Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want GMil to be left alone in my house

70 replies

Panda90 · 17/05/2019 15:19

Mil wants to bring her mother (is it GMil?) and said to dh that we can go for a walk with DC while GMil stays at the house while watching a film because she can't walk far. I don't want to either have to look after her or to leave her alone in my house because I barely know her and she can barely walk and is becoming forgetful. I don't like the idea of leaving someone I barely know in a room or house alone for what could be a few hours. I have no idea if she is trustworthy or that she wont look in rooms, cupboards or drawers. According to mil she is a narcissist which I have no evidence for or against because I barely know her.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 17/05/2019 16:07

How long is the walk? Surely a walk would take an hour tops. If she suggests going further say no, that you need to get dc back for dinner, nap whatever. Ignore her if she tries to tell you what to do in your own home. She doesn't get to dictate. Lock your bedroom door before you go out. If you have anything worth snooping for (paperwork such as bank statements etc) then leave it in the locked bedroom. If you don't have a lock then put the items in the attic if you really think GMIL will snoop.

TixieLix · 17/05/2019 16:15

Is GMIL going to get up to much if she can barely walk? I wouldn't think she'd go upstairs if she has limited mobility. Make sure anything private is put away somewhere out of her reach. Set up an iPad in your bedroom with a camera/motion detector app that alerts you if someone enters the room.

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2019 16:28

“Set up an iPad in your bedroom with a camera/motion detector app that alerts you if someone enters the room.“
What would you do with the information if somebody did?

PutyourtoponTrevor · 17/05/2019 16:29

Why can't GMiL stay at her own house if you're leaving her alone anyway?

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 16:33

PutyourtoponTrevor I'll ask dh that. It's probably just a away for mil to boss us around. She loves controlling everything

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 17/05/2019 16:34

Or it could be that it’s a bit unkind to leave her at home when there’s an outing happening- presumably there will be tea and chat as well as walk and film?

Dandelion1993 · 17/05/2019 16:37

Tell your Mil that it seems silly brining gmil if you're all going out. Either she comes and you all stay and include her or don't bring her.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 17/05/2019 16:48

Put marbles in the bathroom cabinet...

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 16:51

Mil has never once cared about being kind since she is a toxic manipulator who tries to control everything down the smallest detail. Even trying to tell us what to buy (picking out the gift and emailing a link) for DH's aunts birthday (her ex sil). At a family outing she will send everyone a very long detailed email about the activities we are doing and the exact food to bring.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 17/05/2019 16:54

Yeah well. No need to be unkind back.
And as for “At a family outing she will send everyone a very long detailed email about the activities we are doing and the exact food to bring.” - I think it’s fantastic if somebody does this. Otherwise you end up with 7 broccoli quiches and no pudding.

Original poster
Panda90 · 17/05/2019 17:03

I find it hard to have a smile and be civil with her because after 10 years of her I'm at the end of my tether. I could write an essay on my mil. I would rather have dinner with Katie Hopkins than my Mil.

OP posts:
user2928362 · 17/05/2019 17:08

Nice to see everyone being so nasty about an elderly lady. Unfortunately, many elderly people who want to see their grand and great-grandchildren and can't manage most of the activities that are suitable for young children. If they don't live particularly local this often means that the only way for them to see their relatives is during part of a visit from or by other relatives.

TixieLix · 17/05/2019 17:12

“Set up an iPad in your bedroom with a camera/motion detector app that alerts you if someone enters the room.“
What would you do with the information if somebody did?

It's no different from putting a helium balloon in a deep drawer, or marbles in the bathroom cabinet. It's just a means to tell whether GMIL went snooping. It's then up to the OP if she wants to challenge GMIL with it, if she's bold enough, and ask why she went into the bedroom, or just keep it in her back pocket as a reason not to allow GMIL to be alone in the house for future visits.

Drogosnextwife · 17/05/2019 17:17

The phrase "Mountains out of mole hills" springs to mind. What's she going to do, rob your house while you are gone? Probably not.

ineedaholidaynow · 17/05/2019 17:17

For all those getting at OP, have you missed the bit that she has previously been advised by MN that her MIL is toxic and should go LC or NC. It would also appear that MIL is not too keen on the GMIL, so maybe that is why MIL is suggesting the walk so she doesn’t have to spend much time with GMIL!

Drogosnextwife · 17/05/2019 17:19

No didn't miss that bit. If mil is so toxic, why would anyone trust her opinion of her own mother?

Alsohuman · 17/05/2019 17:21

Exactly what I was thinking @Drogo. How much harm can an elderly lady possibly do in a couple of hours?

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2019 17:21

“For all those getting at OP, have you missed the bit that she has previously been advised by MN that her MIL is toxic and should go LC or NC”
Well, yes, but this is Mumsnet so that could mean anything. On this thread the only offence appears to be being a bit over organised about picnics.....

queeflett · 17/05/2019 17:25

nope from me

GPatz · 17/05/2019 17:28

'Dhs opinion on his family isn't trustworthy'

She may be OP's husband grandmother, but if he is saying his family is not trustworthy, it's not unreasonable for the OP to trust her husbands judgement and be concerned about leaving her alone in the house.

OP is re-acting to DH. Maybe DH should be the one told not to 'overreact' or 'behave like normal people'.

ineedaholidaynow · 17/05/2019 17:31

When we have parties where people bring food, we get a group chat going so people can say what they would like to bring/make. We don’t dictate what everyone else brings.

I am assuming that is not the only thing that MIL does, as even on MN that would be unlikely to bring a majority vote on going NC

Alsohuman · 17/05/2019 17:35

OP’s DH didn’t say his family isn’t trustworthy. She said she doesn’t trust his opinion of his family.

GPatz · 17/05/2019 17:37

Alsohuman

I appear to have had a reading failure. Thanks for correcting me.

Drogosnextwife · 17/05/2019 17:37

On MN people are advised to go low or no contact all the time. Especially when it comes to pil.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 17/05/2019 17:44

If she is unsteady on her feet and prone to confusion then it would be kinder not to leave her alone in an unfamiliar place. FFS don't put marbles in the cupboards unless you actually want her to have a fall.

I think you need to have a word with your husband about how unkind it is when she has come to see her GGC, for him and his mother to take the child out. You could either stay at home with your child and have tea and cake (thus avoiding MIL who can still go for a walk if she wants) or everybody stays together .