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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want GMil to be left alone in my house

70 replies

Panda90 · 17/05/2019 15:19

Mil wants to bring her mother (is it GMil?) and said to dh that we can go for a walk with DC while GMil stays at the house while watching a film because she can't walk far. I don't want to either have to look after her or to leave her alone in my house because I barely know her and she can barely walk and is becoming forgetful. I don't like the idea of leaving someone I barely know in a room or house alone for what could be a few hours. I have no idea if she is trustworthy or that she wont look in rooms, cupboards or drawers. According to mil she is a narcissist which I have no evidence for or against because I barely know her.

OP posts:
ambereeree · 17/05/2019 15:21

She's your husbands grandmother...what does he think? He must know her pretty well.

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 15:30

Dhs opinion on his family isn't trustworthy. Mil is also very toxic, she is the controller, engulfer and critic from Susan Forwards toxic inlaws but that another thread. Wrote about her before under different name and the consensus was I should go low or no contact. I would not trust mil in my house alone. Dh doesn't think his mothers behaviour is an issue at all.

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Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 15:31

It's also the way she says things like a command, telling me what to do on my own turf. She always talks to dh and me like children.

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TakeAChanseyOnMe · 17/05/2019 15:35

How old are your DC? Could one stay with her?

Can you phrase it as “oh I wouldn’t want to leave her alone, what if she had a fall/got locked in the loo?” Etc.

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 15:36

TakeAChanseyOnMe only one dc, aged 18 month old. Thanks I might use that line, good way of saying it.

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Blondebakingmumma · 17/05/2019 15:37

Why do you have to go for a walk? Can you not stay at the house to keep an eye on GMIL?

Blondebakingmumma · 17/05/2019 15:37

I think you may suddenly sprain your ankle cue limp

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 15:38

Blondebakingmumma don't really want to have to keep an eye on her. Would prefer if I could do something to relax myself as I barely get any me/ relaxation time.

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peachesandclean · 17/05/2019 15:39

It's your house. It's completely up to you who you do or don't leave in it for however long.

Don't let your MIL dictate it! She can do that in her own house

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 15:42

I will be the one cleaning and tidying the mess so it doesn't look like a complete tip tonight and tomorrow morning. Will be annoyed if they put me forward for looking after GMil while they go out

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SleepWarrior · 17/05/2019 15:43

There's a certain balance of maintaining boundaries versus picking your battles with these things.

Personally, I don't think I'd have an issue leaving an elderly lady with poor mobility alone in my house to watch a film, even if she was a snooper. Make it fun - hide anything you really wouldn't want her to see and put some inappropriate/silly things to find in your drawers etc - a helium balloon that floats out if she opens a deep drawer, a series of dominoes that topple if she goes in your bedroom etc (nothing dangerous or scary, she is elderly!). Leave that toxic in-laws book on your bed too. If she doesn't snoop, fine. If she does, you get a good chuckle about it.

Backinthebox · 17/05/2019 15:43

I imagine if your DH told you he was not happy with you leaving your grandmother alone in your own home you’d tell him where to poke that opinion! Surely it’s his home to and he can leave a family member in his house if he wants?

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2019 15:44

She’s your husband’s grandmother!

Gigglinghysterically · 17/05/2019 15:49

Why does your MIL need to bring GMIL at all if she is just going to stay behind in your home while you go out for a walk? Is it to see her GGC?

Why go out for a walk? Why not just stay in for the visit? Provide them with coffee and biscuits and get to know GMIL a little.

As the worry of what GMIL will do in your home while you are out would stress you out I suggest you just say 'no' to your MIL to going out for a walk and leaving GMIL home alone.

Nesssie · 17/05/2019 15:51

What do you think she is going to do? You are overreacting. YABU

Missingstreetlife · 17/05/2019 15:51

Why can't she leave her at home with a film. I would visit them in future, or not

Gigglinghysterically · 17/05/2019 15:52

Have I misunderstood? Won't your MIL be there too or is she going out elsewhere and just dumping GMIL on you?

UnicornBrexit · 17/05/2019 15:52

Dhs opinion on his family isn't trustworthy

[hmm} ??

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 15:53

Gigglinghysterically good point. Yeah the whole point of mil bringing GMil was so she could see her GGC who she hasn't seen since Christmas. So them taking dc out while GMil stays and watches a movie most of the time here seems stupid and pointless to me.

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SilverySurfer · 17/05/2019 15:54

Simple solution: your DH stays with his GM. MiL goes for walk, you go do what you want to do.

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 15:56

Gigglinghysterically mil and GMil coming so GMil can see dc. But dh, dc and mil are going for a walk most of the time here and just leaving GMil at the house.

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BertrandRussell · 17/05/2019 15:56

Or you just behave like normal people and leave gmil watching telly with a cup of tea while you go for a walk.......

RomanyQueen1 · 17/05/2019 15:56

Gosh, no way should you be doing the work, is your dh disabled though?
Best rule for a happy household. Whoevers family does the hosting prep and cleaning up.
I hardly see dh family, strangely enough Grin

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 16:00

Now that Gigglinghysterically has mentioned it what is the point of GMil visiting because she wants to see the GGC if her GGC is going to be out walking with dh and mil for most of the time?

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Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 16:02

RomanyQueen1 he would be fine with the house being a messy tip when his mother visits and would either not do it or just hoover the living room and think that will do

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