In my mind, they had already written me off as someone they should avoid. Because I was so busy panicking, I literally had no other thoughts in my head and was unable to think of anything to say, so it was a vicious circle.

I grew out of that extreme shyness, and pulled myself out, but continued to find socialising pretty hard work. At work, if I got any negative feedback, however sensibly and constructively phrased, a huge burst of fear would come up in my chest and I would struggle to keep my voice from wobbling - not from tears, from the blood pumping in my throat. That would be my day or week spoiled. I'd have flashbacks to it and remember it for years as an awful thing.

To be honest, it was only at the age of 45 when I first took citalopram that I realised what it was like not to be anxious. It was eye-opening: some people really went round feeling like that all the time? Honestly, literally not bothered? I hadn't even realised that existed. I thought some people were just better at putting on a brave front than me.

I'm not at all in real life - I really do have full sympathy for anyone who suffers. It's absolutely awful and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I guess what I'm saying is that I wish people wouldn't use the terms for something that isn't the mental illness, as it's become now that if you say you have anxiety, it's met with eye rolls and "so does everyone else on the planet" instead of people recognising it as a really disabling condition.

It's like saying you have heart failure when you have walked up the stairs, or a broken leg when you have bumped your toe though that fucking hurts

Sorry, that was to @IAmNotPatientOrPregnant

@PerfectPeony2 Thank you for your kind words. You are right, they don’t, and it was not until I explored a lot of these symptoms with my psychiatrist did I join the dots! I thought it was just me and my biology lol I was always thinking I’d eaten something to cause it and so on.

But for me, personally, I think understanding what my symptoms are and why they are there, has helped my anxiety reduce. For example I would get the runs (I hate going to the loo and having a poo anywhere that’s not my home or my partners home, I just feel uncomfortable). So I would have the runs, then start getting anxious about needing to go in work, at a friends home or the supermarket. Then telling myself over, that’s it’s my anxiety, I’m not unwell, it’s not a bug etc sometimes helped to reduce it. Not always, but sometimes. So it felt like having that little bit of control helped the physical symptom.

Someone also said up thread about the ‘fight or flight’ and this is so it, I hadn’t thought about that until I read it, and it resonated with me so much!!

Palpitations, fear, dread....constantly. I have health anxiety so the slightest thing will send me in a downward spiral. From a tingling sensation in my little finger to reading about something in the paper to hearing about someone who has suddenly developed something or had something happen to them. It's crap. I'm so lucky I have a supportive husband.

Eliminate the root causes of anxiety and everyone's a winner.

Too simplistic

OK but instead of leaping to the defensive, how about you recognise that there is no silver bullet in a workplace environment (which is at the heart of the OPs post to try and understand anxiety better).

All employers can hope to do if they support their individual employees unique challenges is to reduce the toxic effects of how modern workplaces operate.

So, take away my word "eliminate" then and replace it with "provide support to mitigate against anxiety root causes in the workplace"

See, it's pretty long winded, so in the interest of brevity of information I shortened it to "eliminate". Sorry if it was the wrong word.

I think that one of the best things you could do as a manager is to make it clear that people can have the time off to attend therapy appointments or something else helpful like confidence workshops. Plus to make sure also that a culture that says we want our employees to take breaks, exercise etc is real and not paying lip service. Lead by example by doing that yourself.

Waitlists are much shorter for appointments during the day, allowing someone off short term gives longer term gain.

As for saying that those who suffer more mildly are not truly unwell, that's really unhelpful. I have mild hayfever, some of my colleagues are really unwell with it. Should I not look into what I can do for my condition and get treatment for it because I'm not suffering as badly as my neighbour?. Indeed, with mental health, the earlier the intervention (so long as it is a good one), the less likely it is to deteriorate. Many people with anxiety are lovely and empathic and might feel they don't deserve help, that others need the service more than them; the last thing we should do is discourage them to put off getting help.

Many people with anxiety are lovely and empathic and might feel they don't deserve help, that others need the service more than them; the last thing we should do is discourage them to put off getting help.
Yes, yes, yes. This is so much more of a problem than any people supposedly complaining about anxiety when they are not anxious "enough".

@thetonsillolith

Did you actually read my post?