To think I am 'careful' and not 'cheap'

[goawaywillya]

Okay a bit of back ground story. My dd1 attends a sn school and recently became good friends with a new girl in the school. This little girl is from a quite well off family and wants for nothing.
Today at a social event I got chatting to this child's mother who told me about how they had recently spent £120 on a new princess bed for dd and how they have a planned holiday to NZ next year to visit family. She also described going to the cinema or local play centres each weekend and how the eldest dd has violin lessons etc
Then she asked about my own circumstances and I described what I do on a frequent basis to save money she looked shocked and said ' oh. We should be cheap too'. I was a bit 🙄 and when she said ' if you can ever afford to eat out as a family you should try Nando's, they're cheap 'I was like

I'm not jealous of this family. They have good jobs and deserve to spend their own money as they see fit, but AIBU to see myself as 'careful ' rather than 'cheap'. Some of what I do is-

. Dress dd2 in ds old trousers as boys clothes are tougher anyway and her dresses are worn again as tops with leggings.
.once a week I raid the fridge/ freezer and dinner is a mix of this ( I hate waste)
. I sew and darn clothes and can replace a zip
. I have made sardine heads into a pizza topping before
.i have invited family to dinner and kept their left over bones to make stock
. Do not eat out because it's not affordable and I would be shocked by the prices anyway.
I make my own laundry liquid/powder
.i make cake out of banana skins and also out of whole oranges and lemons including pips
.instead of paying huge fees for holiday activities I take the kids to chase the pigeons and feed them sausage roll crumbs outside our local Greggs 😳 or just to play at the park
Our local children's centre does nice low cost/ free activities also.
.i have bought cheap products from Asda and placed it into an empty box of 'posh' product.
. I regift unwanted presents for birthdays or Xmas
.i make vinegar from 🍏 cores
.i once made a homemade suncream when I could not afford a bottle of the real stuff
. I love charity shops and bought dds birthday gift there for under £10. Plus we have taken the kids there to spend their pocket money on toys and books.
.if something is over £5 I will struggle to buy it on principle
.. I grate used bars of soap to make new full bars
. I love summer, i don't have to use the heating 😁
. I buy clothes for ages older than the dcs are so they grow into them and I feel I'm getting my money's worth.
. I got rid of my tv licence and now just use Netflix and YouTube.

See, it's nothing extreme, just trying to save money as we go along. I'm sorry this post is so long , it's just hard to stop once started.

.

I love the image of the other mum mentioning she has bought a, fairly cheap, new bed for her daughter and the op replying ‘oh really, I make vinegar from apple cores’.

If you're really hard up then good on you.

If not some of these things are straight up weird, sardine heads on pizza?! Whilst a lot of kids activities can be free I'm not sure I'd be entertained by a day out feeding sky rats manky, processed sausage rolls...

OP you are having a laugh right?

Some of it is fine. I think repairing old clothes and using up food waste is sensible.

Refusing to eat out on principle and struggling to buy anything which costs more than £5 is weird.

£120 for a bed doesnt seem extravagant.

Yes I wanna just wondering that about stock. I made it once from a recipe on here. Had to use onions celery herbs carrots and the chicken carcass. Booked for about 4 hours so all that energy.

Tasted of nothing at the end so I had to put some knorr cubes in anyway 😳

The veg were unreusable tasteless mush that needed binned.

The only good bit was a little more meat fell off the chicken carcass but it cost a fortune in money and time terms compared to a stock cube. If you’re able to make a home made stock that’s mega tasty I get it but if you’re like me it’s a total waste of resources.

Am I the only one who can't get past the shaving bars of soap thing? Seriously? You're not being careful mate sorry. Being careful is saving 20p carrier bags and cooking a big chilli in bulk. Shaving soap, using leftovers for stock and homemade suncream is just being a massive, massive tight arse!

instead of paying huge fees for holiday activities I take the kids to chase the pigeons and feed them sausage roll crumbs outside our local Greggs

these poor kids. You take them go feed sausage roll crumbs to the pigeons? Do you buy the sausage rolls and then feed them to the pigeons or do you literally let your children hunt for crumbs on the ground and feed them to the birds I hope not...

😂 hilarious!

But there are actual people out there like this!

I'm not cheap, BUT...

I was with you, OP until the banana skins

Apart from the cannibalism and the sardine heads (bletch) and the orange pips and the pigeon bothering (and the dressing your children like scarecrows) none of this is overly mad. (Although you don’t sound a barrel of laughs, sorry OP!)
The point is not necessarily the cost of 10 stock cubes in Asda, it’s the use of stuff you have to hand already, so chicken bones negate the need for stock cubes. The energy to make the stock probably comes out roughly equal.
Buying a ball of wool to darn is more cost efficient than just buying more socks, even if the cost is the same.
Keeping apple cores to make vinegar seems perfectly reasonable if you eat a lot of apples (otherwise won’t they be at different stages of decomposition?)
There are recipes online for making your own laundry powder from borax, soap flakes etc. Bought in bulk the packaging and environmental impact will be lower.
I’ve just googled a make your own sunscreen recipe which sounds reasonable. The ingredients will break the OPs rule of it having to have happened years ago or cost under a fiver, but it’s doable.

Which beggars the question why the OP only did these things a couple of times years ago? Because all that leaves me with is the impression of a joyless article watching her children flapping around outside Greggs while innocent people try to eat their Steakbakes in peace.

Come on OP, you’re either an eco warrior or a cheap bastard. Which one is it?

Sounds like a joyless life to me!

Well I thought that the banana skin cake was a joke, but apparently it's a thing, and they're used in certain types of cooking. I stand corrected.

I do know that certain countries where the inhabitants are generally less squeamish about food like to suck out the brains of prawns, so sardines might be similar and I have heard of whole citrus cakes, I think Nigella has done a recipe.

Vinegar from apple cores sounds perfectly reasonable as does using the leftover chicken bones for stock, even if they have been on someone's plate - they're boiled for hours after all. Having said that, I agree with RJ that home made stock seems to be a waste of time and effort. I've tried a few times, even with naice free range chickens and lots of extras, and it's messy, time consuming, expensive and I don't like the result. So despite doing lots of cooking, and being generally thrifty, but not to extreme levels, it's something I've vowed nver to attempt again.

It's all about balance. There's no need to live on air and cheap noodles if you don't need to, but most people do have to compromise financially somewhere, they can't afford everything they may ever want, so it's usually worth thinking about how you can do things cheaper or less wasteful. Especially as there's so many vouchers and deals around, that you can usually pay less for the same thing, with a little effort and planning. Mending clothes and using hand me downs is also to be commended, providing it's reasonable, ie not wearing clothes that are massively too big or small - there's too much waste and too many people see clothes as disposable.

The OPs friend may also be careful. They could have a membership to the soft play place, that makes it a cheap day out. They could be using all manner of deals to go to the cinema cheaply, only a fool pays full price. £120 really isn't a lot for a bed and maybe by also being careful, that's how they can afford to go to New Zealand? And yes I know that many people won't be able to afford this no matter how careful they are, but for a lot of people, it's a matter of prioritsing and choosing where you spend your money.

Which beggars the question why the OP only did these things a couple of times years ago? Because all that leaves me with is the impression of a joyless article watching her children flapping around outside Greggs while innocent people try to eat their Steakbakes in peace.

Good point!

Being frugal is one thing but Why did you even mention to her the things, that you subsequently said you did years ago and don't do any more, as things you do to 'on a frequent basis' ? Were you trying to impress but it backfired in her thinking you're a cheapskate?

I missed that ladyofthecanyon said similar.

I'm not actually quite sure how to respond to this post. There's being conservative and environmentally friendly etc. But I can't help but think all that stuff must be incredibly time consuming, at the expense of your children.

Taking them to sit outside Greggs is absolutely not an activity.

None of what the other school mum mentioned was out of the ordinary.. £120 for a bed isn't a lot at all and fair play to them for showing their daughter amazing places like New Zealand.

We also travel round in a caravan (well, campervan) but that doesn't mean we put sardine heads on pizza and make our own 'sunscreen'. We just live normal lives and our DD perhaps sees more places than other children.

Once Johnson is PM and No Deal Brexit happens, we'll be flocking back to this thread begging OP for money saving tips...

You are cheap and your life actually sounds pretty miserable with your constant over the top scrimping. I really doubt the way you live makes you happy and you've said you can afford things so why do you do it? A few years ago I had to stick to a strict budget for a 18 months (maternity leave and then starting a business) but the extent to which you do it is completely unnecessary.

I grew up in a poor household which genuinely did have to scrimp. My (single) mum went without so my sister and I could have new clothes every now and then, a caravan holiday every other year and the occasional day out but seeing my mum worrying about money so much had an impact on me. I remember when I left home I spent years not knowing what to do with my money. I'd go months not spending it other than on the absolute necessities thinking I was good for saving it. I was utterly miserable watching my friends having the time of their lives and craving the things I could easily buy but then feeling extreme guilt when spending money on even the smallest of things. I have a really good balance of saving and spending now with no guilt but it took about 8 years. Do you wonder how your lifestyle will effect your children?

Also, please stop making fish head pizza for your children.

How does someone just ask your circumstances?
"We are doing xx. So are you poor or rich?"
I don't get how that conversation went tbh.

And I really hope you didn't name all this to her, because half of it is "cheap". And some don't make sense! Like the homemade sunscreen looks way more expensive than cheap bottle of done one.

If MN chicken makes for 127.5 meals, how mnay meals can you get out of MN person? 😂
Loving this thread!

I suspect you're after 'goodness me, well done, aren't you amazing' type answers.

This

Why on earth would you take your kids to chase the pigeons? I always see kids doing this in town and I'll never understand why parents encourage their kids to see scaring animals as entertainment

I'm with the OP re: home made stock. It makes food taste miles better than with stock cubes, which are full of salt.

I dont know if you are for real OP (and I suspect not - and if you are, you are cheap by the way), but thanks for a great thread, I am crying laughing