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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to this is is a bit rude?

98 replies

NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 13:06

Fully prepared to be told IABU, completely lighthearted as I don't care what happens either way Smile

DH has a friend in work who separated from his wife about a year ago. He and DH don't socialise outside of work, and DH is always saying about how this guy (let's call him Ben) has been enjoying life since the separation by using OLD apps like Tinder and meeting random women for sex. Each to their own.

DH has arranged an evening at our house for him, his best friend and DS (12) to watch some big football final in a couple of weeks. No idea what, sorry, I don't have an interest in football. DH is providing food in the form of pizza, nachos etc and beer for the adults.

He has told me that he has now invited Ben, so we will need to buy an air bed, as with one mate on the sofa, there will not be room for Ben to sleep and he needs to stay as he wants to drink. All fine by me, I will be in the bedroom watching Netflix working.

He came home for lunch today and reminded me about his plans, but mentioned that Ben will probably have a few drinks and leave after the food and football as he will "want a shag". I said that it seemed a little rude, to come for a sleepover type event, eat the food and drink the beer provided then sod off for a better option. DH says IABU because he is entitled to do what he wants (and I 100% agree with him there, it's Ben's life) but if I was going to a planned sleepover/party type thing at a friend's house, I wouldn't drop everyone part way through for a meaningless hump.

DH said it's a perfectly normal thing for men to do, and that it isn't rude in the slightest. I said that as we are having to purchase an air bed when we are pretty skint at the moment, for someone who may or may not stay, it is a bit rude, and that surely someone can not have sex just for one, planned evening to spend time with friends.

So AIBU? It's rude, right? Or perhaps not and I am wrong. Like I said, whether he leaves or not doesn't bother me, I'm not involved directly anyway, but it just seems a bit...usey.

OP posts:
Ninkaninus · 16/05/2019 13:53

Heh sorry no offence intended! Figure of speech, which I thought would have been obvious. But whatever.

ittakes2 · 16/05/2019 13:55

An adult male sleepover? They are adults not 12! He is not being unreasonable - but like others have said - if you have to buy an airmatress he can make a decison now or kip on the floor if he ends up staying last minute.

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 13:55

PregnantSea - I said to DH that it seemed like he was doing this because he was down and he disagreed. I feel sad for him - they have two children and she has been awful to him throughout, she was unfaithful and left him for another man. I think he is doing what he can to forget/occupy his mind. Again, what he does is his business, as I've said throughout. It has absolutely nothing to do with me.

I won't have to do anything in the morning Smile I'm disabled and DH knows if he has friends over, he is the one to do the "hosting".

What's wrong with the word "hump"? Grin

OP posts:
mightskys · 16/05/2019 13:56

I can't stop chuckling at calling it a sleepover, I've got images of these grown men watching TV in their sleeping bags with face masks on Grin

I do think it's pretty cheeky but I wouldn't get too bothered about it.

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 14:00

Both DH and DS love a face mask Grin

OP posts:
ManchesterBorn · 16/05/2019 14:01

next time I have friends staying over at the weekend, I'll tell them we are all having a sleepover Grin
that's brilliant

Yabbers · 16/05/2019 14:05

Nope, he isn’t rude. He isn’t asking you to buy an air bed, that’s your decision. He has said he might stay, he might not, nothing rude about that. It’s your judgement that bothers you because he might be going for a random shag.

Sofa might be taken but presumably there’s some chairs with cushions of pillows or something that can be thrown on the floor? He can take it or leave it.

Merchant · 16/05/2019 14:05

Don’t buy the air bed. Tell your DH to say that there isn’t a bed and you aren’t spending out money as he’s not certain he’s staying. If he wants to stay then he needs to bring a sleeping bag and a roll mat. I’m not sure why you are running around facilitating grown up boys. Let them get on with it. Do you normally get this involved with his social planning? You sound like his secretary!

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 14:09

I'm not involved, I was just curious as to what other people thought. I've already said what happens doesn't bother me in the slightest as I won't be in the same room. I haven't facilitated anything

OP posts:
Sortyourownlifeout · 16/05/2019 14:13

Yabu
Ben is an adult. He can do whatever he likes.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/05/2019 14:17

Ben can’t afford to buy his own airbed
Neither can you really as you say money is tight. Perhaps your dh could borrow some outdoor lounger cushions or a camp bed in case he doesn’t get a scintillating offer. Hmm

CabbageHippy · 16/05/2019 14:18

buy a small cheap air bed or camping bed - they really aren't very expensive & you will then have a spare bed for the future in case your son has a mate to sleep over at any point.

NKFell · 16/05/2019 14:19

I always say sleepover even if grown men because it is still a sleepover Grin

Don't buy an airbed OP- for me, YANBU!

Jaxhog · 16/05/2019 14:29

To ask to stay over after a bit of drink - fine.

To have drinkies then to leave (how?) to get a shag and then maybe come back to sleep over - rude. This would be rude even if you didn't have to buy a blow up bed, in case he might stay over!

Thecabbageassasin · 16/05/2019 14:31

It would be rude if Ben demanded you provide an air bed in the off chance he decides to stay.
As it is I’d let him crash out on the floor, if he doesn’t manage to find a lady wanting a pissed up bloke turning up late one night for a shag.

Hecketyheck · 16/05/2019 14:40

It is a sleepover - it's just not called that - it's called "staying over at someone's house" which is what it's called for any age in our house because I HATE HATE HATE the word sleepover and indeed "play date" - which this is also I guess.

Pllllleeeeeaaaasssseee provide him with the pool unicorn to sleep on.

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 14:46

YANBU in hating the word playdate. I will inform DH that the internet thinks he should have stopped saying sleepover about 25 years ago. That should make him feel very old.

I also have a large, inflatable slice of pizza... I'm actually now wondering how comfy it would be to sleep on it, as my mattress is killing my back at the moment Hmm

OP posts:
mightskys · 16/05/2019 14:48

Noooooooo! Please continue to call it a sleepover!

HappyRoots · 16/05/2019 14:50

Tell Ben he should start travelling about with his own sleeping bag permanently strapped to his back like some sort of mobile serial shagging tortoise. Problem solved.

Furnitureville · 16/05/2019 14:51

Anyone else hoping Ben gets a girl?! Poor Ben. Blow up slice of pizza sounds perfectly acceptable in the likely event he doesn't! 😆

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 14:53

I'm assuming the women he visits have beds, but perhaps an inflatable of his own is a good idea! Might offer him the pizza, we don't use it.

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 16/05/2019 15:07

So he can't go home because he wants a few drinks & so can't drive but if he gets lucky (quite how given OP will be the only female there) he'll head off to 'lucky' woman's for sex - either he can use the same mode of transport that he'd use to get him to his shag to get him home instead or he can stay sober (if he was going to do that & drive to shag) or he can bring something suitable to sleep (or not) on. Buying an air bed for someone to possibly sleep on if they don't get a better offer is not a good use of your money OP.

FriarTuck · 16/05/2019 15:08

Buy an inflatable woman instead - he can get his shag and have something to sleep on!!!!

Original poster
NCforthisone19 · 16/05/2019 15:14

I have no idea how he plans to get to potential shag if he has had a drink. We are quite rural so taxis are expensive, and obviously he wouldn't be driving. I shall ask DH.

OP posts:
Complainingagain · 16/05/2019 15:16

Of course it's fine for him to leave! I've never heard of a sleepover being an event for grown men??? Normally staying over for adults is like, the host doing the person staying over a favour! He probably thinks it's fine to leave as he doesn't need the favour? And like... That maybe you and DH would prefer it if he didn't sleep over? That's what I'd think anyway.

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