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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about ham, or is DH

104 replies

Blackswing12 · 18/05/2019 19:50

Our marriage is very troubled at the moment, new baby, sleep deprived, yada yada.

We've been having a lot of arguments lately, some the same old stuff, some new old stuff I can deal with, new stuff is hard, as it involves my family. In particular my dad, who is extremely annoying and needy, finding himself dumped by his partner and post surgery, so been spending more time with him lately, a few issues has cropped up with DH about this but have kind of dealt with it.

Now, back to the ham

Today, DH text me while he was at work and I was looking after DD1 and DD2 asking if I was going to Aldi over weekend,can I get him some ham trim,mayo, apples and "Best of both" bread.

I go to Aldi as I need to pick up a few bits for my dad who is unable to go shopping g at the moment,picked up a few bits for our upcoming holiday, then picked-up the bits DH wanted.

Just sat down after getting DDs to bed and this is the conversation:

DH "did u look at that ham when you bought it?" (I'm sensing a tone here too)

Me "yeh why, is it out of date?"

DH "it's not ham trimmings (it is) it's six thick pieces of ham, it's inedible,unusable why didn't you look at it when you bought it"

Me "are you for real? I had both squirming DDs in the trolley and your having a go for not looking at the ham?"

DH "I've now got to go out tomorrow and get ham and I didn't want to just because you couldn't be arsed to look at it"

We are now not talking!?
A bit stunned to be honest.

AIBu to not check a pack of ham trim before putting it in the trolley? Ham trim does come in all different shapes and sizes to be fair but come on?!

OP posts:
pictish · 19/05/2019 09:10

“A man who is this fussy about the shape of his ham does not deserve a wife, or indeed, ham.“

This made me laugh out loud.
Quite.

Bbang · 19/05/2019 09:17

Has he realised he can use them flappy things on the bottom of his arms to chop up his apparently inedible ham?

Ridiculous toddler behaviour.

Clutterbugsmum · 19/05/2019 10:05

If he that fussed about the shape, size and thickness of his ham then perhaps he should buy the more expensive 'proper' sliced ham so he can have uniform slices.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 19/05/2019 10:33

@BarbaraofSeville they do Pastrami trim too, but you really do need to look at that or you get a sealed box of peppered ends with black pepper garnish.

PregnantSea · 19/05/2019 10:36

Shove the ham up his arse?

goose1964 · 19/05/2019 10:40

I think you both need some sleep. Can you get someone to have the kids whilst you crash out.

fishoutofwine · 19/05/2019 13:11

It’s really good to make a ham omelette with too!

givemesteel · 19/05/2019 13:21

We don't have budget supermarkets round us so this is not something I've come across.

But it sounds like quite a petty thing for him to lose his rag over. Sounds like you have more than one baby in the household.

happyhillock · 19/05/2019 13:28

@GarthFunkel. Brilliant can't stop laughing
You've made my day

Di11y · 19/05/2019 13:33

I know what you mean, sometimes I buy it if it looks good, sometimes it looks all ends and fat. but that's not the point. you shopped, with kids. it was edible.

dh complained I didn't get the right stuff when I went shopping (in the evening after working then putting the kids to bed when I would much rather have been dossing on the sofa like him) and I curly suggested he write a list and head straight out if what i bought wasn't to his liking.

Riojaandchoc · 19/05/2019 13:42

YANBU. If people want to be particular about shopping then they should get off their arses and rifle through the produce themselves. I have similar rows with my rather passive-aggressive mother who will text me a shopping list and then pull a face as she unpacks it but won't actually say what is so distasteful at the time. The next week she will text a similar list but put something like leeks (but only if they are fresh this time). Of course she is my darling mother in her 70's so I don't want to whack her round the head with the leeks at all Wink. She does have the option to actually come shopping with me by the way but "doesn't really fancy it".

IAmcuriousyellow · 19/05/2019 13:45

Cutted up ham now..

RestingBitchFaced · 19/05/2019 13:51

Shove the ham up his arse?

This ☝🏻

EngagedAgain · 19/05/2019 14:26

Not rtft, and I don't want to help stir something up that's not there, but if he is like this over the ham, I can see him getting worse and worse. He's being unreasonable. I could perhaps get it a bit more if it was reversed, ie, he wanted nice ham and you got crappy ham.

MetalMidget · 19/05/2019 14:41

“A man who is this fussy about the shape of his ham does not deserve a wife, or indeed, ham.“

There is something endearingly Austen-esque about this statement. It's also 100% correct.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 19/05/2019 14:52

Me, I'd tell him to buy his own fucking ham and go fuck himself while he was doing it. But I'm not very nice when it comes to people getting all up their own arses about this kind of thing. Sympathy, OP.

Pk37 · 19/05/2019 15:36

I have never heard of “ham trim” in my life .. I’d tell him to get fucked and go shopping himself

Jamhandprints · 19/05/2019 15:44

Not the point really but how is a slice of ham inedible?

Harebel · 19/05/2019 16:01

It's not inedible or unusable. He's being ridiculous and looking for an argument.

Ignore ignore ignore. Don't rise to the bait if you can help it.

Otherwise tell him to choose his own ham next time. He sounds like a toddler not a partner.

Teacakeandalatte · 19/05/2019 16:21

You should have bought the naice ham.

adreamofspring · 19/05/2019 16:27

He’s now made it easy for you to not buy him his special (unhealthy) food anymore. Just buy what you and the kids will eat.

But also - you could take the piss and get even bigger pieces next time or a whole pork loin.

He sounds like a spoilt teen whinging at his mum.

PollyShelby · 19/05/2019 16:42

What a cannabistic baby

Jemima232 · 19/05/2019 16:42

My DH wouldn't give a shit if the ham trim was full of disgusting gristle masquerading as edible ham. He would eat it anyway.

He does, however, become unreasonably annoyed and strongly objects when I pause live telly to ask what someone has just said. We had a frightful falling-out about that only last week and he took himself off to bed in a huff.

But wrongly-shaped ham trim? Nah. Wouldn't bat an eyelid.

It's just modern technology that enrages my DH. Top man.

Oysterbabe · 19/05/2019 17:10

"I think what you meant to say is thank you"

Catchingbentcoppers · 19/05/2019 17:23

My DH used to be ridiculously petty like this but he knows that I just can't even get into a conversation with him about shit like this.

Many years ago I can remember saying to him 'Can you actually hear yourself? Can you hear what you're trying to start an argument about?' (it was about a fucking butter dish) and I think he felt like such a twat about it he keeps petty shit to himself now.

Occasionally it comes to the surface but I tell him to go stamp his feet somewhere else and that usually works. I hate nonsense like this, if we're going to have an argument, it needs to be about something worth arguing about.