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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is teen ds re bike helmet?

217 replies

choosingchilli · 15/05/2019 17:18

Ds (14) used to wear his helmet with no issues.

He hasn't ridden his bike in about 18 months purely because our rules are no helmet no bike.

He has a bike sitting in the garage, he wants to ride it to hang out with his friends in the local park but NONE of his friends wear a helmet and he freely admits he won't wear his because he will get "roasted" by his mates.

We're going round in circles, he knows the reason why helmets are important. I feel really strongly about this issue as I've seen brain injuries as a result of split second accidents and even though the roads around here are fairly quiet there is still always that risk.....

He's a good kid and he won't go out pretending to wear his helmet then take it off round the corner (which I half expected him to do).

I'm not usually particularly strict and even though I feel strongly about this I do understand peer pressure and I can see that the majority of teens around here don't wear helmets. AIBU in sticking to this rule?

OP posts:
CallingDrJones · 15/05/2019 21:49

I insist that my toddlers wear one on their scooters but my DH thinks I'm over the top! They're both so wobbly and just learning to scoot that I think it's really likely they're going to fall off.

TheEntertainerr · 15/05/2019 21:55

I wear a helmet and cycle in London on busy roads, mainly. DS doesn't wear a helmet, but lives in a smaller city which has a proportionally higher number of cyclist, most of whom don't wear helmets.

In addition to evidence mentioned previously, there is research that it is more dangerous to wear a helmet because

Cyclists wearing a helmet are more likely to take risks as the helmet gives them more sense of security;
Drivers perceive cyclists wearing helmets as more experienced/safer, therefore giving them less room when overtaking than riders without a helmet.

Interesting video

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/video/2018/may/31/why-forcing-cyclists-to-wear-helmets-will-not-save-lives-video-explainer

BlueSkiesLies · 15/05/2019 22:01

Mandatory helmet wearing does more harm than good. It’s better to be out there on your bike WITH a helmet for sure. But it’s better to be out there without a helmet, than sat inside not exercising and being with his friends.

Have a bit of a reality and risk check about what is and isn’t actually dangerous and think about likelihood snd severity of outcomes.

If riding a bike without a helmet was so god dam dangerous you’d see more people in eg Copenhagen with helmets on.

mne13 · 15/05/2019 22:03

My DS(14) wears his helmet all the time and his friends do...unfortunately we landed up in hospital on Saturday after a nasty biking accident...he has fractured his knee cap, torn his cruciate ligament and there is/was some bone floating in his knee!

He has undergone surgery today to have it fixed but looking at a 6 month recovery time period! I was grateful he had his helmet on...it's a shame his knee pads were in his bloody bag! Tough lesson he has learnt!

So for me no helmet no bike! This has been bad enough and if he going on trails again no helmet or knee pads no bike!

LiliesAndChocolate · 15/05/2019 22:29

I work in the medical publishing industry and I would love to read any evidence based research on how wearing an helmet does more harm than good.... Confused

Vulpine · 15/05/2019 22:36

I hope he wears a helmet in the back seat of a car where statistically he is more likely to suffer a head injury than riding a bike

PaddingtonMare · 15/05/2019 22:38

Having seen the aftermath of a teen who was riding on the pavement and hit by a lorry wing mirror when I was young, I will try and get my DCs to wear helmets as long as possible. It’s true that the teen would probably still have had life changing injuries if he was wearing a helmet, but they wouldn’t have been quite as devastating.

megletthesecond · 15/05/2019 22:42

Mine only have to wear helmets if they're likely to cycle on the road. Which we only do once in a blue moon.

For playing out and trips to the park, we don't wear helmets. All on paths.

SmellMySmellbow · 15/05/2019 22:45

I hope he wears a helmet in the back seat of a car where statistically he is more likely to suffer a head injury than riding a bike
It's this kind of logic that baffles me. Do people really not understand statistics?? Of course statistics are higher for car accidents - we make many more journeys by car than by bike, statistically! And we take what precautions are reasonable to ameliorate risk in cars. We wear seatbelts, we have airbags and roll cages. We don't have seatbelts and airbags on bikes, so we ameliorate risk by wearing protective clothing instead.

TheEntertainerr · 15/05/2019 22:48

@PaddingtonMare James Cracknell had a similar accident. He was wearing a helmet, fortunately.

Nottheduchess · 15/05/2019 22:54

Now, if I were to bang my head against a wall really hard, would it be better if I was wearing a helmet or not wearing a helmet Hmm
People come up with these ridiculous arguments for not wearing them because they just don’t want to wear them themselves and have to try and justify it.
When I see people riding bikes without helmets or riding motorbikes in shorts and T-shirt I just think “you thick twat”. Yeah, it’s your right not to wear them but you have to be a bit thick (as an adult) or a bit naive (as a child) to think somehow it won’t happen to you.

CloudyForest · 15/05/2019 22:55

No wonder we have such issues with childhood obesity in this country when we have parents insisting their DC wear knee pads and helmet to cycle to the park. Presumably a protective suit is required to play football in case of accidents Hmm

LiliesAndChocolate · 15/05/2019 23:11

And me thinking UK’s childhood obesity was due to the crap kids eat!

MyCatHogsTheBed · 15/05/2019 23:13

I'm a bit stunned at how many people are advocating for no helmets Confused

I'm not a cyclist but a horserider, a sport where it's very much the norm for people to wear helmets in the UK. I've fallen from a horse on a road and hit my head on the kerbstone - killed my helmet completely, I had concussion but nothing too bad. I don't have any truck with anybody who is going to try to say but I don't know I would have had a worse head injury - my flipping helmet was sliced in two fgs!!

I'm way more inclined to believe the medical professionals and researchers on this thread than anybody else.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't want to be the mum who said ok to no helmets and whose kid went on to have a brain injury in an accident. You'd always be wondering if the helmet would have helped. If the same thing happens in one of these so called "ineffective" helmets, at least you wouldn't be left wondering what if.

pleasepleasewearacyclehelmet · 15/05/2019 23:13

At the age of 7 my younger brother fell off a bike and hit his head and developed epilepsy. He was not wearing a helmet. Over the last 15 years the epilepsy has worsened and he has suffered brain damage from the seizures, which are uncontrollable by drugs. He is now living in a residential home for adults with learning needs and will never lead an independent life and needs 1:1 care 24/7.

I insist my three children wear a helmet to go on their bikes and scooters. It is not worth the risk in my opinion and I urge all adults and children to wear a helmet.

Original poster
choosingchilli · 15/05/2019 23:26

At the age of 7 my younger brother fell off a bike and hit his head and developed epilepsy. He was not wearing a helmet. Over the last 15 years the epilepsy has worsened and he has suffered brain damage from the seizures, which are uncontrollable by drugs. He is now living in a residential home for adults with learning needs and will never lead an independent life and needs 1:1 care 24/7.

I'm so sorry please but thank you so much for sharing your brother's story Thanks

I am going to relay all these true life accounts to ds. While I know he still won't be happy I hope it might make him understand that these things really do happen and it's not just me bring over protective. His logic is that none of his friends have ever had any issues not wearing helmets but I'm trying to explain to him that means nothing, it just takes a split second and your whole life can change.

OP posts:
CloudyForest · 15/05/2019 23:29

It doesn't mean nothing @choosingchilli. In a split second, you could be run over by a car, lighting could strike your house. or you could be shot through the window. But we don't wear helmets to walk down the street and install bullet proof glass in our homes.

BlackPrism · 15/05/2019 23:30

None of the blokes I know wear helmets tbh, even cycling in London. Over 12mph and they don't help and under 5 you're unlikely to get hurt....

@mumsiedarlingrevolta I did the exact same thing aged 11. Hill cycling, snapped both arm bones. I wasn't wearing a helmet and so cracked my head open- there's a scar where my hair won't part. Also scraped my knees to the bone. I was fine in the end but fuck it hurt.

BlackPrism · 15/05/2019 23:32

I always wear my helmet btw. Even if it doesn't save my life... I don't need more scars on my face and it just feels safer

PaddingtonMare · 15/05/2019 23:36

@TheEntertainerr I remember the James Cracknell coverage, the interview with his wife and the impact on their family has been awful, but in another way he was lucky.

The things I saw that day have stayed with me for almost 30 years. None of the kids I grew up with would ride without a helmet after that.

SnowsInWater · 16/05/2019 05:11

YANBU I would say no helmet no cycling. If other people are happy with the risk that's their choice, you decide for your kids,

It is so much easier here in Australia though where helmets are compulsory (and the chances of a teenager being stopped and fined for not wearing one are pretty high).

RhiWrites · 16/05/2019 07:26

Tell him this OP. This is not the only time he might be roasted for not being like everyone else.

Peer pressure is real. It’s peer pressure that creates situations where everyone drinks too much, or when unconscious girls are gang raped because everyone else is doing it.

He’s probably already being laughed at for saying “I won’t cycle because my mum won’t let up without a helmet”. But the real question is what does he think the right thing to do is? Would he wear the helmet or not if you and the mates didn’t care.

He must decide as an almost adult what the right thing to do it, without factoring in parental disapproval or the laughter of his mates.

That is what it means to be a human.

Original poster
choosingchilli · 16/05/2019 07:26

It is so much easier here in Australia though where helmets are compulsory (and the chances of a teenager being stopped and fined for not wearing one are pretty high).

I wish that were the case here.

Part of my frustration does come from other parents though. A couple of years ago all of his friends wore helmets, fast forward to now and not one of them do. Parents that previously agreed how important they are seen to have backed down, leaving me in the minority and according to ds I'm the unreasonable one.

If we all stuck together as parents (I know how unrealistic that sounds) it would be much easier.

OP posts:
Littlehouseinthebigcity · 16/05/2019 07:33

I don't know where those saying that helmets aren't safer get there figures but neither I or my dd (who I was expecting when knocked off my bike) would be here if I hadn't been wearing a helmet!

Bloomburger · 16/05/2019 07:40

DS had delayed concussion when he fell from his bike whilst wearing his helmet and the way it effected him was very scary. He was confused, sleepy, uncoordinated and it interfered with both his schooling and sports for about 6 months.

The consultant said imagine what the impact on him would have been if he had not been wearing a helmet.

Now regardless of whether it's cool or not his bike is not ridden without a helmet on.

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