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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if a widow is married?

43 replies

Pugwash1 · 16/05/2019 10:47

My Aunt is recently widowed and we are doing lots of admin that asks if she is married, divorced or other. I have tried to search for this online but without much luck. Can anyone help me with this please?

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 16/05/2019 10:48

I would write widowed

squirrelspatchcock · 16/05/2019 10:49

I would say she is not married, but widowed. Normally on forms there is the option to say 'widowed'.

IAmTheChosenOne · 16/05/2019 10:50

If the option of widowed isnt there, then married.

BogglesGoggles · 16/05/2019 10:50

That is other.

Original poster
Pugwash1 · 16/05/2019 10:51

There is no option to write any 'text'. Just nice, neat boxes to squish us into.

OP posts:
pudcat · 16/05/2019 10:51

If it is ticking boxes mark other and a drop down box might appear to write other

saraclara · 16/05/2019 10:52

I'm a widow, and widowed has always been a tick box option in any form I've had to fill in over the last seven years.

What sort of admin are you doing? Although it's not arisen, if I only had married or single to choose from, I'd tick single. From a practical point of view, anyone asking wants to know if there's someone living with you/a next of kin/financially involved with you. None of those things apply to me as a widow, so for any practical purpose, I'm single.

Original poster
Pugwash1 · 16/05/2019 10:53

This is for her driving licence and no drop down box. I wonder if this is so it will come through as Mrs on the documents which is what she would want.

OP posts:
Cottonwoolmouth · 16/05/2019 10:55

If she still wants to go by ‘Mrs’ then tick married

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/05/2019 10:58

If she doesn't have a living spouse, I can't see how she can be considered to be married. After all, if she wanted to marry someone else, there is no legal reason why she couldn't.

Do they ask for her preferred title? Surely no-one would be short sighted enough to assume that a woman's preferred title is related to her marital status these days?

kaytee87 · 16/05/2019 11:00

In that case it would be 'other'

needanappp · 16/05/2019 11:01

I wonder, seeing as unmarried title is generally miss and married obviously mrs, if you ticked "other" would they print the name on the licence as "Ms X" perhaps?

RiddleyW · 16/05/2019 11:02

Other in this case.

Ticking married shouldn't generate "mrs" anyway.

Original poster
Pugwash1 · 16/05/2019 11:03

She ticked Mrs as we decided it was probably how she would want to be addressed on her documents. She definitely doesn't consider herself a Miss or Ms so guess that just leaves Mrs!

OP posts:
HBStowe · 16/05/2019 11:05

The correct box here is ‘other’.

RosaWaiting · 16/05/2019 11:05

I think my widowed mother would say to tick "married".

it might not be a legal status, but if it's about getting Mrs on a driving licence...

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/05/2019 11:07

Are you outside the UK OP? On the DVLA driving licence renewal page, the title options are Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms, Dr, Rev, no title or other, with a chance to enter something else. So you can have any title you like, and your aunt can continue to use Mrs.

I can't see where it asks for marital status anyway, but married is not correct, and certainly she shouldn't choose this option for her car insurance, as it may invalidate her insurance by giving wrong information.

Fabellini · 16/05/2019 11:08

I’m widowed but still want “Mrs” as my preferred title. I’m probably very old fashioned though!

Teddybear45 · 16/05/2019 11:09

If there’s no option for widowed then select married. Usually if it matters (like in banking) widowed is a seperate option.

Lweji · 16/05/2019 11:14

I'd put "other" and "Mrs". Surely they are in different boxes.

Gigglinghysterically · 16/05/2019 11:15

In the absence of a box for widowed the the correct position is 'Other'.

The question is asking for a legal marital status. It has nothing to do with being referred to as 'Mrs' as Cottonwoolmouth infers. Anyone can refer to themselves as Mrs, Miss, Ms, Mr as they are not legally part of your name. They are courtesy titles.

How is it that you cannot work this out?

  1. Is she married? A: No. She was but her husband is dead so she isn't married any more.
  2. Is she divorced? A: No.
  3. Is her marital status 'Other'? A: Yes. This has been worked out by a process of elimination.
Original poster
Pugwash1 · 16/05/2019 11:15

No. Its not for insurance for a new driving licence (change of address as she has been in the unenviable position of having sold their marital home 2 days before his unexpected death) and she will now be living with us for a short time before we move out and she rents the property.

OP posts:
whistl · 16/05/2019 11:18

She's not married. "Till death do us part". It means you stop being married when your spouse dies. Just write widowed.

GottaGetUp · 16/05/2019 11:20

If there are two questions on the form, one for title and one for marital status, then you can just tick Mrs for title and other for status. It’s pretty straightforward.

MRex · 16/05/2019 11:22

If there is no "widowed" nor "other", write on the form or call up and explain.