To think I won't survive on £48 pcm !

[Thegardenismine]

Long story short I've just become single 😀I've many a thread on here under a couple of user names over the last few years and you've helped me get through a really bad period with H. Thank you.

I was actually preparing to leave as the control and EA was getting so much worse. I need to do the Freedom Program. My plan was to attend the council as homeless.

But !!! He left on Sunday saying he was fed up went depression and I was an embarrassment. He's moved in with his Plan B.

So I applied for universal credit etc and met with a really helpful person at the job centre. It seems I'm entitled to £848 a month. But that includes my rent . Great except my rent is £800 pcm.

What do I do ? If I can't pay my rent I'll be intentionally homeless I expect so they won't help me ?

What are my options. My GP has said I'm unfit for work. Thanks to the H I've no family support. I'm not sure which way to turn. £48 won't cover the water gas electric etc.

I was so relieved when he left but now it's a hot mess !!

keep handing in sick notes and after 1 month of them ask for a uc50 they will make you have an assesment and decide if you would get extra payments. you can also apply to your local council for discretionary housing payments, there is a facebook page universal credit essentials you can join who seem to know more about it than the actual jobcentres etc! they have a bit you can do a calculation as entitled to website is not accurate

"you can't sublet cause it will lower your UC payments."

WRONG. Again

Firstly there is a difference between subletting and getting a lodger.

Secondly if OP gets a lodger her UC will not be affected.

@AnotherEmma yes I can see it’s very confusing. For a benefits system which was supposed to make everything less complicated, it sure is complicated, hmmm!

However the delightful work coach I ended up dealing with wasn’t confused about it, she was doing it deliberately, and typing herself in knots trying to make it make sense. At one point she actually said that the whole department that did the Assessments for Capacity for Work were actually doing it for no reason at all?! She said that the assessments led to err, nothing at all for anyone that went through it, and the whole thing was completely pointless, therefore I was wasting tax payers money by constantly ‘demanding’ to be referred to be assessed... utterly bizarre.

This is why I got it back dated when they don’t back date this premium!

Anyway, it was all very unusual and as the OP doesn’t live anywhere near me it’s not going to happen to you, so don’t worry about it OP, don’t want to worry you even more.

It’s just an example to show you need to wade through it all (with help) then stick to your guns to get everything you are entitled to... and that means you are actually entitled to it, so don’t feel bad about claiming it, that’s what it’s there for

Op firstly I’m sorry you find yourself in such a difficult position. Poor mental health is a bitch. It can affect anyone at any time and there’s no magic quick fix and makes life, even when going well difficult to deal with.

Have u had counselling for this? If not, or you feel you need more help please visit your GP ASAP.

Where are your children (sorry if I’ve missed this), if your H has caused a rift between you now is the time to reconnect and enlist their help. Are there any old friend you could try and reconnect with? They will have known your H was the issue and have possibly been missing the old you. Try thinking of someone who can help you. Do your DC live nearby? If not is there a possibility of moving closer to them.

It’s hard, you desperately need familiarity when you have MH issues and everything else is now up in the air so I can really see why you want to cling to your current property for stability.

But tbh that doesn’t sound like a realistic proposition (and will be best to really move on). I hope your meeting with the council goes well. Over the weekend, give yourself time to think about those you can reconnect with, I know it’s so hard esp if you just want to bury yourself away. Failing that try looking on Facebook for online groups for survivors of emotional abuse (I have done this for a different type of trauma I experienced) it’s amazing how validation from others who have similar experiences can help.

Even if your not particularly religious try going into a local church, many people go for company rather than religious reasons. You might meet new people there in a non- pressured environment (after all you can’t talk for most of it) and over a few weeks people will recognise you without any pressure of small talk etc.

Mind can be really helpful as well OP, it’s really active in my area and helps people navigate these types of issues: Perhaps yours might be equally as active?

Shelter?

WellThis

"For a benefits system which was supposed to make everything less complicated, it sure is complicated, hmmm!"
Ha yes that's very true!

Sorry you had such a bad experience. That Work Coach sounds awful, I hope you complained about her! Glad you managed to get it sorted in the end, anyway.

@Lifeover thank you, I'll look in to what you've suggested.
I haven't done Social Media for a very long time as it was not allowed! Yes I know!
As for family, it will be my priority once I get myself sorted. I don't want them to think I've turned to them because now he's gone I've got no one else and I'm using them. It's complicated.

Also contact Shelter to find out what sort of help is available for you.

@Thegardenismine please please remember non of this is your fault. Your h was the complication in this. He’s gone now and good riddance. What do you think your children’s reaction will be knowing their mum is no longer with this poor excuse for a human, back free to be their mum? Not what you fear but objectively what is their likely reaction. Please reach out. What is the worst that can happen? Is it worse than how you feel at the moment? It might take time to rebuild what was lost but that needs to start somewhere. The same with old friends, please please don’t allow your h to continue his controlling and isolating behaviour even in his absence, try and reconnect to show you are free, because you deserve to be and can be.

And please don’t wait you need your family now, they will probably feel glad you need them. You don’t need to make yourself into some sort of unproblematic perfect person to be wanted by the people who love you.

If you now live on your own then you should downsize to a smaller property. Just because you want to stay in your current house, doesn't mean that the Government has to pay for you to do so. Also, once you start your pension, would that even bring in enough income to carry on paying so much rent? Or do you expect the Government to do that?

OP sorry if this had been suggested. Have you applied for discretionary housing benefit?

Hi OP

I relate to some of your situation and so hope you can get through the initial difficult stage. Housing (or lack of it) is one of the main reasons I'm still with my abusive partner. Like you I don't have dependant children, health problems, and savings long gone. I'm working through possibilities and try to keep hope, but it's hard, I know. It's fantastic you're single and free from your ex!

A few thoughts for you. I'm sorry if they've been mentioned before, I've just skimmed through the thread.

Definitely apply for over 55s social housing. I'm in London but the council told me they would have had somewhere for me had I been over 55 (I'm not). If that's the case for London I'd hope you'd have a fair chance where you are.

Apply for discretionary housing payment. It's usually not given long-term but could keep you going until assessed for PIP and/or you get to pension age - one year you say?

I understand the need for familiarity, home feeling safe. People suggesting you move areas may not realise also that it's not always so easy finding a landlord who will let to someone on benefits. It's not impossible but it's worth checking your options for staying where you are first. Especially if your children live nearby? I hope you can reach out to them and rebuild relationships.

If you move out of a property even though your name is on the tenancy agreement and you are not at risk there (which you are not, your ex has moved out), you will be INTENTIONALLY HOMELESS and you will not be entitled to council housing.

I don't think the benefits system will see him as having moved out if he is still on the tenancy and his post is registered there. There's nothing to stop him moving back in is there. He only left five days ago and if he falls out with the ow he will no doubt be back. In the meantime he can still use the property whenever he wants.

That's the point I was making. Yes, they may still say she is making herself intentionally homeless but what else is she supposed to do, live with an abuser?

OP it's clear that your Plan A would not have worked anyway as council would not have housed you for making yourself homeless.

You can rent out a room and get tax relief on it - be careful who you let to though! Make sure you are only paying single person council tax in the meantime. Find a food bank. So sorry this is happening to you. When the pension kicks in will you be able to cope then?

fairenuff
Stop talking nonsense, you clearly don't know much about the benefits system.
It is based on whether a couple is living together and they are not.
If he moves back in that will obviously change but even then they could still argue that they have separated and are living separately ie in separate rooms (that is complicated though).
If he had not moved out in the first place, plan A would have been viable, OP could have made a homeless application as the victim of domestic abuse but she would have needed evidence of the abuse.

And how do they check whether or not a couple are living together.

Do they just take their word for it?

Or do they look at things like, ooh I don't know, say, who's on the tenancy agreement, who has keys to the property, who is registered there for the mail or to vote, that sort of thing?

And how does OP show evidence of abuse? Unless he's been convicted for abuse, it would be allegations only which are in no way evidence.

What you are saying is that if he waltzes back in tomorrow, Plan A would still work. I'm not so sure it would.

You can apply to the council for a discretionary housing payment to top up your rent while you look for somewhere cheaper.

Definitely apply for PIP, but this won't be quick. Ring up and order the form, and make an appointment with CAB or similar for help completing it (you'll have a much better chance of success if someone experienced does the form).

And google local food banks to see if you need to get a referral.

However you SHOULD qualify for ESA

No new claims for ESA any more, everyone has to claim UC now.

OP, rather off topic but may be of use to you in the longer term. There is a very effective treatment for trauma called EMDR. It’s now recommended by NICE. Please do ask your GP to refer you to a therapist who can offer this.

You were once a fully functioning person and very gradually you can wok towards being one again. A person with a happy future who is not ruled by fear or terror.

Very best of luck.

Oh, I also second contacting CAB for further support. The lady I saw was completely wonderful. I did have to wait a few weeks for an appointment so drop them an email ASAP.

Do you have any pensions other than the state pension? If so, could you look at taking them early?

I was going to ask about private pension provision, but to get a lump sum rather than an income. (The income would just lead to a reduction in UC)

Many landlords who don't want to accept tenants on benefits change their tune if you can wave 6 months rent in advance under their noses, and you can still get UC housing costs paid from the start of the tenancy.

My only caveats would be to draw down £6k max, as otherwise your UC will be reduced, and to check that there aren't shedloads of fees involved in drawing down small sums.

If so you need to get referred for an assessment for incapacity to work quickly...

You don't need to get referred, you can download the form UC50 from the government website, complete it, and send it off the company that does the assessments for your area. If you're in the south-east, I can even give you the address!

However, even if you're found not fit for work, it doesn't qualify you for any extra money: the limited capability for work component was abolished for UC and ESA a couple of years ago. You only get extra money now if you have limited capability for work-related activity, equivalent to the ESA support group.

*If your GP says you’re unfit for work does that mean you can apply for the disability related UC premiums?

I spent 5 months with a job coach telling me this didn’t exist and the only extra benefit for disabled people was DLA/PiP, but they were utterly wrong*

Actually, they were only partially wrong! You don't get any extra premiums added for getting PIP, which is what is generally meant when talking about disability premiums. However, if you are awarded limited capability for work related activity, you are entitled to an additional component (£36pw ish) AND the enhanced disability premium, which is around £17pw.

I've not read the full thread but just came on to suggest CAP (Christians against poverty) you absolutely don't need to be religious to access help from them, they are well respected and have professional staff who help people manage their money and maximize benefits etc. They have local staff and volunteers who come to your home and help.