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Original poster

MIL "offended" by what I feed my child

80 replies

Barneythedinosaur · 18/05/2019 20:22

My child (1y) mainly eats home cooked meals, with the odd occasional child ready meal if needed. Snack wise, she eats specific "children's" snacks, like Ella's kitchen and organix.

Apparently mil is offended by this, and doesn't understand why I don't just give her "normal" food like chicken nuggets, chocolate bars and crisps (quavers, wotsits etc). She's particularly offended by the fact its all organic. I have explained that meals aren't organic, and the snacks are because I've not actually seen non organic children's snacks anywhere rather then me specifically saying it must be organic.

I'm happy for dd to eat food like that occasionally, but not as part of her normal day to day food. Am I being ridiculous?
My response when dh told me (I wasn't there when mil said it) was that as mil isn't dds parent she has no say so it's irrelevant really.

OP posts:
CarrieBlu · 18/05/2019 20:24

Your MIL is a twat. Ignore her. Your child, your business. Not hers.

MustBeAWeasly · 18/05/2019 20:26

🙄 You are feeding her normal food. Chicken nuggets and chips every night should not be normal. Ignore.

BrainScience · 18/05/2019 20:26

Personally I think Ella’s and other specific children’s snacks are a bit of a con - loads of packaging and often no healthier than normal snacks like raisins, bread, veg sticks etc. But if the alternative is chocolate or crisps they’re obviously better (although I don’t think Quavers are too bad).

It’s bugger all to do with your mil though and it’s bloody rude of her to comment on it.

Napqueen1234 · 18/05/2019 20:27

Why does she find it personally offensive Hmm my MIL is v overweight and often comment on how INSANELY healthy my DDs diet is (v v similar to yours!) and insists on giving her millions of ‘treats’ when we go round to make up for my strict cruel parenting. Annoying!

toomuchtooold · 18/05/2019 20:32

Personally I think Ella’s and other specific children’s snacks are a bit of a con

They're not bad for the first year at least, when you have to worry about salt. They're also not that highly flavoured, which I think helps train your kid's palette not to expect the massive hit of flavour you get off of most junk food. Of course veggie sticks or raisins or whatever would be as good or better, but it's handy having some long life prepackaged stuff in the bottom of the changing bag also it's very hard to shove an Ella's kitchen raspberry puff up your nose, wish I could have said the same about raisins

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 18/05/2019 20:33

Nope, YANBU. I have a theory that with things like this, that the offended person sees it as judgement on what they chose to do, so if you do it differently then you are saying what they did was wrong IYSWIM?

Just a theory though, could be wrong.

HappyPunky · 18/05/2019 20:37

Ignore her you're doing nothing wrong.

My mum often has a problem with things I do with DD compared to how she brought me up. It's like they think you're saying that their parenting was inadequate when you're not, you're just doing your best for your kid.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 18/05/2019 20:38

Just ignore her.

HappyPunky · 18/05/2019 20:38

Cross post with chebby! Spot on!

theWarOnPeace · 18/05/2019 20:40

Absolutely agree with Chebby my mum and MIL both do this. I think it’s because both me and my DH were dragged up on crap, they see our kids diets and how much attention we give them as some kind of personal affront to the way they did it. I’ve asked both of them why it bothers them so terribly that our kids eat well - no answer!

meow1989 · 18/05/2019 20:40

Your MIL is Bu. Perhaps she feels judged about her own parenting choices (her issue not yours)

Ffsnosexallowed · 18/05/2019 20:40

You've never seen non organic children's snacks????????

Airbiscuits · 18/05/2019 20:41

I got that with breastfeeding, as her children were formula fed. Lots of tutting.
Just ignore it.

AwdBovril · 18/05/2019 20:45

None of her business. Carry on as you are doing, it sounds like you've got a decent balance of healthy homemade food & quicker options.

recklessgran · 18/05/2019 20:51

Not her baby so just ignore her. One of my DD's has DGD 18 months who she is raising as a vegan. I personally don't agree but none the less buy vegan food/snacks/treats/presse as well as organix carrot puffs for them and wouldn't dream of going against DD's wishes. Sounds as though your MIL is ill informed OP.

Crunchytowel · 18/05/2019 20:57

People are really, really weird about this,I've found. I was raised by parents who love a bit of chocolate and an occasional takeaway, but who cooked decently healthy meals every night and who grew a lot of their own fruit and veg. I'm not talking chia seeds and vegan unicorn grains here, just ordinary homecooking and a fruit bowl always filled. We certainly weren't deprived of sweets, but we did not get them every day and certainly not as small babies and toddlers. We're all a healthy weight and very average. I have raised my children with a similar attitude - very ordinary, toast and banana and pasta for tea type diet.

DH's family is the opposite - eat junk constantly, children are allowed free reign over sweets/what they eat in general from the moment they are weaned. It became a sort of weird competition with them over who could sneak my babies sweets and chocolate, and they got very pissy over my "healthy eating". Sil actually refused to believe my child ate stewed apple at seven months, and once went on a long defence of her choice to give her baby a chupa chup lolly, when I hadn't even noticed until she went off on one

I've encountered it at baby groups too, sneering when your kid sits there eating some melon. It's totally mad, and people do actually get properly offended. I've never, ever commented on what someone else has fed their child, like ever, but yet my children's perfectly ordinary diet has been an object of ridicule and criticism for quite a few people.. Totally bonkers and I'm not sure why they get so ratty

Absolutepowercorrupts · 18/05/2019 20:57

I'm a Mil and my Dil is really quite strict about the food and snacks that my dgs have. Do I ever comment, no never, do I try and feed them anything that I know my Dil wouldn't be happy with, no not at all. I make a point of only having food for them in my home that she would consider to be suitable.
Times really are different now and there is so much more information on nutrition and what's suitable for babies and young children.
I would never take her choices as a reflection on the way I brought up my child. If you can, just ignore her, as you've said she is not your dd's mother.

IncrediblySadToo · 18/05/2019 21:00

NapQueen - my MIL is v overweight and often comment on how INSANELY healthy my DDs diet is (v v similar to yours!) and insists on giving her millions of ‘treats’ when we go round

...there’s an easy fix to that....

Barney. Wh you’re did your DH repeat that to you and what does HE think?!

Windygate · 18/05/2019 21:00

Why is it your fault? Where is Wonder Son/Father in this parenting faux par ?

Original poster
Barneythedinosaur · 18/05/2019 21:02

Ffsnosexallowed
No I genuinely haven't. I dont eat organic generally, and wouldn't specifically buy it. But all prepackaged children/ baby snack food seems to scream organic all over it. I've bought different bits from lots of places but never seen non organic.

BrainScience
I agree, usually she has cucumber sticks, carrot sticks, breadsticks, plain rice cakes etc. Its just handy sometimes to have the prepackaged stuff to throw in the changing bag.

OP posts:
Kedgeree · 18/05/2019 21:11

This isn't a new thing. DS1 is now 33. When he was in hospital overnight as a 3yr old, the ward sister was offended when I refused the spoonful of sugar that was offered for sprinkling on his breakfast weetabix. She made it clear, not quite in so many words, that this made me stuck up 😳😏.

AdoraBell · 18/05/2019 21:17

Apparently I was UR for feeding my DC home cooked food instead of commercial baby food. This from someone whose first born was hospitalised with malnutrition Hmm

Smile, nod and carry on as you are.

theWarOnPeace · 18/05/2019 21:28

I've encountered it at baby groups too, sneering when your kid sits there eating some melon.

Yes! I remember some idiot saying to me “what kind of a child chooses boring fruit over chocolate and crisps?” In a sort of incredulous/poor kid tone. Talking about my DS who would have been about 2.5 or so. Erm.... A kid who isn’t offered crisps and chocolate?

Namelessinseattle · 18/05/2019 21:46

My favourite is the argument that kids who don’t get “rubbish” are going to be the ones who go off the rails on it.

You can replace “rubbish” with tv, alcohol, being alone in the house. Basically everything that i do differently.

Best part is it’s a one sided argument because actually I don’t care how anyone else’s kids are raised

Notcontent · 18/05/2019 22:09

Yes, there is still a very sneery attitude towards healthy eating, particularly where children are concerned.

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