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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to call an ambulance for my friend?

107 replies

ISayWhatNow · 14/05/2019 21:10

Firstly - I've done it. He's a very troubled man and is coping with an awful lot at the moment - some very, very serious issues - and personal family stuff. He has a VERY difficult relationship with his father, who is an unpleasant man) I speak to my friend roughly every other day when he's struggling and he knows that he always has me to turn to. His mental health is very, very poor and he's under all sorts of care providers on an ongoing basis for support with this.

He was in court today for an offence (I'm not sure what it is, he hasn't said).

I missed a call from him an hour ago but he left a vm. I just listened to it and he was almost incoherent, really slurring his words, and twice he said "I've got to tell someone, I've got to tell you...." He said he'd been to court and that his father had rung him. That's enough to tip him over the edge and when I tried to call him, repeatedly, his phone went straight to vm. I dithered a bit for a moment and then dialled 999, explained the situation and asked for an urgent welfare check to be done. I think he may have taken an overdose. He was virtually incoherent.

I called 999 so quickly, and now I'm doubting myself. Have I overreacted?? Am I wasting precious time and resources?? I really, really hope not but maybe I should have waited a bit longer and tried to get hold of him again? I don't know.

Has anyone else done this kind of thing before??

OP posts:

Wishiwaswonderwoman87 · 14/05/2019 21:13

You know him best, better to have a welfare check done and be wrong than do nothing and be wrong.

Hope all is ok

Prequelle · 14/05/2019 21:13

I think that deep down you know you're not being unreasonable but you need someone to talk to, please feel free You've been through something scary and traumatic and it's hard to make decisions in a moment like that. You of course did the right thing and you've potentially saved his life.

If you haven't already, make yourself a brew, preferably sweet if you can have it, and just relax for a moment. Let yourself have a minute to just breath.

CareBear50 · 14/05/2019 21:14

No OP....you definitely did the right thing. Hopefully he is fine but you'd never forgive yourself if you didn't call and your initial instinct turned out to be right. You're a good friend x

Pretenditsaplan · 14/05/2019 21:15

If youd of waited and then it of been too late if would of been so much worse. You did the right thing and if the people doing the welfare check didnt also think it was the right thing they wouldnt do it.

coffeeandpyjamas · 14/05/2019 21:15

100% you’ve done the right thing. You are being a great friend. I hope he is okay

TheTrollFairy · 14/05/2019 21:16

You did the right thing! I guess he’s not likely to be somewhere you can get to quickly to check on him? Would he give you a spare key to his house so you can check on him if this situation arises again (assuming he’s at a distance you can get to)

MrsKCastle · 14/05/2019 21:17

You've done the right thing. I hope that he's ok. You must be very worried.

DawgLover · 14/05/2019 21:17

You did the right thing. I hope your friend is ok

specterlitt · 14/05/2019 21:18

OP you know your friend and the situation better than any one of us. You did what you feel is right for someone you cared about as you were worried for their safety - please do not penalise yourself for that.

I hope you are both ok and that better days are to come. Look after yourself. [Flowers]

Shadow1234 · 14/05/2019 21:18

I agree with others, you did do the right thing. You sound like a lovely and caring friend. Hope he is ok. x

Manclife1 · 14/05/2019 21:21

Why couldn’t you have gone round?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/05/2019 21:21

You did the right thing, my DM has done something similar to this before and she had overdosed. I hope he's okay and well done on being a great friend.

FireflyEden · 14/05/2019 21:22

I think the Police will do a welfare check on him and you did the right thing in those circumstances.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/05/2019 21:22

@Manclife1 in a lot of these situations there isn't time to go round and I'm sure she would have done if she was close enough too.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 14/05/2019 21:23

@Manclife1 so many reasons are possible - she lives far away, she has other responsibilities at home and can't just up and go, she has mobility issues herself .... not hard really to think is it?

Greatbigterribleshart · 14/05/2019 21:23

It's very hard to be the relied upon adult in this sort of situation. Being someones go to when they are in a state and when that happens a lot is a struggle most wouldn't be able to handle.
You did the right thing for sure. Better that you call and it's not needed than you didn't and he did need help.
Chances are, he needs help from what you described.
Make sure you look after yourself as well as others too. You sound like a lovely caring person.

lunar1 · 14/05/2019 21:24

I think you've done the right thing.

Prequelle · 14/05/2019 21:24

Why couldn’t you have gone round?

The voicemail was an hour old and on that the man was nearly incoherent. Time is of the essence and ringing 999 was the right call. Not OP traipsing round and potentially being neither use nor ornament and wasted vital time.

jomaIone · 14/05/2019 21:25

Definitely did the right thing. You know your friend and are worried that he has come to harm. That will never be a bad thing.

There's too much emphasis on people 'wasting' emergency services time, please don't doubt yourself.

Daisydo48 · 14/05/2019 21:31

OP definitely not unreasonable. I've had to do this for my brother before and thankfully it was the right decision as his life was saved. Never second guess yourself in these situations if you do maybe one day you'll live with the should of would of could of. Go with your gut feeling.

Really hope your friend gets help and good on you for being such a caring friend

youarenotkiddingme · 14/05/2019 21:31

Of course you did the right thing.

I think in some situations it's best to act on instinct than um and ahhh for ages.

We've seen many threads on here where people are put off seeking help so as not to waste resources and they've ended up in a and e extremely ill and probably actually end up costing the system more.

daffodillament · 14/05/2019 21:35

I do hope he's OK. How awful but he's lucky he has you as a friend he can rely on.

SirVixofVixHall · 14/05/2019 21:41

Absolutely the right thing op. Far better to have made sure all is ok, than to have left it, just in case he has taken something.
I very much hope he is alright op. Poor bloke, thank goodness he has a lovely, caring friend like you.

nocoolnamesleft · 14/05/2019 21:42

I once did something very similar. Whilst the person was contactable and responding, I respected their wish not to call for help. Once they stopped responding I got help round there (I was the far end of the country...and didn't actually have their address, which complicated things a lot). I did wonder if they'd ever forgive me, but a few days later they actually thanked me.

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 14/05/2019 21:42

I've had to ring one for someone three hundred odd miles away from me. And I had a friend ring one for me when I cocked up my medicines, freaked out because I realised something was wrong, sent a badly written message for help then zonked out. It was embarrassing but necessary.

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