To get married without having a wedding?

[OkMaybeNot]

We've been together nearly 16 years. 3 kids. Can't afford a big wedding, can't justify the cost of a small one - I've calculated that it would cost us upward of 2k to have a very small wedding with guests in our area, which is money we'd rather spend elsewhere.

I've looked about and it would cost us under £200 for the paperwork, short exchange of vows and bosh, married.

Don't know how to go about it without hurting feelings though. I have a big family, four brothers who have children, and friends who'd be hurt to not be invited. We'd have witnesses, DP's nana probably and someone from my family.

Anyone done this without it causing drama?

!I love this ... But if I was your Mum, I’d be gutted.

Why would anyone feel like this? It’s their day, not mum’s, it’s about them, not you

I would just be thrilled for my kids and their spouses and proud that they did it their way.

My mother in law was the only person who was put out about us not having a big wedding, it's 20 years ago now but I still remember her saying that she felt we'd cheated her out of a wedding.

We did this, and yes people were upset but no one mentions it now. We do sometimes get blunt comments from MIL, and I know she absolutely blames me for not having a big wedding despite the fact it was a decision very heavily influenced by DH.

The in-law is always blamed for every wrongdoing in my experience, as no one wants to believe their precious son or daughter would do anything to disappoint them.

You can’t win anyway, so just do what pleases you both.

And yes, you do need LPAs even if married, especially if there are any sole accounts or you need to sell your property; or indeed if you want to have power over health and welfare. I work in this area.

I have a DS & I would be delighted if he just eloped and got married, or had a very quiet wedding & told us afterwards. I actually dread the thought of a wedding day & having to be ‘mother of the groom’.

Please let us know when you've done it OP...and good luck whatever you decide on. It's your day, nobody else's, so do what you and your DP think is best 🎂💏💐