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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think diets don’t work

122 replies

BitterSweetSyn · 17/05/2019 12:03

I’ve just come out of a Slimming World meeting, the biggest I’ve been ever been in my life.

Pre DC I always maintained a normal weight but joined WW after and lost all the baby weight but became a bit obsessed. Gradually gained back the weight plus another 2st Blush so joined the gym, did PTs and got an eating plan. Lost the weight quickly, looked amazing but became obsessed with cheat days and if I messed up and didn’t stick to exactly what the plan said, I binged. Something I had never done before. I’d find myself sitting in the car after shopping, devouring crisps, then because I ruined it I’d eat nearly a whole loaf of bread with real butter at home because I was “starting again tomorrow”
Eventually I realized this was too restrictive so joined Slimming World, threw myself into the group, the online support etc and lost 1.5 stone. Still being about 3stone overweight this didn’t happen quick enough and I hated my body and my relationship with food was destroyed, still binging when I went over my syns.
Ended up coming off and deciding to do the Cambridge Diet. Somehow gained back 2stone before this but then lost 3stone but my relationship with food and myself was at an all time low. The binging was off the scales and I even started using laxatives to have results on the scales if I had overindulged.
Realized this was messing me up more than anything. Quit. Tried to repair my relationship with food and be normal. Binged straight for over a year and today I’ve went back to slimming world weighing 16st and worse still, the same people are there. Either the same size or bigger than ever.

I was normal before I tried to diet. I ate when I was hungry, I enjoyed cooking, I loved baking, food was an enjoyable thing to me.

I cant be the only one? I wish I had just walked and swam more after DC instead of entering this toxic abusive relationship with food.

OP posts:
Original poster
BitterSweetSyn · 17/05/2019 12:45

DelphicOracle your sister sounds fantastic, thanks so much. That’s how I feed my kids and how I ate before. To nourish myself. Definitely need to get back to that thinking, thank you

OP posts:
GoodbyeBlueMonday · 17/05/2019 12:51

Diets don't work because you are on a diet, it needs to be a lifestyle. What works is being in a calorie deficit. You can eat 1500 of ice cream every day and still lose weight if you burn more calories than you eat. You will feel like shit, but will lose weight. I honestly think syns and points and good food and bad food are the worst. I have lost a stone since January with Team RH counting calories and eating sensibly but eating things I love as well. And I'm on 1900 calories a day. It's not fast, but I'm less likely to put it back on as I'm not "on a diet" that is going to end. Look up Team RH, and the fitness chef on Instagram. They have honestly changed my whole attitude to food and I feel so much better for it.

OhSoSiriusly · 17/05/2019 12:59

The thing with SW, WW etc, is that they teach you (subconsciously) to have an unhealthy relationship with food. They teach that some foods are sinful (syns/points) and that others are free. When in actual fact, all food has a caloric value, and is split into macronutrients. Eating until you're practically about to burst on 'free' pasta, but not allowing yourself a slice of chocolate cake, is never going to work long term. You're not feeding your body what it needs to sustain a healthy diet, and your relationship with food becomes negative.

I'm using my fitness pal at the moment, keeping an eye on macros to make sure I'm having a healthy amount of each, and making sure I'm in a caloric defecit. And if I want a bag of crisps, I have it. But then I'll do a bit more exercise to make up for it. Caloric defecit is key to losing weight, not making sure you have less than 15 syns a day and a third of your plate as speed food. That's nonsense.

Have a look at Team RH fitness on Facebook. It's eye opening. He makes some really good points about how companies like SW and WW are just out to make money in the long run

Original poster
BitterSweetSyn · 17/05/2019 13:02

I urge anyone who is tempted by dieting to read up on intuitive eating with a bit of body acceptance in the short term

Could you give me a bit ignored a synopsis?

I find all the diet recommendations a bit depressing really though I know you all mean well but it reminds me of myself every time I found “the one”

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 17/05/2019 13:06

Eating until you're practically about to burst on 'free' pasta, but not allowing yourself a slice of chocolate cake, is never going to work long term

But neither of those things are part of SW.

You are supposed to eat until you are comfortably full (not bursting) on a range of free foods, including pasta, but a significant amount of veg, fruit and salad, plus lean meat, fish, pulses, eggs etc. It is done this way so you can eat actual food without having to count everything you eat.

You can also have a slice of cake, but it has to be within your syn allowance, which effectively limits junk like cake (plus crisps, wine, biscuits and everything else calorie dense that people sometimes eat when they're not hungry). Because to lose weight, you need to restrict calories and that is most easily and healthily done by restricting the amount of crap that you eat.

OhSoSiriusly · 17/05/2019 13:10

The OP has mentioned her negative relationship with food. My point is that syns etc are negative. All food has calories, whether it's a bowl of pasta or a chocolate bar. Eating a load of carbs is no better for you long term than eating something sweet

DuckWillow · 17/05/2019 13:13

Diets don’t work for 95% of people largely because they are not maintainable long term. Most big diet clubs rely upon hooking you in as a repeat member for life. To date only WW has outright acknowledged this.

Check out Rebelfit on FB who has loads of free info about the reasons for this.

Original poster
BitterSweetSyn · 17/05/2019 13:16

I’m hovering over the “Buy Now” button on a book called “Just Eat It” but is that really the right message for me at 16st Sad
The principal seems good but I really do need to get this weight off.

OP posts:
babysharkah · 17/05/2019 13:16

Have a look at Rebelfit on FB op.

Original poster
BitterSweetSyn · 17/05/2019 13:17

Check out Rebelfit on FB who has loads of free info about the reasons for this.

I will thank you.

Thank you all and I know I seem a bit petulant and I’m sorry. I’m just so so worn out with this cycle

OP posts:
BookwormMe2 · 17/05/2019 13:27

YANBU and you're not alone. Dieting screws with your body AND your mental health. The kindest thing you can do to yourself is let go of the dieting mentality and learn to nourish yourself. There's a thread already going with MNetters who've given up diets for good. I'm nine months down the line and to my surprise/delight my body is adjusting to not being starved/stuffed and I'm now slowly shedding the lbs without any effort.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 17/05/2019 13:36

I'm so sorry to read your OP and my heart absolutely goes out to you BitterSweet Flowers.

Not only do diets rarely work (they do for some people you have to admit) but they usually actually make people FAT. I've said on many threads about the general obesity crisis - one of the reasons why so many end up obese is because of yo yo dieting.

I was 8.5 stone as a teen, wanted to weigh 8 stone. Went on a diet, ended up at 10 stone within 6 months! Never want to become that obsessed with food again!

BookwormMe2 · 17/05/2019 13:37

Also, beware of adopting intuitive eating when you're feeling wretched about how much you weigh, because for seasoned dieters it can easily turn into another regime of its own - the hunger and fullness diet. I still don't follow IE for that reason, because I don't trust myself not to become obsessed with hunger cues, 'the sigh' etc.

Morgan12 · 17/05/2019 13:37

The only thing that's worked for me is a Fitbit.

Log all calories. Make sure there is a deficit of 500 a day at least. If I want to eat more, I move more.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 17/05/2019 13:42

I lost five stone and have kept it off for over 15 years using Gillian Riley's approach which i think is based on CBT? she teaches that diets are like a prison and sooner or later you get sick of being in a food prison and want to rebel and then making your own food choices for the right reasons.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 17/05/2019 13:44

Scarlet Moffatt and all the other minor celebrities who go on crash diets - perfect examples of how diets don't work.

Stephen Fry - lost 6 stone very quickly 10 years ago. Now he's larger than ever.

MothershipG · 17/05/2019 13:44

I don't know what to do about my relationship with food. I was taught to clear my plate and there was nothing to eat between meals so what I did was ignore feeling full as I had to clear my plate and I didn't want to be hungry before the next meal.

I've always been overweight. I lost quite a bit recently by low carbing, which worked for a while but has now stalled.

My problem is that how & what I eat have nothing to do with hunger. I love food, I love cooking and baking, I have a sweet tooth I miss sugary foods so much. 😕

How on earth do I overcome a lifetime of habit and conditioning and learn just to see food as just fuel not a major source of pleasure???

joystir59 · 17/05/2019 13:46

I have learnt finally after years of yo-yoing, that the only way is to own a good pair of scales and to regularly weigh myself and to eat normal portions of a wide range of foods, including treats on Saturdays. Normal eating, not a diet. Nothing is off the menu but calories get reckoned up and my body gets weighed once a week. I'm really happy with my relationship with food now. I also mostly stopped eating bread because it bloated me terribly.

Original poster
BitterSweetSyn · 17/05/2019 13:46

I am the type of OP I usually hate (everyone agree with me!) I’m sorry I’m just so peed off today. I genuinely do appreciate all of your posts!

The last few have made my heart burst to know I’m not alone. I think that’s what I was subconsciously looking for.

Really interesting thread linked above, I’m feeling little pangs of hope and “it doesn’t have to be this way!”

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 17/05/2019 13:48

People diet then stop
Then diet then stop
Then diet then stop

It’s not the diet that’s the problem, it’s the stopping

nornironrock · 17/05/2019 13:50

Sadly, I have to say of course diets don't work. Even just from a purely economical point of view.... If one diet worked as designed, it would take all the market, and become the de-facto diet for everyone.

It's the same with anti-aging skin cream. If one genuinely worked, people would automatically buy it at the exclusion of all others, making the brand huge.

Calories in

joystir59 · 17/05/2019 13:51

Sugar is addictive. We only eat sugar on Saturday, which is the day when we indulge in whatever we fancy. Inthe week we eat fruit after meals, and my partner, who had an incredibly sweet tooth, has lost the urge to pig out on sweets after dinner. Making the change to our eating patterns together has helped us both enormously, and the weight keeps slowly coming down. It feels effortless, which is the really weird thing about it.

BookwormMe2 · 17/05/2019 13:53

Don't apologise OP, so many of us have been in your position today. It's that knowing you're heavier than you'd like to be and realising you can't face the crushing torture of going on another diet. It leaves you feeling so conflicted.

BookwormMe2 · 17/05/2019 13:53

I LOVE that Sandra Aamodt TED talk, sleepwhenidie. Watching that and also the Embrace documentary were my lightbulb moments.