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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advise me oh wise ones, holiday woes, not sure who's cheeky (is it us?)

276 replies

RebeccaWrongDaily · 14/05/2019 23:31

My sister has a holiday home overseas.She offered it to us for no charge (they use ours regularly) for ten days at the end of May beginning of June.
We have booked flights.
Chatting to her earlier this evening, she's said to me that some friends of hers (who I also know well, well enough to attend their wedding) are going to come over for a week while we're there.
This couple are going through severe marital woes, one has had an affair, the other is throwing themselves into the bottle.
They also have very small children (two toddlers) Neither parent is particularly attentive at the best of times. My DH has a tendency to be a helicopter parent. The villa has a pool without a fence. My children are pre-teen and 9.
I have clear visions of us spending the middle week listening to the parents bicker / have make up sex whilst we collectively stop their children from drowning and pick up the slack of early mornings etc.
Would you still go? Would you book somewhere else? Would you challenge your sister?
We stand to lose about 2k if we just don't go, and then would want to book elsewhere by the way which would be an additional cost. Are we cheeky fuckers for expecting sole use of the house?

OP posts:
Antigon · 15/05/2019 15:44

I wonder if these friends have asked to stay at the same time as you do you can babysit their children? Wouldn’t it be great if you cooked for them too? (Might be way off of course)

Wigglesnuff · 15/05/2019 16:07

No way. Keep the flights and get on airbnb and book elsewhere.

Catsick36 · 15/05/2019 16:11

Rent an air bnb locally for the time they are there. Cheaper than cancelling and won't ruin your holiday

TatianaLarina · 15/05/2019 16:21

Is your sister a people pleaser? I am and I know I’d really hate saying no to my friend because I’d already said yes to you. It would feel really uncomfortable for me.

Thereby displeasing your sister...

TeddybearBaby · 15/05/2019 16:29

Yes I would definitely still do it. No way would I expect my sisters to deal with that @Myimaginarycathasfleas

TeddybearBaby · 15/05/2019 16:32

Aye?! @TatianaLarina I said I defo wouldn’t do it cos my sisters would go mental but I’d find it difficult 🤷🏻‍♀️

TatianaLarina · 15/05/2019 16:57

I understood Teddy I was just making a point about people pleasing.

I don’t see why it would be hard not to please a friend if your sisters would be displeased.

But I don’t really get people pleasing.

mathanxiety · 15/05/2019 17:13

I would try my utmost to get a straight answer from your sister as to whether the other family have booked their flights.

If they have not, then you need to be as adamant as you possibly can that the proposal is not on.

Iamnotagoddess · 15/05/2019 17:17

I’d book a separate villa for the middle week and give them the “space” they need Grin

dreichuplands · 15/05/2019 17:35

*Sadly I think you have to do the sums and either bin 2 grand's worth of air fare, or find an extra grand for accommodation (I'm assuming this is the half term when accommodation's going to be pricey).

Then tell your sister what you've had to do, and say from now on all use of each other's holiday homes will have to be on a commercial basis, paying each other the going rate, so you know exactly where you stand.*

I think this is sensible advice.

TigerJoy · 15/05/2019 17:35

Lawks I am furious on your behalf! If your sister won't uninvite the other couple I would just book other accommodation rather than lose the money for the flights. I wouldn't try and share the house as you'll feel on edge around the other couple even if they're not being unreasonable at that actual moment...find other accommodation and tell your sister why!

EileenAlanna · 15/05/2019 17:38

It's your sister's friends who need to make alternative accommodation arrangements. I'd tell sis that she arranged a much needed family holiday for you & the others aren't your family so they won't be staying there. If the other family is relying on you to let them in with keys then don't. Tell your sis & if possible the train wreck couple this so everyone knows what to expect if they turn up. If they lose money on flights/new accommodation/time booked off work then so be it - better them than you.

TeddybearBaby · 15/05/2019 17:43

I don’t really get it either @TatianaLarina. I don’t know why I’m like it, it’s a pain in the arse! Not sure if the sister is this way as well. It was just an idea. I don’t really understand why they had to go at the same time tbh.

EileenAlanna · 15/05/2019 18:13

p.s. given that your sis & her extended family get much free use of your holiday home she'll realise without prompting who she should keep on side with. If she really feels she owes this couple a holiday then she could pay for other accommodation for them herself if she's so determined to play Lady Bountiful with them.

Starfish85 · 15/05/2019 18:37

You are absolutely not a cf. I would be very honest and tell your Dsis you booked flights on the understanding that you had sold occupancy of the home and she simply cannot change the circumstances once you've spent thousands on flights.

girlsyearapart · 16/05/2019 17:41

Yanbu op
My sister is also a people pleaser and invites all the everyone to all the everything at the expense of me being annoyed!

Gth1234 · 16/05/2019 17:45

How big is the place? It must be massive.

BruceAndNosh · 16/05/2019 17:46

I wonder is the OP actually going to speak to her sister about this.
And ever tell us what the upshot was?

justasking111 · 16/05/2019 17:56

I wouldn`t even want them in the villa next door. I would be looking elsewhere. My OH would have hit the roof too.

Nearly47 · 16/05/2019 17:58

Go and do a couple of day trips during the time they are around. It might not turn out so bad. But YANBU.

momtoboys · 16/05/2019 18:00

I'm sorry if this has already been asked and answered but has your sister had to share your home while they visited? If the answer is no then I would be livid. If it were me I would probably grin and bear it and go. However, that is not to say that is the right choice. If I could financially swing it, I would book elsewhere.

Singlenotsingle · 16/05/2019 18:01

No, you're not CFs. Your dsis must have been out of her tiny mind when she did this. Maybe she double booked it by mistake. All you can do really is to have as little to do with these people as you can. Get up at different times, go out at different times and just make it clear that you are holidaying separately.

Pliudev · 16/05/2019 18:03

So has the OP's sister not confirmed that the other family have booked their flights? If not, I think she needs to tell her sister how unhappy she is and that she needs to make a different arrangement. If their flights are booked, I'd go, spend the first day or two when the others are there and then take off for another centre for a few days (as someone else suggested a city, maybe). It might even be a more interesting break that way and knowing it's only for a day or two would make sharing the house bearable.

adrianon66 · 16/05/2019 18:05

I think your sister just wants everyone to have a budget break.
It could be tricky but then again it might be good fun.
It’s one of things that you learn from.
Your kids will probably love having the little ones around them.
Next year I’d go on a budget holiday you’ve booked elsewhere.

Xyzzzzz · 16/05/2019 18:08

I’d be outraged I am hormonal when writing this but still. I hate it if someone messed with my holiday.