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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have mistook little boy for girl?

71 replies

SabrinaSpellmann · 16/05/2019 17:31

So I take DS (7) to swim lessons every Thursday, this happened a few weeks ago. We were getting changed and DS noticed another boy had the same towel as him (light blue with green outline), he and the boy were nothing saying how it was their idea to get that type of towel first. I saw another kid standing near them both with the same towel who said “No it was my idea.” DS and other boy asked me who I thought had the idea first and I said “I think it was her idea.” Nodding to the 3rd child.

Third child shouted “I’m a HE!” I apologised and he went back over to his mum, told her (I’m assuming) as she gave me a dirty look. The other kids and parents heard so I was a quite embarrassed.

What’s worse it was the boy’s changing room so I did look very daft! Though parents bring siblings along and into the opposite sex’s changing room to get changed. The little boy had long, red curly hair, soft features - something just clicked in my head that said ‘girl’, I barely thought about it.

I thought that would be the end of it, but no. Weeks on said little boy has been coming over to us and stating that “I’m a he.”, “I’m a boy, you know.”, “You know I’m a boy, right?”, “Why did you think I’m a girl?” I’m confirmed that yes I know he’s a boy and that it was just a moment of confusion on my part.

I didn’t think very much of it but he sounds quite cheeky and then he either stands there staring before going over to his mum or he’s been saying the same to the other boys along with comments of “How is she so stupid?” While glaring at me. Mum has heard the comments and said nothing, other parents just repeat to the boy/their children that it was an accident.

How would you all handle this? It’s making the atmosphere more than just a little bit uncomfortable! Hmm

OP posts:
Encorecockerel · 16/05/2019 17:34

I would just start ignoring the child completely or answering with one word answers. He sounds quite rude and his mum isn’t pulling him up on it. There’s limited options really if his mum can’t see a problem with his behaviour. It was a simple mistake which you’ve apologised for - it says more about someone that can’t move on after an apology for a simple mistake.

optimisticpessimist01 · 16/05/2019 17:37

How bizarre. I've certainly made that mistake before- I just apologised and that was the moment over with!

I'd try and ignore the strange comments, or maybe have a polite word with mum like "sorry if DS is still upset about my mistake a few weeks ago, is he okay now? I know he keeps bringing it up..." and see where that goes, although it might be best in this instance to just avoid each other for a while!

RaptorWhiskers · 16/05/2019 17:37

I’m afraid I’d tell him that he’s a very rude little boy.

SabrinaSpellmann · 16/05/2019 17:39

I’ve said to mum that I was sorry about mistaking him for a girl and wanted to know if he was alright. She literally glared at me and said “Well, you thought he was a girl. Of course he’s upset.” No idea how to respond to that so I walked back to my DS.

OP posts:
Encorecockerel · 16/05/2019 17:41

Seriously, don’t bother with her or her son. Forget about it and start ignoring them both, ignore their comments and ignore the stares. Trust me - you can’t change people like that. She has a bee in her bonnet about it and nothing you can do will change it because you’ve already tried to address it.

Tink2007 · 16/05/2019 17:41

Massive over reaction from his mum and it seems to be rubbing off on the child.

WorraLiberty · 16/05/2019 17:42

Just leave it now.

Unless the kid carries on getting lippy and calling you stupid, then call him out on his rudeness.

Encorecockerel · 16/05/2019 17:42

Or do as Raptor says and say something like ‘I’m sorry I mistook you for a girl, when you are clearly a very rude little boy’ and step back for the fireworks 😄

Itsnotmesothere · 16/05/2019 17:42

Ffs. That's ridiculous. DS was constantly mistaken for a girl and now that his hair is cut, he is still sometimes mistaken for a girl. It doesn't bother me, I like to think that it means he's pretty. It can be very difficult to tell with young children. Really not the end of the world.

ButterflyBitch · 16/05/2019 17:43

Just say ‘yes I know you’re a boy, a very rude one’ when he comments on you. That’ll give them something to whinge about. Don’t put up with it, you’ve apologised already. Nowt more you can do.

hendal · 16/05/2019 17:47

What could be worse than being mistaken for... a girl!!!

Seriously though massive overreaction and the mother needs to look at herself. She’s made this far worse for the boy by allowing him to keep on about it - never mind being so rude to and about you

FWIF I had short hair as a kid and a LOT of adults made the assumption that I was a boy. Can’t say it bothered me, though I do recall wondering why they thought that Grin later years have made that clearer.. see a random kid wearing neutral colors, the kid has short hair = boy. My parents never made a big deal out of it either.

MumbleLumble · 16/05/2019 17:51

My son has curly hair and often gets mistaken for a girl. Doesn't bother me at all. I'd just forget about it and ignore him in future.

bigbadbadger · 16/05/2019 17:55

Grin I'd be quite clear "It's not an insult you know"

SabrinaSpellmann · 16/05/2019 17:56

I did feel like a right twat when it first happened because I thought I’d hurt his feelings/embarrassed him.

But It’s defiantly more him getting the other kids involved. I addressed it last week when he came over and asked DS something like “Why is your mum so daft?” DS defended me so I asked the kid had I upset him with my mistake. He ignored me and walked off. I’m worried it’s going to cause an issue for my DS now as well as the awkward atmosphere with the mum.

OP posts:
BigRedLondonBus · 16/05/2019 17:59

I’m guessing it happens to him a lot so he/ his mum feels defensive ds 7 has long hair and often gets mistaken for a girl, it doesn’t bother us.

DoxxedFox · 16/05/2019 18:00

Oh god who cares. Don’t give this another thought. What kind of parent gets precious about that?

DollyPomPoms · 16/05/2019 18:02

My son gets mistaken for a girl quite a lot. Whilst it doesn’t bother me, it really really bothers him.

poweroverme · 16/05/2019 18:02

Ffs! My eldest was called a girl until he was 5, one time was at a Christmas event and the worker, even when corrected kept calling him she Wink
He knows it was because he had beautiful long blonde hair and a cute face. No big deal at all.
Even now my lo is called she.
I would be more bothered about my dc rudeness and attitude then him being refer to as she.
Tell her to get over it and give her a dirty look back, maybe add in the hand signal from friends. ✊🏼✊🏼

DontCallMeShitley · 16/05/2019 18:05

Just say 'He has such pretty hair doesn't he?'

Then run for it.

Gigglinghysterically · 16/05/2019 18:06

It isn't a big deal. It was an honest mistake. At least there is one young person about knows who and what they are.

I saw 2 young people yesterday aged about 13 in school uniform. I would describe them as a girl with a boy dressed as a girl.

How are we ever not going to make mistakes? It made me think about terms to use to speak to others without using personal pronouns to avoid errors and not be accused of being politically incorrect.

Aquilla · 16/05/2019 18:06

They sound like cheeky buggers and mum clearly has a chip on her shoulder for some reason.

flyingspaghettimonster · 16/05/2019 18:09

What a weird reaction. My son regularoy gets mistaken for a girl because he tends to have shoulder length hair. He usually doesn't correct them or just says "I'm a boy" if he feels a need. He never acts distressed about it, he usually thinks it is funny. I can't think why the mother wouldn't have told him to quit his behaviour by now. Just tell him he is being rude next time.

CherryPavlova · 16/05/2019 18:10

People used to tell me I had a very handsome son whilst looking at a beautiful blonde bundle in a bright pink flowery outfit with a big pink sunhat. It’s a non issue.
The child is being rude and I would tell them so.

DarkAtEndOfTunnel · 16/05/2019 18:15

When I clicked on this I was expecting to have to tell you not to be so silly as to be worried but I see it's not you I need to tick off! The child needs to be pulled up. Could you not say to his mum that this is all getting a bit silly now and it needs to stop?

CastleCrasher · 16/05/2019 18:20

Kid is rude, mum is weird. I have one of each and both have been mistaken for the other sex many, many times. I've felt a bit Hmm when DD had had a bright pink flowery dress and pigtails at the time, but it's a total non issue, for DC and for me