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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding gift

52 replies

Booboooo · 18/05/2019 16:17

Hi. Attending a wedding in july. Im bridesmaid but its very low key so not many duties or formalities. Staying the night in the hotel which has cost us £150. Also need a outfit for hubby and Ds age 4. Cash bar at reception for relevance. So just had a conversation with DH regarding present. They have asked for honeymoon spending money. What would be a appropriate figure? I was always lead to belive you cover the cost of.your food. Im unsure as hvebt been to a all day do in years!!!

OP posts:
Lew1993 · 18/05/2019 16:40

I put £50 in as a honeymoon gift when I was a bridesmaid earlier this year. Not sure what the norm is, just go with what you can afford to give and don't worry about it

Oysterbabe · 18/05/2019 16:42

I reckon £50 too.

UnicornBrexit · 18/05/2019 16:42

At least £50 a head. So for the three of you £150, is it a sit down meal, you might be able to get away with £100 of its just a finger buffet.

CIT80 · 18/05/2019 16:43

We always give £50

Original poster
Booboooo · 18/05/2019 16:47

Would it be 50 a head for a child's portion? Seems steep!

OP posts:
Original poster
Booboooo · 18/05/2019 16:48

I belive its 3 courses. Standard golf club type venue

OP posts:
Geminijes · 18/05/2019 16:48

At least £50 a head. So for the three of you £150, is it a sit down meal, you might be able to get away with £100 of its just a finger buffet.

Why should they pay to cover the cost of their meal?

Surely, a gift is based on what they can afford and not whether there is sit down meal or a finger buffet.

Personally, I think asking for money towards the honeymoon is grabby. The bride and groom should have factored in the spending money and not depend on gifts for it.

Original poster
Booboooo · 18/05/2019 16:50

Its mindfield to be honest. The amount ive paid for the hen party. Wedding make up etc
I wouldnt be in a rush to be a bridemaid any time soon again!!!!

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/05/2019 16:51

Very rude to ask you to be part of the wedding yet not pick up the hotel room cost.

I don't disregard the request for cash, they should pay for their own honeymoon not expect their guests too. It's like an entry fee.

IceIceCoffee · 18/05/2019 16:52

I'm getting married soon. This is why I haven't put any requests about gifts or money. Its far too much pressure on people.
Weddings can be expensive for guests without me throwing about demands.

user1493413286 · 18/05/2019 16:52

At my wedding last year most couples gave us £50.

Original poster
Booboooo · 18/05/2019 17:02

See i dont mind giving money as such. Theyve lived together for years and deserve a nice honeymoon. I just think maybe as im a bridesmaid that im expected to give more. Im most probably overthinking this massively

OP posts:
elsabadogigante · 18/05/2019 17:05

Rude to ask for money. £50 in plenty.

BluBambu · 18/05/2019 17:05

Your child's meal would most probably be free.. and I definitely wouldn't pay £50 a head anyway! I have given £30 when we had to pay for accommodation as that was what we could afford at the time. At a local wedding where we could stay home I gave £50. This was from both of us, not per head! You don't have to cover the meal. They have chosen to invite you as a guest and chosen the wedding they can afford.

Original poster
Booboooo · 18/05/2019 17:07

And DH agrees with everyone saying £50

OP posts:
Justkeeprollingalong · 18/05/2019 17:08

£50 is more than enough.

Elizabeth2019 · 18/05/2019 17:10

My wedding was £££ a head (husband got stupidly over excited!) but I certainly wouldn’t have expected (or wanted) my guests to gift us any more than £50 from a couple. Most ranged from £20-£50, with some of my more well-off family giving us £100. And my bridesmaids just gave us sentimental gifts which I appreciated rather than money, as you said it’s an expensive gig!

HBStowe · 18/05/2019 17:11

I normally give £100 for weddings but it’s totally dependent on what is affordable to you! No friend would want you to be out of pocket, so give what you can afford.

Eviecee · 18/05/2019 17:31

I got married a month ago, we received varying amounts of cash (£30 to £100 per family) or some ppl brought presents instead. £50 is definitely enough, if anything id not expect a present at all from a bridesmaid

Lyricallie · 18/05/2019 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Banhaha · 18/05/2019 17:40

£40 if you just put a couple of 20 pound notes in a card I'd say that was plenty enough. You've paid for a lot already. Or a gift voucher for a meal out somewhere if you didn't want to fund the honeymoon. They might not even notice a lack of gift if you just sent them a really nice card with lovely words in it.

Mummyshark2018 · 18/05/2019 17:41

No way would I give £50 from the 3 of you, unless that is literally all you can afford. Minimum dh and I would give if we were both attending a wedding would be £150, more if it was a relative or if we were part of the bridal party.

icecream432 · 18/05/2019 17:56

I wish some of the posters on her had come to my wedding 😂! I've always given £100ish for the two or three of us at past weddings we've attended.
However, we had our own wedding last summer (luxury do with high quality menu and details) and did note that most people didn't give half as much as what we would have. One family came 5 adults and 2 kids and gave £60 between all of them. And some guests gave no gift at all. Quite a few actually. That's fine, but it did make me realise there's no need to be overly generous when other people are not.

Don't give more than you can afford. £50 ish is enough. No need to give loads unless you really want to.

Original poster
Booboooo · 18/05/2019 18:27

That's another thing. Pushy MOH wanting us to fork out on extras for the hotel we are staying at while on the hen. Limo to the bar, cocktail making classses. We dont really even have time to do the extras as there was so much already planned. Oh yes and this was sprung on us 2 weeks before we go! I actually suggested we all chip in a tenner (12 of us) and do a little hamper type gift for the hen as a surprise but it would seem MOH doesnt agree. Oh god i much prefer just a invite to the evening do
Were i just stuck £20 in a card and bought the B&G a drink each!!!!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 18/05/2019 19:02

Whatever you can afford and want to spend. We got gifts from £0 to £500.

I was grateful to the people who came, presents were a nice bonus.

I absolutely wouldn’t expect a guest to cover their costs.

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