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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding gift

52 replies

Booboooo · 18/05/2019 16:17

Hi. Attending a wedding in july. Im bridesmaid but its very low key so not many duties or formalities. Staying the night in the hotel which has cost us £150. Also need a outfit for hubby and Ds age 4. Cash bar at reception for relevance. So just had a conversation with DH regarding present. They have asked for honeymoon spending money. What would be a appropriate figure? I was always lead to belive you cover the cost of.your food. Im unsure as hvebt been to a all day do in years!!!

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 18/05/2019 19:05

I vary the gift depending on where the wedding is and how close I am to the couple. Don’t have any issue with money requests as sometimes people don’t need more stuff and I rather they use the cash on something they like later in.
Have given anything from 20 ( evening invite 4hrs travel from the city and not a drink provided) , 60 for a pub wedding ( me and a plus one) to 300 for a full sit down dinner and open bar by a very good friend.
Think 50 is fine for the two of you for a uk wedding .. seems pretty much the norm here and it’s a pay bar etc and informal venue so seems fair enough!!! Plus if you’re bridesmaid AND they are making you foot the bill for your makeup/Hair then I think 50 is akready pretty generous considering your contribution to the wedding. Don’t feel bad!

UnicornDaisy · 18/05/2019 19:11

I would give £50 too

PurpleFlower1983 · 18/05/2019 19:14

Guests at my wedding gave between £20 and £400 Shock We were gobsmacked at their generosity. Most couples gave us £50 (per couple), I usually give £50 or £60 but when I was a bridesmaid I gave £100.

Original poster
Booboooo · 18/05/2019 19:18

PurpleFlower1983 i was thinking £100 same as you

OP posts:
NotMyPuppy · 18/05/2019 19:21

£50 - £100 I reckon.

I disagree with the poster who said it’s rude not to pay BM’s hotel. I staunchly believe you pay BM dress, flowers, hair etc but have never come across paying for their hotel, not for the night of the wedding anyway.

Sparkletastic · 18/05/2019 19:23

£50 is ample.

Chippychipsforme · 18/05/2019 19:23

£50. We do £20 for friends, £50 for close friends and relatives, £100 for immediate family.

I'm bloody great value on the dancefloor though so my presence alone is worth loads.

Original poster
Booboooo · 18/05/2019 22:01

Chippychipsforme im pretty sure that's why i was asked along for the ride...... i give good dance floor!!!!!

OP posts:
HollaHolla · 18/05/2019 22:48

£50 single/£100 couple for an all-day wedding.

wildhairdontcare · 18/05/2019 22:58

£50 to £100 if a friend. Last time I was a bridesmaid it was family and we paid for the four tiered cake! Blush

BlueMerchant · 18/05/2019 23:07

I would definitely expect my room paid for if I was part of the bridal party. I would think it's strange having to pay when I'm there to assist the bride.
I think as you've paid your own room £50 gift is about right but probably £100 if I hadn't forked out for my own room.

Pinkprincess1978 · 18/05/2019 23:17

I've never 'covered the coat of my meal'. For one, how do you know how much they didn't fit two, that could Mean giving more to someone you love/like less that another couple because you know they are having a fancier wedding and spending more.

£50 imo is more than generous. Couples should not be looking to recover the coat of their wedding.

Redshoeblueshoe · 18/05/2019 23:29

I got between £ 0 and £50. We honestly didn't care if we got any gifts, we just wanted people to enjoy themselves.

BlackcurrantJamontoast · 18/05/2019 23:33

Covering the meal is an american thing- not expected in the Uk at all.

if cash then £50-100 the upper limit being for very good friends/non sibling family

JE87 · 18/05/2019 23:41

I always thought it was supposed to be around £100 per couple but I got married last year and most didn't give anywhere near! The average was £40 so I would just give what you can afford and they won't remember who gave what anyway!

Honeyroar · 18/05/2019 23:52

I think £50 is plenty. I don’t think many people that came to our wedding gave much more than that. I was quite embarrassed at the few people that did.

happyhillock · 18/05/2019 23:59

I would give £50 no more

ScotsinOz · 19/05/2019 02:49

We always give £100 per head for friends. So if we both go, we give £200, if only one goes, £100. For family weddings, we gift £500 to £1000, £500 for a less close cousin, to £1000 to a sibling, along with a gift.

When I have been bridesmaid I have given £300 as they are a very close friend (in addition to all the other costs associated with being a bridesmaid).

I think anything less than £50 per person is stingy - we want the couple to enjoy a nice gift or experience and anything less than £50 won’t get you much. Also, we have only ever been to weddings where everyone is invited for the whole day - it’s only on MN that I heard of two tiered weddings and I think that is disgraceful.

awalkintheparka · 19/05/2019 07:59

I give £50-£75 as a couple. Sorry but I won't put more in and it wouldn't be expected. I think that is a lot in itself. I'm surprised by the amounts people are stating. The most we received was £100 from one person at our wedding. £25 per person seemed the default amount. We were grateful for that

rookiemere · 19/05/2019 08:31

£50 from you all as a family is fine.

Feel that the tradition of covering your costs as a guest is no longer appropriate now that people are expected to stay in expensive hotels for the wedding and fork out for big hen/stag dos.

Justkeeprollingalong · 19/05/2019 09:32

A lot depends on your personal wealth; @ScotsinOz is at one end of the scale giving £1000, plus a gift, plus all the associated costs of attending a wedding but £50 is completely acceptable at the other end of the scale. My daughter had a list and there were gifts ranging from £5 to £500 A few people didn't give at all and some were extremely generous. She was grateful to them all - they were setting up house not going on honeymoon. This was the original purpose of wedding gifts.

GladAllOver · 19/05/2019 09:43

If I invite people to a party they are my guests and I don't expect them to pay to attend.

A wedding reception is just another party.

elsabadogigante · 19/05/2019 17:50

Covering the meal is an american thing- not expected in the Uk at all.

I have no idea where so many on MN got this idea but it's total BS! This is not 'an American thing' at all. But then, nor are evening do's, which don't exist there.

fourandnomore · 19/05/2019 18:01

Give what you want to give. £50 as a gift is plenty, but if you want to give £100 do it. My bridesmaids travelled a long way to be there and I made it clear I did not expect gifts (we didn’t give out a list or any info about gifts as I genuinely just wanted people to come and celebrate). They didn’t give us gifts and i thought nothing of it. Loads of people didn’t and loads of people did, which was so kind, ranging from about £20-100. This covering your meal thing seems crazy - you get married, you pay for a wedding. It’s not someone else’s job to pay for their own meal, in my opinion. I hope you have a lovely time at the wedding!

Armadilloboss · 19/05/2019 18:05

I usually go off £100 if I’m invited to the day, £50 if I’m invited to the evening. However, if I was struggling I would not be worried if I put £50 in and went to the day. I’m sure they’re happy your there and not worried about how much you can give them.