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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have mistook little boy for girl?

71 replies

SabrinaSpellmann · 16/05/2019 17:31

So I take DS (7) to swim lessons every Thursday, this happened a few weeks ago. We were getting changed and DS noticed another boy had the same towel as him (light blue with green outline), he and the boy were nothing saying how it was their idea to get that type of towel first. I saw another kid standing near them both with the same towel who said “No it was my idea.” DS and other boy asked me who I thought had the idea first and I said “I think it was her idea.” Nodding to the 3rd child.

Third child shouted “I’m a HE!” I apologised and he went back over to his mum, told her (I’m assuming) as she gave me a dirty look. The other kids and parents heard so I was a quite embarrassed.

What’s worse it was the boy’s changing room so I did look very daft! Though parents bring siblings along and into the opposite sex’s changing room to get changed. The little boy had long, red curly hair, soft features - something just clicked in my head that said ‘girl’, I barely thought about it.

I thought that would be the end of it, but no. Weeks on said little boy has been coming over to us and stating that “I’m a he.”, “I’m a boy, you know.”, “You know I’m a boy, right?”, “Why did you think I’m a girl?” I’m confirmed that yes I know he’s a boy and that it was just a moment of confusion on my part.

I didn’t think very much of it but he sounds quite cheeky and then he either stands there staring before going over to his mum or he’s been saying the same to the other boys along with comments of “How is she so stupid?” While glaring at me. Mum has heard the comments and said nothing, other parents just repeat to the boy/their children that it was an accident.

How would you all handle this? It’s making the atmosphere more than just a little bit uncomfortable! Hmm

OP posts:
Moonsick · 16/05/2019 18:30

I think it's poor parenting to let your child be that rude to and about another adult. It was a genuine mistake but his mother is behaving dreadfully ignoring that behaviour.

My boy has blonde curls and blue eyes, he is always being mistaken for a girl. He doesn't get upset because he knows that being called a girl isn't insulting.

CottonSock · 16/05/2019 18:33

I like this suggestion

I’m sorry I mistook you for a girl, when you are clearly a very rude little boy’ and step back for the fireworks

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 16/05/2019 18:36

‘Boy or girl - you are quite rude’

Karigan195 · 16/05/2019 18:37

The kid and his mum have gone over the line of ‘rightfully offended’ into rude.

Personally I would by now be telling the child not to be so rude and to go back to his mum.

YemenRoadYemen · 16/05/2019 18:37

I'd just say to him, 'yes. That's right. I did think you were a girl. Now let's move on.'

And if he does it again just keep confining to him that yes, you thought he was a girl.

Might just get him to stop.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 16/05/2019 18:38

I hate to ask - is it actually a boy? 🙄

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 16/05/2019 18:39

Sorry ‘it’ is horribly rude there when I see it written - but not meant as the child ‘it’ rather than the comment.

ineedaknittedhat · 16/05/2019 18:40

Drop in to a barbers on the way there and pick up a card to give to the boy to show his mum 😁

Karigan195 · 16/05/2019 18:40

You could always Ricky gervais from afterlife him and tell him you made the mistake because he’s clearly girly.

(Not a serous suggestion)

HomeMadeMadness · 16/05/2019 18:41

YANBU. Kids are much more difficult than adults to tell their sex. If that had happened to DS I'd have just told him not to worry about it as you weren't looking at him carefully and now you have you can clearly see he's a boy. I definitely wouldn't allow him to keep coming over. The family sound like they got the hump with you about it and are not deliberately getting the kid riled up about it too.

Elllicam · 16/05/2019 18:42

If he asks why you thought he was a girl again I’d laugh and say you think he’s an elephant now because he never forgets. Turn it into a joke and hopefully he’ll stop going on about it.

thirdfiddle · 16/05/2019 18:43

Adult at him. If he addresses you, "I apologized at the time. It's rude to keep bringing it up, can you stop now please." Or if he addresses the other kids, "Excuse me young man, that was my mistake not X's, and I apologized at the time. It's rude to keep bringing it up, can you stop now please." Then every time he does it just shake your head sadly and say "I asked you to stop being rude."

thirdfiddle · 16/05/2019 18:43

Scratch that, elllicam's response is much better!

OkMaybeNot · 16/05/2019 18:44

"You're a very rude little girl aren't you?"

And then ruuunnn

TheCatInTheSquare · 16/05/2019 18:47

Blank him.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 16/05/2019 18:47

Paddington bear extra hard stare?

CharityConundrum · 16/05/2019 18:52

My sons are both mistaken for girls frequently - one has long hair and one loves wearing purple, so I get it. One will correct you, the other might tell you that he's a horse actually, but neither will be offended because a girl isn't a bad thing to be and anyone can make a mistake.

usernameuser · 16/05/2019 18:53

You're a very rude little girl aren't you?

Please say this 😂

Cotswoldmama · 16/05/2019 19:00

My son had long hair until he was about 5 and it was really blonde and wavy and he has huge brown eyes how every 'boyishly' I dressed him people would always say what a beautiful girl he was! I didn't care and neither did he. I always corrected them but really didn't care, he didn't care at all! I think his reaction perhaps is something he's copying from his mum?
I wouldn't interact with him or his mum if they can't get over it!

Pensy · 16/05/2019 19:02

I’d say, There’s no need to be rude; it was a genuine mistake!

BollocksToBrexit · 16/05/2019 19:03

DS (6) frequently gets mistaken for a girl because of his long hair. It doesn't bother us unless they then go on to insist he must be a girl despite being told. That also happens too frequently.

NameChangedNoImagination · 16/05/2019 19:06

You're a very rude little girl aren't you?

Grin

Please say this.

gamerwidow · 16/05/2019 19:06

DD is often mistaken for a boy because she has short hair and usually wears shorts or trousers. It is a non issue. The only time she gets upset is when kids at school deliberately say she looks like a boy to be mean otherwise it’s just an easy mistake. Outrageous behaviour on the mothers part not to pull her son up on his very rude behaviour.

LizzieSiddal · 16/05/2019 19:07

Why is everyone suggesting being rude back to a child? There’s no need for it.
Every time he asks just say “yes I know I was wrong, let’s forget about it now. You’re very good at swimming/ I like your trucks”- change the subject.

InspectorClouseauMNdivision · 16/05/2019 19:07

Explain him a concept of brain fart😁