To think I am 'careful' and not 'cheap'

[goawaywillya]

Okay a bit of back ground story. My dd1 attends a sn school and recently became good friends with a new girl in the school. This little girl is from a quite well off family and wants for nothing.
Today at a social event I got chatting to this child's mother who told me about how they had recently spent £120 on a new princess bed for dd and how they have a planned holiday to NZ next year to visit family. She also described going to the cinema or local play centres each weekend and how the eldest dd has violin lessons etc
Then she asked about my own circumstances and I described what I do on a frequent basis to save money she looked shocked and said ' oh. We should be cheap too'. I was a bit 🙄 and when she said ' if you can ever afford to eat out as a family you should try Nando's, they're cheap 'I was like

I'm not jealous of this family. They have good jobs and deserve to spend their own money as they see fit, but AIBU to see myself as 'careful ' rather than 'cheap'. Some of what I do is-

. Dress dd2 in ds old trousers as boys clothes are tougher anyway and her dresses are worn again as tops with leggings.
.once a week I raid the fridge/ freezer and dinner is a mix of this ( I hate waste)
. I sew and darn clothes and can replace a zip
. I have made sardine heads into a pizza topping before
.i have invited family to dinner and kept their left over bones to make stock
. Do not eat out because it's not affordable and I would be shocked by the prices anyway.
I make my own laundry liquid/powder
.i make cake out of banana skins and also out of whole oranges and lemons including pips
.instead of paying huge fees for holiday activities I take the kids to chase the pigeons and feed them sausage roll crumbs outside our local Greggs 😳 or just to play at the park
Our local children's centre does nice low cost/ free activities also.
.i have bought cheap products from Asda and placed it into an empty box of 'posh' product.
. I regift unwanted presents for birthdays or Xmas
.i make vinegar from 🍏 cores
.i once made a homemade suncream when I could not afford a bottle of the real stuff
. I love charity shops and bought dds birthday gift there for under £10. Plus we have taken the kids there to spend their pocket money on toys and books.
.if something is over £5 I will struggle to buy it on principle
.. I grate used bars of soap to make new full bars
. I love summer, i don't have to use the heating 😁
. I buy clothes for ages older than the dcs are so they grow into them and I feel I'm getting my money's worth.
. I got rid of my tv licence and now just use Netflix and YouTube.

See, it's nothing extreme, just trying to save money as we go along. I'm sorry this post is so long , it's just hard to stop once started.

.

I just want to know why @goawaywillya has bolded the words banana skins and whole oranges and lemons in the opening post.

Is this whole thread a stealthy advert for that baking website that has been linked several times on here?

love that this is still going

Very funny thread but some replies show how wasteful we now believe to be the norm. I would not buy a 50p soap when you can get 4 for a pound.

Fish heads can be given for free and cooked for soup and for fish stock. My mum was very put out when tesco said their policy was now to throw all fish heads away. Another consumer waste.

£120 on a child bed is not cheap but standard. You can get good beds for less on ebay, gumtree, on sale in argos, ikea, etc without hardly even looking.

My mum has always been 80% frugal but spends 20% on stuff she does really like (but she hoards and that's gross) . I'm frugal but buy low priced quality, searching for great priced items that last. It's my hobby and my super power. I love it.

Lots of people on this thread need to read frugal hedonism and the year is spending nothing.

I refuse to even open a tin of sardines as it brings back the weekly childhood dinner of sardines and rice or pilchards with rice. My mum still enjoys that now. I never did eat mine and willingly went to bed hungry.

I would not buy a 50p soap when you can get 4 for a pound.

Eeeek! I buy soap from Lush which costs a fiver ! You wouldn't like my spending 🙈

Redbedhead-your soap may be more expensive than "value" brand but how long does it last and do you spend money on shower gel/bubble bath etc as well?
Noone's gonna pay off their mortgage by saving £2-3 a month on soap.

Your children are going to RUN when they’re old enough. Insanely tight, OP, and sound pretty joyless as well.

I love the smell of the Lush soap I get, I've stopped using shower gel. Life's little luxuries 😂

Competitive frugalness is just s crass s boasting about wealth. £120 on a bed isn’t exactly footballer territory - and trust me - I doubt you find the poorest in society picking up crumbs outside Greg’s.

While I actually love the op (10/10), some people’s comments make me rage - do you honestly think that those who are on the breadline are making fish stock and homemade sunscreen

And I tend to find that competitive cheapness never actually comes from those who actually are in need - more sanctimonious people who aren’t

My DD had Greggs today. I tried to get some pigeons interested so that I could take a photo for this thread but they wouldn't eat the crumbs!

I must say that the arrogance of The AIBU crowd is quite toxic. School yard bullies behind keyboards/ phones/ iPads and whatever else. You practically trash somebody for admitting they have frugal ways ( I'm not convinced that this a real post by the way) and admittedly bad grammar. Yet youre probably praising mums who come on here with 'I buy Iceland frozen £1 chicken and water down milk ...' and so forth.

I assume the op and most of the people here are female . Women just love to trash each other

I love all the comments. Crying with laughter.

In all seriousness op, please don't go too overboard with the frugality. Please let your kids know they are worthy of nice things too.
Banana skin cake?

OP if you're doing this to be economical, then I almost feel sorry for your children to some extent. What experience do they have of doing nice things? Of going to the cinema, to play centres, having a bed they want (btw 120 isn't expensive).

Some things, such as regifting presents, mending clothes, keeping clothes, no TV licence etc is sensible.

Never eating out purely because of the price? Not everywhere is expensive and it's a nice treat to have now and then.

Nor paying more than 5piund on principle? I assume you mean things like books or toys? Nothing wrong with charity shops but there feels something very wrong with the level of restriction

The banana skin cake doesn't sound appealing. Unless you're on the poverty line, what's wrong with blueberry muffins or just plain banana bread instead? What chance does DD have for nice things?

The keeping uses bones for stock is very odd OP.

Re the making your own washing powder - do your clothes really smell nice and fresh as a result?

Sardine heads are again very extreme.

I'm afraid op the majority of your list does sound very extreme and not at all 'just saving money'. I mean this very gently, but was money an issue before? Old habits die fast but this sounds like quite a restrictive life for dd with not much 'luxuries' which aren't really luxurious anyway!

I'd say saving money level is things like reusing clothes, regifting presents, meal planning, freezing leftovers (before being dished up!), Not having the heating on when no one is in the house, turning lights off in rooms, using the last of food in meals to save waste (eg there's a pepper on the turn so you chuck it in a curry, or chop and freeze it for next time, not baking from banana skins). Your reality does sound very different to most other peoples and I'd not be shocked if other people commented in future. If you're really hard up for money I hope things get better for you. If not, I would read through your list again and try and understand how restrictive it is and how it comes across to others. Perhaps consider the long term effects living so frugally will have on dd

Sardine head sounds gross but is it a culprits thing? Bone broth is good for you!

Scrap that, I do feel sorry for your kids. It's not so much for the fact that you live so frugally, (if for eg you were really poor and framed the post as such you'd have had different replies!) It's more that you think your very extreme way of living is normal and makes you morally superior to all those wasteful folk

It doesn't. And I'm sorry but I think if you have the money to do so, then spend it however you choose. I mainly use Lush products for the shower, in fact I went there today and bought two small bottles that I don't strictly need (I have two on the go at home) however one fragrance (American cream) had ran out and besides which I like using different shower gels on different days. At home we always had imperial leather shower gel which was ok, bit the special shops were too pricy in mams eyes. So that's a little luxury I give myself. So is buying a room fragrance spray from next that smells lovely, as opposed to trying to do one myself.

I agree that cutting down on waste is a good idea, recycling, donating to charity boxes. That said, if I want to spend my hard earned cash on shower gels, new boots, nice holidays, etc etc, then I will.

And I imagine a 'materialistic' lifestyle (I hate that term actually, as though it is awfully wasteful, and a crime to enjoy your money. It's perfectly ok for people to enjoy life otherwise it's bloody miserable) is less damaging to children than the extreme lifestyle you list. Your dd will be a prime target for bullies as she gets older.

How will she feel when she knows her friends all spend weekends going to the cinema, parks, shopping malls, etc and she has none of that?

How will she feel wearing brothers hand me downs at age 11ish when other girls are starting to develop their own taste and wear bright jeans etc?

When everyone's discussing going to nandos after school and discussing what they'll have and your dd not joining the discussion because she's never been and doesn't know what they serve? Or even worse not being able to go due to it costing more than a fiver.

Most teenage girls (in fact most people I know!) Prefer shower gel to soap. I always have, for example. You get a better lather off it. I also imagine you're not buying interesting smells. So again when she's in school or with her Mayes and they're discussing which lush / body shop etc product they like best, she will feel left out.

I'm sorry but unless it's a life of necessity (in which case I hope things improve in your future) I actually think you're disadvantaging your dd. imagine living a life where all you get is hand me downs from a relative of a different gender, where your clothes don't smell of comfort like others, where you never eat out, where you have no say in shower gel or soap, where you wear clothes much bigger than your actual size (one size bigger is fine especially for really young children but anything more looks ridiculous), where cruelty to animals is normalised (I'm quite afraid of birds after a terrifying incident with a seagull when small but I don't go chasing them. Except when I was 18months and my parents soon got me back). Where you never do the same activities as your friends, where you eat sardine pizza, where you burn I'm August due to fake suncream.

That doesn't sound a happy existence does it? It's certainly nothing to be superior over

Yet youre probably praising mums who come on here with 'I buy Iceland frozen £1 chicken and water down milk ...' and so forth

‘Probably’? So you don’t know if they are or not? I’ve never praised anyone for buying a frozen £1 chicken or watering down milk .

@SoyDora I meant this particular style of comment would be praised for it 'ingenious ' quality. Anything but really.

@imonlyatoyspider everyone is takimg a piss because the post is obviously not real.
I have never seen anything like this with genuine posters suffering hardship. People rally around and help woth budget and ideas. This post is obviously a joke and if not it's bit arrogant tbh.
Still can't imagine how someone "asks about circumstamces" 🤷‍♀️

Also. Is there really a £1 chicken?

I think the OP means they keep clothes from The older child to put on the younger child. Not that that younger is in clothes much too big for them. It's strange that a lot of 'cola drinking, Nando's and kfc eating ' mummies are offended by somebody saving money. ( not everybody of course)

Would it? I guess we must read different threads as I’ve never seen watering down milk being classed as ‘ingenius’.
No one is trashing someone for being frugal. Avoiding waste is, in general, a good thing and we should all be doing more of it.
However spending your weekends entertaining your children by standing outside Greggs chasing pigeons is, frankly, a bit bizarre. And the OP has admitted herself that some of the things on her list she only did once, years and years ago. So why use them as examples of her frugality in small talk with a stranger?

I grew up in a house near a cliff with no fridge or electricity. Does this horrify you all too?

It's strange that a lot of 'cola drinking, Nando's and kfc eating ' mummies are offended by somebody saving money

Again, how do you know that any of the people on this thread are cola drinking, Nando’s and KFC eating?! You’re making assumptions to fit your narrative.
No one is ‘offended’ by the OP. The OP is bollocks.

I grew up in a house near a cliff with no fridge or electricity. Does this horrify you all too?

No, why would it?! Why are you taking it so personally?

Couldn’t care less if you had electricity or not. My GP lived in a county where most people only had oil so was completely normal and didn’t affect life in anyway.

I agree- OPs post is bullshite. Full of examples she did once 20 years ago. Who cares?