To think I am 'careful' and not 'cheap'

[goawaywillya]

Okay a bit of back ground story. My dd1 attends a sn school and recently became good friends with a new girl in the school. This little girl is from a quite well off family and wants for nothing.
Today at a social event I got chatting to this child's mother who told me about how they had recently spent £120 on a new princess bed for dd and how they have a planned holiday to NZ next year to visit family. She also described going to the cinema or local play centres each weekend and how the eldest dd has violin lessons etc
Then she asked about my own circumstances and I described what I do on a frequent basis to save money she looked shocked and said ' oh. We should be cheap too'. I was a bit 🙄 and when she said ' if you can ever afford to eat out as a family you should try Nando's, they're cheap 'I was like

I'm not jealous of this family. They have good jobs and deserve to spend their own money as they see fit, but AIBU to see myself as 'careful ' rather than 'cheap'. Some of what I do is-

. Dress dd2 in ds old trousers as boys clothes are tougher anyway and her dresses are worn again as tops with leggings.
.once a week I raid the fridge/ freezer and dinner is a mix of this ( I hate waste)
. I sew and darn clothes and can replace a zip
. I have made sardine heads into a pizza topping before
.i have invited family to dinner and kept their left over bones to make stock
. Do not eat out because it's not affordable and I would be shocked by the prices anyway.
I make my own laundry liquid/powder
.i make cake out of banana skins and also out of whole oranges and lemons including pips
.instead of paying huge fees for holiday activities I take the kids to chase the pigeons and feed them sausage roll crumbs outside our local Greggs 😳 or just to play at the park
Our local children's centre does nice low cost/ free activities also.
.i have bought cheap products from Asda and placed it into an empty box of 'posh' product.
. I regift unwanted presents for birthdays or Xmas
.i make vinegar from 🍏 cores
.i once made a homemade suncream when I could not afford a bottle of the real stuff
. I love charity shops and bought dds birthday gift there for under £10. Plus we have taken the kids there to spend their pocket money on toys and books.
.if something is over £5 I will struggle to buy it on principle
.. I grate used bars of soap to make new full bars
. I love summer, i don't have to use the heating 😁
. I buy clothes for ages older than the dcs are so they grow into them and I feel I'm getting my money's worth.
. I got rid of my tv licence and now just use Netflix and YouTube.

See, it's nothing extreme, just trying to save money as we go along. I'm sorry this post is so long , it's just hard to stop once started.

.

Your dd will he secretly hoping to be adopted by her new friends family.

YABU just for encouraging children to chase birds

Nothing the matter with darning and being able to put a zip in, I can do both too. I used to work with someone who threw out her or her children's clothes if a button came off or hems came down because she said she didn't know how to fix them (she'd never tried). I was hard up when my children were young and couldn't afford a holiday every year so used to do lots of free stuff to keep busy during school holidays. I bought and still buy supermarket own brands. However I've never ever thought about putting sardine heads on a pizza. And vinegar is really cheap to buy. As is soap etc. And £120 isn't that expensive for a bed. Also there are places (round here anyway) where you can eat out really cheaply, our local Italian does specials of 2 courses for 4.99. It's nice for you and your children to have a treat one in a while OP.

YABU for encouraging the children to be cruel to the poor pigeons.

I hope this isn’t real because if it is, I feel sorry for your children.

If we were all more like the OP then the environment would be in a much better state. Sadly I’m a massive consumer of things I don’t need like the rest of you. The amount of food waste in my family is criminal.

Keep up the good work OP (but perhaps ditch the home made suncream if you value your health)

I am so confused - I am confused why the other mum was telling you how much she spent on a bed and then you responded with a long list of things you do to save money. If this is real, I suspect she looked surprised because I don't think she asked you how you saved money - she was probably asking what clubs and interests your child has.

So she was just casually telling you what she does at the weekend's and you sprouted all that?! The,
"Instead of paying huge fees for holiday activities I take the kids to chase the pigeons and feed them sausage roll crumbs outside our local Greggs" This made me think you're mental and cry with laughter! 😂 I started off reading your post thinking you're frugual...but now I think you're very cheap!

I have to go to work soon and I have tears streaming down my face here.
You could always try roadkill casserole for a cheap meal OP if you need a change from dead relatives.
Keep their bums though, saves money on bike storage.

I’m laughing at the thought of solemnly reeling off the list in the OP being considered ‘banter’ .
Why are you telling someone things you did to save money as a one off 20 years ago? Except to let her know what a better person you are than her?
My children’s beds were far more than £120. Good quality solid wood and will last years and years.

Did you feed your relatives sardine head pizza? I feel like they deserved something a little more extravagant for their last meal.

I'm crying with laughter at this thread, thanks OP! 😂

to be honest some of it I think sounds awful ( banana peel cake, sardine head pizza and homeade Sun cream ) Also not really understanding the feeding pigeons part do you mean you buy a sausage roll and give them the crumbs or you pick crumbs up other people have dropped on the floor ? The rest fine you are frugal but I don't understand how this came about ? a mum at school told you her weekend/ holiday plans so you told her you do all of this to save money ? why ? I mean i see saying oh we are going to the park or to feed the birds but I don't understand why you told her all of this. It was obvious she wouldn't be on the same page as you I sort of get swapping tips if you found out someone else was on the same page as you but not with random school mums who are just making basic chat with you at drop off.

@Reasonstobeearful that 'bash their fucking heads in' tipped me over the edge, I'm trying to get my baby down fir a last bit of sleep but now stifling tired giggles and disturbing her

Just looked up banana skins thinking they are poisonous. A revelation. Full of B6 and B12, and lots of other vitamins. Much healthier than the banana.

Not sure I'd fancy it but sounds as though their properties could turn a pony into a unicorn.

Banana skins in food is the only normal thing she’s suggested — A lot of East African / Indo-African cuisine uses them

Some of this stuff is fairly normal and some is incredibly cheap (not careful).

I do many of these things as it’s what I was taught from my grandparents (who lived through the war and the depression) and my parents who followed what my grandparents did.

I used to hand down jeans and unisex clothes from one child to another. I would make sure I bought good quality clothes that would last all kids without wearing out. That stopped working as each child turned 10 or so and developed their own tastes/style/wants.

I make my own stock as it’s easy and uses leftovers. Saying that though I use things like carrot heads that I would otherwise throw out during food prep, chook carcasses after I have picked meat off for meals. I would never use leftovers from peoples plates, that actually turns my stomach.

We don’t eat out much as a family, not due to budget but because of everyone’s food requirements/intolerances, just difficult and never ends up being fun as someone always announced they think they can taste x in a dish meant to be free of x and so on. Similarly I make most food including cakes from scratch so I know exactly what’s in it.

i have bought cheap products from Asda and placed it into an empty box of 'posh' product
See, this is cheap. I’m hoping to goodness you don’t then gift this to anyone. I imagine if I received a cheap product that had been repackaged into a premium brands packaging I would think wtaf. I would prefer the product in original packaging then I would decide what to do with it.

The sardine head pizza deal made my stomach lurch. I also think the homemade sunscreen is fraught with peril, hopefully only inflicted on yourself and not your kids?

Eating out is surely a social experience. So yes you can eat at home for cheaper, but getting the night off cooking and being out and about in a different setting is the experience you are paying for. I also find it odd to put cheap products in more expensive bottles- that suggests that you care about branding and expensive products and yet you take pride in being 'cheaper'. If you take pride in that lifestyle, why disguise your cheap products in branded bottles?
As for the children, paying for activities exposes them to new people, new skills, new experiences. Yes, there are things we can do for free but I don't think there's anything wasteful about doing paid activities for children in moderation alongside going to the park. Hanging out around Greggs sounds pretty depressing though, to be honest! Are they allowed to have a cake? 😊

I think you are cheap.

If you can afford to buy your children clothes and take them out for the day once in a while then you should.

Their friends are going to soft plays and the cinema and they are chasing bloody pigeons.

4 bars of soap cost less than a pound.

Just throw the banana skins away ffs.

Honestly I'm struggling to believe this is even real though.

Did she even ask what you spend/save money on? I mean, what exactly did she say? It sounds like she was talking about general things and in return you have told her about your frugalitties. The bit about left over bones, sardine heads and homemade sun cream made me feel a bit sick 🤢. What do you put in the sun cream? I am imagining your poor kids running around in old clothes, on their hands and knees outside Greggs, smeared in mayonnaise!

You'd save shitloads more if you ate your children.

OMG 😂😂. Howling at this thread

Just seen you can do vegan “pulled pork”burgers with banana skin.

Quite excited by this.

Most of the other stuff is a bit horrible though. I grew up in a poor but thrifty family. Can’t deny the love. But I still felt the loss at not getting the nice stuff other kids did. The reason consumerism is so big is that people do like the latest clothes,products that smell nice, trips out, new things etc. Not all the time but when it’s needed.

Yeah. You're cheap.

YABU for feeding pigeons outside Greggs. They're horrible birds & don't need to be encouraged to hang about.
The other stuff is bonkers too. How you got into a conversation about all that with a near stranger is beyond me.

You had me until sardine heads. Sardine-head pizza, for fuck's sake! This will HAUNT me.