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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL "offended" by what I feed my child

80 replies

Barneythedinosaur · 18/05/2019 20:22

My child (1y) mainly eats home cooked meals, with the odd occasional child ready meal if needed. Snack wise, she eats specific "children's" snacks, like Ella's kitchen and organix.

Apparently mil is offended by this, and doesn't understand why I don't just give her "normal" food like chicken nuggets, chocolate bars and crisps (quavers, wotsits etc). She's particularly offended by the fact its all organic. I have explained that meals aren't organic, and the snacks are because I've not actually seen non organic children's snacks anywhere rather then me specifically saying it must be organic.

I'm happy for dd to eat food like that occasionally, but not as part of her normal day to day food. Am I being ridiculous?
My response when dh told me (I wasn't there when mil said it) was that as mil isn't dds parent she has no say so it's irrelevant really.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 19/05/2019 07:23

UnicornBrexit if I didn’t know better I’d think we had the same MIL.
DH and SIL were also weaned at 6 weeks (on to baby rice/porridge) as apparently they were ‘hungry’. SIL is obese, DH has big struggles with his weight. Both also suffer from IBS. We arrived late at night to visit them once (they live abroad) and they instantly handed the DD’s (3 and 1 at the time) a huge bag of pick n mix. It was 11pm!

graziemille567 · 19/05/2019 08:31

Its so frustrating when you are just trying to do your best for your child. My MIL is lovely, but couldn't get over that when my DS was a baby he loved snacking on peas and sweet corn kernels. She would ask why I didn't just give him crisps! I'm not a particularly strict parent when it comes to chocolate and crisps, he's allowed some in moderation but when they weaning and getting to grips with food you want them to only eat the good stuff. Even when I did give him ice cream when he was 1 1/2, it was one of those tiny little Dairy Milk ice cream cones that comes in the multipacks. She said "that's not a proper ice cream, it's tiny, how cruel!". Yes, because if he were to have a full size Cornetto he'd be an absolute nightmare! What the obsession is with (some) MIL's and wanting to feed them junk non stop is a mystery to me!

Siameasy · 19/05/2019 08:57

It’s 100% the implied criticism thing. Certain things are seen as more virtuous. They think it shows them up and are probably not 100% happy with their choices. Actually, OT a bit, but in some groups of mums there’s almost a competition as to how non virtuous they are and how they don’t give a shit.

CaravanHero · 19/05/2019 09:10

Shes also very odd about the fact dd doesnt watch TV

Lots of people are i've found.

A woman in work with a dd the same age as my ds3 (just under age 2) was chatting one day and she said 'Oh, so what is he into?'

I didn't know how to answer...I kind of said 'Into? Oh, you know...he likes playing and...uh...swimming...'

She said 'Nooo…into...you know...what does he like to watch?' and just looked at me like I was an escaped convict.

I didn't think 'Oh he doesn't watch TV' would go down well so I panicked and said Peppa Pig Grin and she was satisfied. Weirdest and most awkward conversation ever though!

Somethingoutedme · 19/05/2019 09:16

I have the opposite problem with my nephews. MIL was pretty good when my DC were little, totally on board with what I wanted them to eat and would do her best to stick to it.

TBH she is a crap cook but she tried. In the end I would make a "ready" meal that she could heat up for dinner and she would do bread and cheese with cucumber and carrot sticks, fruit and yogurt for lunch.

Now when she tries to do the same for my nephews she gets told they don't eat that crap, can she do sausage and chips for them. They are 5 and 2!

Veterinari · 19/05/2019 09:21

Incidentally, jar baby food has been blamed for Mad Cow Disease.

Grin Really? Hmm
That’s a load of bollocks. If for no other reason than cows don’t Eat baby food!

outvoid · 19/05/2019 09:22

I’ve had the same from MIL about breastfeeding. She thinks it puts too much pressure on the Mum and formula is ‘just as good’ Hmm.

Just smile, nod and ignore. You know you’re right.

C8H10N4O2 · 19/05/2019 09:39

as a HV that’s probably one of the worst weaning stories I’ve heard (and we hear a lot!). babies digestive systems are so immature that she’s lucky they survived!

Adding cereal to milk at 6 weeks was common advice when I was a baby (I'm 50's). DM found some old baby notes years ago with the GP recommendation to do this.
Early weaning to a range of foods was also common (an aunt was advised by doctor/HV to give my cousin condensed tinned soup at 6 weeks as he was a fast growing hungry baby).

My MiL was adamant that "most women" don't produce enough milk and a waking/crying baby was evidence of that. She was not a stupid woman - it was a common attitude and advice from HCPs at the time.

On the other hand whilst baby weaning/feeding was poorly served and overly influenced by the FF manufacturers I think other aspects of diet were better.

We never had "children's" food/menus, we ate what the adults ate, had no fizzy drinks. We ate meals together and snacking was pretty much non existant. We were also less bombarded by advertising for sugary snacks and fatty processed foods.

Kedgeree · 19/05/2019 09:46

Interestingly, as a fairly new DGM I think I have a more strict approach than my DdiL and DS re food etc. They feed DGS (14 months) stuff that I wouldn't eg chocolate and ice cream, chips etc and IMO they let him watch far too much tv. However, it's not for me to comment to them, he's their baby, he's healthy and that's all that matters.

thecatsthecats · 19/05/2019 09:50

I don't think I'll watch a lot of TV when I have kids because I just don't watch it very much at all during the day, and only for specific things in the evening. I definitely won't be putting it on just for kids tv crap 😂

Same goes for food - I'll just try out the same sort of things we eat. We eat a lot of different things, so plenty of room for manoeuvre.

I had fizzy drinks and sweets as a child, but they were definitely an occasional thing. I just don't get why you'd make it a standard part of a diet.

OwlinaTree · 19/05/2019 10:02

My first didn't watch the telly until I got Pg with my second. He was about 2. Second has had a slightly different experience!

I must say I never bothered much with the children's snacks tbh, but it sounds like your little one has a great diet.

BertrandRussell · 19/05/2019 10:06

“’ve had the same from MIL about breastfeeding. She thinks it puts too much pressure on the Mum and formula is ‘just as good’ ”
Sounds like a perfect fit for Mumsnet!

ChodeofChodeHall · 19/05/2019 10:06

You're doing great, OP: keep it up and ignore the meddlesome comments from MIL.

Hollowvictory · 19/05/2019 10:08

Raisins are the worst snack for kids teeth according to my dentist. They are extremely high in sugar and not remotely healthy

BertrandRussell · 19/05/2019 10:10

I still want to know what she actually said- being offended is such a bizarre response.

PigeonPie · 19/05/2019 10:15

Hollowvictory - however raisins and dried cranberries were brilliant for keeping them quiet for important occasions (church etc) because they took sooo long to eat as they had to pick them up individually (great for the fine motor skills too)!

icecream432 · 19/05/2019 10:15

My MIL was very offended when I answered her question about when my 12mo baby would try their first Happy Meal. She was keen to buy baby one.

'Hopefully never and certainly not before the child wants / asks for it'. Apparently I'm a snob.

Said child has now had a Happy Meal (4yo), in the USA and it was a treat on holiday. Absolutely fine.

BarbaraofSevillle · 19/05/2019 10:30

This sounds awfully like one of those posts where you already know that everyone is going to agree with you because it's Mumsnet and chicken nuggets and crisps are the work of the devil and everyone's DCs eats quinoa and kale and don't know what McDonalds is.

BertrandRussell · 19/05/2019 10:32

“'Hopefully never and certainly not before the child wants / asks for it'. Apparently I'm a snob.“

Well, not a snob, but quite rude.....unless you put it more gently than that....

OwlinaTree · 19/05/2019 10:51

I don't really get the Mac Donald hate in terms of the food. It's just chips and nuggets or whatever and it's a smaller portion than in many places.

Indecisivelurcher · 19/05/2019 12:30

@echt horrifyingly full of sugar!!! One of those goodies flapjack bars is about 12g of sugar I think, the rda for a 4yo is 19g?! And let's not mention petit filous 🙈

DulcieRay · 19/05/2019 12:42

@OwlinaTree

I know my kids have fish fingers or nuggets, and either the fruit or veg bag. So good proteins and one of their 5 a day. Not exactly terrible food! Washed down with water, juice or milk (although one of them is partial to a fruit shoot if allowed). And it's so stress free in there. Not to mention cheap. I'm a massive advocate for a quick McDs with the Kids.

I also let them eat Wotsits and Quavers and anything made by organix, though.

toomuchtooold · 19/05/2019 12:54

I've encountered it at baby groups too, sneering when your kid sits there eating some melon

I remember my mum, horrified/fascinated watching my 3yo DD2 wiping the ice cream off of the strawberries from an ice cream sundae thing. In the end she couldn't stop herself, she blurted out "you make her do that!" It was doubly funny because nobody made DD2 do anything when she was 3 (at morning handover, her key worker at nursery used to ask me to wish her luck Grin)

DulcieRay · 19/05/2019 13:05

I give them those Goodies flapjacks too. BlushAlthough we also make homemade which are mostly golden syrup!

I find it odd that people think that fish fingers are kid food, but a piece of poached fish isn't

SoyDora · 19/05/2019 14:36

I find it odd that people think that fish fingers are kid food, but a piece of poached fish isn't

Who thinks that? Mine eat both.