Accent, class and feeling like a fish out of water

[fishoutofwine]

Have name changed as moan about this a irl and think combined with my other posts would put me.

However, in the last year have moved to a very “of money” up market area (sort of imagine Hampstead garden suburb but not).

I have found that thanks so my strong accent and penchant for wearing ordinary clothes seems to be setting me ok a back foot.

I know some of this may be my own insecurities however habe had issues such as - neighbour in gazillion pound house assuming that when I said no to her builders using my garden for a loo talking slowly and patiently to me like I’m an idiot, when walking my dog around the local area other dog walkers asking if I’ve come far (quite enjoy pointing and saying “no I live there” and just low lever snobbery.

While fully aware that this is to some degree a nice problem to have, it does make me feel like crap (and like moving back to my perfectly nice area I was before).

I guess it’s more wwyd and how can I deal with it.

[MaybeitsMaybelline]

Oh and the OP has an estuary accent not Liverpudlian if you RTFT properly.

[Teacher22]

Ohiseeyou, you have offered some blunt and truthful advice. I noticed the same things but, in this PC and judgemental world where feelings are elevated above rationality, I would not have dared to offer useful, painful, honest advice.

OP, those who jump to your defence are doing you a disservice as they are more than likely hypocritical in their advice to ‘be yourself’. Most people judge others and I bet they do too.

Perfect grammar is the way PLU’s identify each other. Accent might be important but a regional accent is often acceptable.

[FiveShelties]

What is PLU @Teacher22?

[BlueBrushing]

People seem to have taken offense at my idea that in the OP's shoes, I would neutralise my accent. I don't think they should adopt the local accent (that doesn't work and would sound ridiculous). However, when I moved somewhere outside where I'm from (I'm from a working class area), I took the obvious edges off my accent (in particular, I started pronouncing my t's). It a) became easier for people to understand my speech and b) meant people took me more seriously. That sounds like a win to me. The OP asked "WWYD". Neutralising your accent is the grown-up option if your accent if causing you a problem.

[ginandbearit]

PLU.. People Like Us
You know how on MN we have 'Wendy' asa code for someone who alienates a friend from their friendship group ? Perhaps we can have 'Margot' as a code for prissy grammar /status snobs
Re Private Estates ..I once delivered some flowers to an estate which had big signs saying 'No Vans'...how the fuck were they going to get deliveries and builders etc to do the work ? The residents were also confused by me cos I looked a scruff but am terribly posh in accent ...it was definitely Margotville .

[pineapplebryanbrown]

The best thing to do is build a tunnel underneath your house so that you can move around incognito until you exit this peculiar place.

Also, do you have a basement? You should. You should put a swimming pool (heated obvs) in the basement and a firemans pole (a real one, not a euphemism) from your bedroom directly into the pool.

Then buy a sticker for your SUV that says Fuck You I Have My Own Firemans Pole print it on a t-shirt too.

[FiveShelties]

Thank you @ginandbearit - I wondered what 'price look up' codes were doing judging accents.

[SofiaAmes]

fishoutofwine (great name by the way) just have fun with people's misassumptions.

I LOVE to mess with people when they make assumptions about me because of how I look. I am a middle aged grey haired white female architect. I happen to speak Spanish and know a shitload about construction and codes (and cars and tools and other "non-womanly" things). I have great fun on building sites when people try to take me for a fool (or say things about me in Spanish - I am in Los Angeles, so a large number of the workmen are Spanish speaking). Or if the engineers are getting uppity and trying to mansplain to me about how "real" construction works, I drop into the conversation that I went to MIT, which usually shuts them up....(I actually know relatively little about structural/electrical/civil engineering, but I really hate being mansplained to).

[Mothership4two]

I absolutely do believe you should be yourself. Trying to be something you are not leads to unhappiness - in my (life) experience.

Written language has become much more relaxed, especially on forums like MN. Had no problem understanding what she was saying.

As she runs "a very successful large agency" and can afford to live in an affluent area, I guess she is doing alright for herself. Why should she change ffs? To impress the neighbours?

[Aveeno2017]

ohiseeyou you sound like a lovely person! Or in common terms your a twat.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Fishout
It is really unfortunate that these people are making you feel like this. Their reaction to you says more about them than it does about you. I do totally understand how you feel - the inferiority. Mine lasted until very recently but was due to my education as my parents to their shame let me have a truly awful education, which made me feel inferior for a long time.

The best thing you can do is live well. If you are struggling I’d get some therapy. The fact that you’re feeling like this says you’re personally struggling inside and they are pushing your buttons. The best way to do this is to diffuse those buttons.

And oh the irony that these snobs are making you feel inferior. You are living in your local area. They are the outsiders, not you.

PLU - people like us perhaps?? Okaaaaay.

Hazelnutin
I love your post. It did make me laugh, spot on.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Ohiseeyou
Some of my friends and some of dds friends don’t speak grammatically correctly all the time. Occasionally they do a “del boy”. Perhaps they even make grammatical errors in their writing. 😱 That is their business and doesn’t make them lesser people. I’d say I’m not the one with the problem. You may beg to differ.

[Springwalk]

Op, I would give it six months, whilst it is good advice to rise above other people's judgements and bad behaviour, in reality it is going to be very tiring living like that every day.

In six months, your fellow dog walkers will begin to recognise you and give you a cheery wave, in six months you may have made some super friends. People that make you feel welcome and comfortable.

I would avoid your neighbour, a CF is a CF regardless of where she may live or whether she does the patronising slow speak regularly. Nothing and no one will transform her into a jolly and kind neighbour.

Allow yourself time to settle in properly. If someone is being rude walk away, don't politely stand there. If you feel they are being unkind, ditto. My guess is that perhaps the only person judging here is you, and assuming you are somehow not good enough to be there (you are)

You will know in six months whether this area is going to work for you, I wouldn't hesitate to move if it is fundamentally unpleasant. There are parts of London I would not even consider moving to for the same reason. Your life is too precious and too short to be surrounded by people you don't like.

[SaskiaRembrandt]

I do laugh when I see the lower middle classes using the term 'PLU'. A GCSE in English and they think they're Nancy Mitford. Of course, PLU think they're NQOSD.

OP, you sound lovely, but as you have discovered both where you live, and on this thread, money and a 'naice' accent is no indicator of the quality of a person. Stick with it though, there probably are friendly people there - just avoid resident's associations, they are invariably full of uptight busy-bodies in need of a proper hobby.

[SaskiaRembrandt]

And under no circumstances try to change your accent!

[Pulipatchouli]

Hi,
I think you should be really proud of yourself and be really co didn't around them.
You are helping them deal with their own snobberies, and they obviously need help.
Probably not wise to rely on them for neighbourly friendship tho.
Poeple like that (clubby, accent focussed) are usually terribly insecure and if you act breezy and confident around they will relax.
You are doing them a great favour by being successful and not posh and good for you!!
Our English society is far too divided by class and accent, it's quite revolting.
Be a very fabulous you!

[Pulipatchouli]

Be confident around them, apologies for typo

[Pulipatchouli]

Sorry, typo

'be confident" I meant to say!

[Pulipatchouli]

Be confident around them, apologies for typo

[BuildBuildings]

@fishoutofwine why do you want to live in an area like that it sounds awful? But I assume you have your reason... So I'd just start saying to people like the dog walkers 'I get asked that all of the time I must look like I don't belong' Could it be that the community is just very close knit and they are like that with any newcomers?

[Cyberworrier]

Saskia, well said. I was just going to say that it looks like this thread has been defending itself against an attack by an army of Hyacinth Buckets (pronounced Bouquet) overnight!
OP please ignore people who mistake typos for poor grammar- who think people speak exactly as they write on social media... Even just writing Saskia my iPad changed it to Saskatoon (no idea) about four times before I could change it!

[BuildBuildings]

@ohiseeyou typos and auto correct errors when writing something quickly on a forum are not the same as not knowing how to speak in a grammaticaly correct way. You sound awful and I think lots of people would be happy for you to bugger off when meeting them at a party.

[SaskiaRembrandt]

I was just going to say that it looks like this thread has been defending itself against an attack by an army of Hyacinth Buckets (pronounced Bouquet) overnight!



I'm imaging them there, posting in between leaping up to fold napkins, and email a reminder to all their neighbours that front lawns must be no more than .5mm

typos and auto correct errors when writing something quickly on a forum are not the same as not knowing how to speak in a grammaticaly correct way.

Quite. I think most us are happily bashing away at the keys and hoping some of it makes sense, no matter what our accent.

[SaskiaRembrandt]

Considers changing name to Saskatoon ...

[Cyberworrier]

😆 I am scared to google what it means!