To consider taking time off sick?

[AliceRR]

I am prepared for honest answers on this. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

I went on mat leave earlier this year when I was 38 weeks pregnant. Weekend the baby was due, she died. She was stillborn a few days later. I am devastated obviously and I’m still on mat leave as I’m not quite ready to go back yet. I had thought three months might be reasonable but it has been a bit that now and I’m not ready. For a while it took time for things to sink in and we haven’t even got PM results yet. I work in a professional / demanding role so once I’m there need to be able to fully focus on what I’m doing.

I had originally planned to take a year off on mat leave and that would have been fine as DH works too. After we lost the baby he worked for a bit but ultimately left as he’s also in a high stress environment and his boss has been VERY unsympathetic. He’s looking for another job.

I get full pay for part of mat leave then half pay and then statutory. Put simply I cannot afford to pay all the bills on just my half pay. If I had full pay I could just about cover everything ‘til DH gets a job.

We don’t have loads of savings so it’s not like we can just live off of that.

I’ve considered whether I would be better taking the time off sick (GP actually offering sick note is what made me consider it) as I get something like 6 months or 12 months full pay.

I should say I am the kind of person who usually doesn’t take time off sick and often don’t even use all my annual leave as I have always prioritised work over everything else.

I am also wanting to go back ASAP, maybe in a month or two, so I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for that but I know I cannot be sure I’ll feel ready.

AIBU or a CF to consider taking time off sick? Is my employer likely to view it badly? Should say I am good at my job and well respected where I work. I expected promotion this year so don’t want to change their view of me an an employee.

In a way sick leave seems to more appropriately reflect why I’m off than mat leave but if it’s likely to be viewed badly then I’d be more inclined to use the limited savings we have and hope DH gets a job soon but even then that won’t last v longs

Sorry for long post and TIA.

give yourself a break, you need this time. So sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how hard it is. Take the time, they are giving it to you. Stop rocking back and forth on it, pick a date and then pick up the part of your life that is the job again on that date, leave it until then, don't duck in and out.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

A colleague of mine had a baby who was sadly stillborn many years ago, she took full maternity leave (12 months full pay), annual leave and sick leave (6 months full pay) before she was ready to come back on a phased return and not one person ever felt she was in the wrong to do so.

You need this time and if sick leave works better for you than that’s what you should do.

Op yanbu
End your mat leave and go sick
You don't need financial pressure on top of everything else

I think you sound amazingly brave and strong. Look after yourself

AliceRR if you decide to get signed off your note can, and should, say bereavement. It shouldn't specify any other MH condition. Don't know if that would ease your mind any.

Also so sorry for your loss .

You deserve to take sick leave IMHO. It would be a sensible decision in financial terms and, most importantly, would give you a little more time to heal. Essential for your mental health and long term future.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.

Ruby is a lovely name.

Do take sick leave. You need it.

Thanks everyone

I am taking the extra month full pay on mat leave they are giving me. After that if I can I’m going to try to use some KIT days to get back into work. That’s if I feel up to it. Some days I feel I can and some days I don’t.

The sick thing needs to be checked as I was really sure I get 6 months full pay for sick but HR were telling it’s six weeks and that would change things if I were to go on sick.

I didn’t want to ask for my contract as they were good in offering me another month full pay but if I’m still thinking I need more time after another month then I will look into that.

You are right that it’s weird to be on mat leave. There are four of us in my team on mat leave and we’ve all been invited in to the meeting but my mat leave is obviously very different from theirs.

Of course it’s ok to take sick leave. This is one of the most devastating situations for a woman. I am so sorry for the loss of baby Ruby.

Thanks @makingmammaries

I was thinking of using a KIT day for a team get together in a few weeks but now feel less up to it so might give myself another few weeks before I go back