Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to this is is a bit rude?

98 replies

NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 13:06

Fully prepared to be told IABU, completely lighthearted as I don't care what happens either way Smile

DH has a friend in work who separated from his wife about a year ago. He and DH don't socialise outside of work, and DH is always saying about how this guy (let's call him Ben) has been enjoying life since the separation by using OLD apps like Tinder and meeting random women for sex. Each to their own.

DH has arranged an evening at our house for him, his best friend and DS (12) to watch some big football final in a couple of weeks. No idea what, sorry, I don't have an interest in football. DH is providing food in the form of pizza, nachos etc and beer for the adults.

He has told me that he has now invited Ben, so we will need to buy an air bed, as with one mate on the sofa, there will not be room for Ben to sleep and he needs to stay as he wants to drink. All fine by me, I will be in the bedroom watching Netflix working.

He came home for lunch today and reminded me about his plans, but mentioned that Ben will probably have a few drinks and leave after the food and football as he will "want a shag". I said that it seemed a little rude, to come for a sleepover type event, eat the food and drink the beer provided then sod off for a better option. DH says IABU because he is entitled to do what he wants (and I 100% agree with him there, it's Ben's life) but if I was going to a planned sleepover/party type thing at a friend's house, I wouldn't drop everyone part way through for a meaningless hump.

DH said it's a perfectly normal thing for men to do, and that it isn't rude in the slightest. I said that as we are having to purchase an air bed when we are pretty skint at the moment, for someone who may or may not stay, it is a bit rude, and that surely someone can not have sex just for one, planned evening to spend time with friends.

So AIBU? It's rude, right? Or perhaps not and I am wrong. Like I said, whether he leaves or not doesn't bother me, I'm not involved directly anyway, but it just seems a bit...usey.

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 13:07

To think*

OP posts:
Damntheman · 16/05/2019 13:09

I think it's fine for Ben to leave, just as it's fine to not buy an air bed just in case :) don't buy the mattress, he can kip on the floor if he can't commit, or buy his own air bed.

ShirleyPhallus · 16/05/2019 13:09

YABU - id much rather go somewhere after my night for a shag than sleep on an air mattress in a room with someone I didn’t know!

If he was meant to be going home afterwards (which is less weird than staying over) then it wouldn’t really be your business what he was up to afterwards

Weebitawks · 16/05/2019 13:10

Well maybe your DH assumed he was staying and Ben doesn't fancy it?

Also, they're adults and don't have to have sleepovers if they don't want to.

SneakyGremlins · 16/05/2019 13:10

I mean I quite often go round to my friend's to watch TV and then go home. Not for a shag though, I just can't really sleep unless it's my own bed! I'm male but I don't know if that makes a difference? Sure some women feel the same way!

Surely if Ben is off home that's better for you, as you won't need to buy an air bed? And DH can let Ben know he needs to provide it.

Confusedbeetle · 16/05/2019 13:10

No I dont think its rude at all. In fact I would be glad there was one less body sleeping over. It isnt a childs sleepover party, its an evening of football. You also dont need to buy an airbed

HBStowe · 16/05/2019 13:10

I think it is rude and also gross for Ben to share that info. What the fuck is wrong with a small amount of discretion?!

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 13:11

Sorry, I should point out that Ben asked to sleep over, it wasn't pushed on him. He wanted to stay because he's living with his mum at the moment and doesn't like going back there drunk after a night out (not sure why, perhaps he gets told off Grin)

OP posts:
Bambamber · 16/05/2019 13:12

I don't think it's rude as long as he doesn't complain about having nothing to sleep on in the event he does in fact stay

thewinkingprawn · 16/05/2019 13:12

If they were 12 I would say perhaps (but even then if a child doesn’t want to sleepover then fine) but an adult?! You are definitely being unreasonable! Frankly i’d rather not have a house full of grown men sleeping on floors anyway

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 13:12

Ben can't afford to buy his own air bed.

OP posts:
HBStowe · 16/05/2019 13:13

And I think PPs are missing the point - it’s not the fact that Ben isn’t staying over that’s rude, it’s the fact that he’s planning to stay over (and put OP to some trouble do so) unless he gets the better offer of a shag somewhere in which case he’s ditching them to get his leg over. Hard to see how that wouldn’t be considered rude really.

implantsandaDyson · 16/05/2019 13:14

Yup I think its grand to go on after the football, lots of people do stuff like that. I'm having a thing on Sat afternoon, some people are staying on a bit later and a friend is staying for a bit, having something to eat, then heading on out out Grin. Honestly I wouldn't even blink, I've done it. However I wouldn't be buying any kind of air bed- sofa, floor, chair or he can head home if sleeping arrangements don't suit.

HintOfRaspberry · 16/05/2019 13:14

Since when do adult men have sleepovers?

If he wants to leave, let him. Certainly dont go to the expense of buying something for him to sleep on. He can bring something, suck it up or go elsewhere surely?

GabriellaMontez · 16/05/2019 13:15

If Ben is hedging his bets but you're still expected to buy him a bed. That's rude. I wouldn't object to him not sleeping over.

FoggyDay58 · 16/05/2019 13:15

Who exactly is going to shag Ben à propos of nothing so late in the evening??

Sparklfairy · 16/05/2019 13:15

Just tell him to bring a sleeping bag. Fuck buying an air bed just for him to not use!

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 13:16

Since when do adult men have sleepovers

DH's best friend lives 3 hours away, so he will come down every two months or so and stay the night. He has to stay as it's impractical to go home.

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 13:16

I said that, Foggy, but apparently I'd be surprised!

OP posts:
outvoid · 16/05/2019 13:16

If I’m being completely honest, I think he is saving you a hassle not sleeping over and I’m unsure why you find it rude.

Do you always stay over at your friends house when you pop round in the evening for a chat and a couple of drinks? Ben probably doesn’t want to have a sleepover at a colleagues house but he does want to watch the footie with him. No harm, sounds normal.

Cruddles · 16/05/2019 13:17

Men crashing on sofas and airbeds after drinking and watching football is not a "sleepover"

cstaff · 16/05/2019 13:18

Just don't buy a bloody airbed for an arsehole like that. If he stays he can sleep on the floor.

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 13:18

He hasn't said he isn't sleeping over, outvoid. He asked to sleep over, unless he has the offer of sex.

What is it then, Cruddles? They are sleeping over at our house. It's what DH is calling it, so I've used his wording.

OP posts:
purpleboy · 16/05/2019 13:20

Raspberry I was just thinking the same thing, I literally know no grown men who have sleepovers?
Also think it's fine you you not to buy an air bed and Ben can sleep on the floor if he wants to stay.

purpleboy · 16/05/2019 13:22

Sorry op just seen your update, understand why they would stay over, but that's what I'd be calling it, not a sleepover, makes me think they are 10😂

Swipe left for the next trending thread