People who are ALWAYS a BIT late

[AliceRR]

Somewhat lighthearted but interested in others’ views.

Not thinking of the friends who regularly make plans and cancel or make it clear they double book or drop you if something better comes along... the ones who rarely cancel but are always late (10-15 mins or more).

I’m waiting for a friend in a restaurant. I arrived about 15 mins early as I timed trains to be early rather than late. We were due to meet 15 mins ago and she isn’t here yet. She texted me to ask me to text her the drinks menu (I texted 20 mins ago offering to order her a drink). I said she may as well look at the menu when she gets here as waiting staff have been over three times.

It won’t ruin our evening but I find it mildly annoying.

I could have an extra 20 mins at home and got a train that would get me in bang on 6pm but didn’t in case I was late.

I just can’t think of a time when she’s arrived somewhere first (and I’m not an overly early person)

Does this kind of thing annoy you?

Some people are just like this, and it seems they never change. So yes, you just have to decide overall if their friendship is worth it.

I always allow extra time in case of traffic or difficulty finding parking etc. That’s because I get stressed if I think I’m going to be late and on balance I’d rather be sitting waiting for somebody else than stressing out myself about being late.

I do think that mobile phones make people who are typically late think it is more acceptable, because they can always send a quick text “Running late, be there in 10”

The only time I was ever taught it might be acceptable to be late was arriving for a dinner party at somebody else’s house. 5 or 10 minutes late was actually considered polite in case there was a disaster going on in the kitchen!

I'm interested in that link with ADHD and time keeping. We have a lot of autism and dyspraxia in our family but we are all very keen on being on time. We use a lot of alarms on our phones, and we time all the various tasks we need to do before leaving. We are able to use the phones to overcome our various issues of poor executive function and disorganisation in terms of time-keeping.
I hadn't thought about how much harder that was for someone with ADHD. That said, my friends and colleagues with ADHD are not the ones that piss me off when they are late, neither are the ones with babies and toddlers. It's the ones who simply don't give a fuck.

Why did you arrive so early when you knew she’d be late? Just asking for disappointment really

Well I was working around train times and chose being early over being late but hoped she wouldn’t be 20 mins late

Apparently she underestimated how long it takes to walk from her work to the restaurant but it’s like 5-10 min walk so she can’t have even set off until after 6 (which is when we were due to meet)

Late people are selfish and think their time is more important than others

Completely agree with this

Actually don’t know what dyspraxia is (sorry) so will google now

I've actually dropped friends (and boyfriends) due to this

I have too but they tend to be more overtly late and unreliable. I have had friends whom I just expected to be late or cancel because that’s what they always do (even if they initiated the plans so wasn’t just a get out route) and I have tended to drop them but this friend is just borderline to me. She doesn’t tend to cancel but she is a bit late every time and I just think there’s no need. Today she said it’s cause she underestimated walking time to restaurant but we’ve been there so many times.

I’d rather she just said “sorry I’m a bit late” (I didn’t get that by the way) than “its so much further to walk than I thought!”

I’m like this too. This thread comes up at least a couple of times a month and always manages to make me feel awful.

I don’t mean to make anyone feel bad PP.

I do like this friend a lot and she isn’t unreliable generally. I had a nice time with her.

I have a friend who is always late and rarely apologises and when she does give a reason, it’s usually something that is obviously made up.

She once kept me waiting for 2.5 hours outside a tube station. However, she surpassed this with keeping me waiting for 7.5 hours before finally calling me at 1.30am, half drunk, from a party to say she wasn’t coming to stay at mine after all. This was after being due to arrive at my house at 6pm to go out for dinner, the cinema and drinks afterwards. She clearly had a better offer but didn’t have the decency to cancel that afternoon, preferring instead to repeatedly text all evening saying the National Express bus was stuck in traffic (she lived 1.5 hours away), there had been an accident, they weren’t moving and then they were etc. Except she was never on a bus she was at a party.

It’s not the only example of not being a good, honest friend and I hold her at arm’s length now.

I think something the perpetually late miss is that their lateness can be a big stress for the person waiting.

If the late person doesn't call/message I start to worry. Am I in the right place? (Cue frantic checking of arrangements). Is it the right day/time? (Cue more checking of arrangements) Have they had an accident? Have they had a better offer?

I'm often a tiny bit late. I'm not very good at organising myself. I can get to work on time because it's a set routine.

I know now how long it takes to get myself and the kids ready to leave the house, and I check travel times on Google maps, so I'm much better at arriving on time than I was. I still forget about things like I'll have to park and get from the car to the meeting place etc. But it's improving all the time.

I don't think my time is more valuable than other people's time, which is what is commonly said on here.

My husband is always late. Its because despite being proven wrong every day, he still thinks it takes half an hour to get himself and the kids ready to leave the house so fannys about until then.

Being late on the odd occasion is fine and unavoidable, but I just stop socialising or meeting up with persistently late people. Don't give a shit why they're doing it.

My friend takes fucking hours to get ready when all she has to do is shower and get dressed. 3 hours. Oh and she lives in the next street. Every single time we go anywhere. I HATE it.

Being late on the odd occasion is fine and unavoidable, but I just stop socialising or meeting up with persistently late people. Don't give a shit why they're doing it.

For me the people who are often late are the same people who cancel plans at the last minute or “forget” but this friend is otherwise reliable. She seems to need to have things organised for her to some degree eg if we go out she doesn’t think to book a table, I just do it. We’ve talked about going to concerts or for a spa day but unless I do everything it doesn’t happen. So I just don’t bother and it doesn’t happen.

This friend is also the same one I have previously posted about who came out for dinner with DH (maybe November last year) and neither of them had any money or cards to pay. I thought that was odd and she took a bit of time to pay (as we ended up paying for dinner).

But the bar must be low as otherwise I consider her to be a reliable friend. I enjoy spending time with her and I’m sort of learning to be aware of her quirks eg forgetfulness re money and propensity to be late

Certain people know that if they are more than 10/15 minutes late I won’t be there when they arrive, in more than one occasion I have left when I got fed up waiting. I hate lateness, I’ve never been late for anything & don’t understand how people can be so blasé about keeping others waiting.
I’m less tolerant the older I get. I left the hairdressers last month because they were 20 minutes late & still not ready for me.

Certain people know that if they are more than 10/15 minutes late I won’t be there when they arrive

I suppose this works in the long term but in the short term I’d have lost out if I did this today as she has to walk five mins to a restaurant not far from work but I had travelled into the city to meet her (short drive to train station and 25 min train journey)

Some people are just naturally like this. Bad time keepers. I hate being late I get almost panicked if I'm running late for whatever reason. My partner on the other hand is always late. He always says stuff like ohhh it will only take me ten minutes get ready or it's only 15 minutes away..... When it's doesn't and it's not.
He thinks he is always on time. I just have learnt to accept it.

I’ve dropped a friend recently because of this. She’s always late and finds it amusing “omg I was sat watching tv and then I was like shiiiit I’m gonna be late again!!!”

It always grated on me, but others in the group just laughed so I said nothing. Recently she asked for my help wit a specific thing so we were meeting up once a week in a cafe between our homes. Every fucking week she was late.

Then a couple of weeks ago she got pissy with me when she arrived 45 minutes late and I said I couldn’t stay long. Apparently I was being harsh as her dog wouldn’t settle before she left... to get there on time I’d seen 4 teens off to college/school/uni, dropped one at primary school, one at nursery and my youngest with my SIL (who was only babysitting so I could help Mrs Latearse!).

I told her to pay someone to help her instead as while I’m happy to help anyone I’m not happy to have someone blatantly take the piss. Funnily enough the only person defending her (she’s been whinging to everyone) is another perpetually late person.

Both my mother and my best friend are like this. I’ve got in the habit of telling them the meet up time is 30 mins earlier than it actually is, they still haven’t seemed to cotton on that I do it either. So if we need to meet for 3 for example, I’ll say I’ll meet you at 2.30 and it seems to work.

She once kept me waiting for 2.5 hours outside a tube station.

I wouldn't wait that long. I'd have been long gone.

Lyralala - you have 7 children and can be on time to help a friend? It just shows that it comes down to choosing to be organised and well mannered enough to be on time.

"Both my mother and my best friend are like this. I’ve got in the habit of telling them the meet up time is 30 mins earlier than it actually is, they still haven’t seemed to cotton on that I do it either. So if we need to meet for 3 for example, I’ll say I’ll meet you at 2.30 and it seems to work"
But why should you have to act like the parent. Surely they are not persistantly late for every appointment eg. Doctors, dentist, hairdresser, work? So it's just that they think you will put up with the rudeness.

It’s a fairly controlling way to behave.

@riojaandchoc technically I have 6 and a nephew who stays here atm, but yeah it’s definitely a choice.

Being late every now and again is fair enough, but being repeatedly late is absolutely a choice.

One of my DDs is a person who is naturally late, but she has manners so she uses alarms and always doubles her times for getting ready just in case.

I’ve dropped a friend recently because of this. She’s always late and finds it amusing “omg I was sat watching tv and then I was like shiiiit I’m gonna be late again!!

I do have a friend a bit like this and she is much worse than the friend I’m talking about. Tbh being 20 mins late and not even apologising is bad enough and kind of annoyed me when I realised she hadn’t even said sorry.

But I have another friend who can be half an hour late or more or just cancels. There’s always a reason. I don’t really make plans with just her any more. If it’s a group thing and she says she’s going to be half an hour late or whatever I don’t wait for her, we order food or whatever. She very often cancels plans and there is always something: she lost her phone, doesn’t have a car, needs to buy something, a friend really needs her, she’s stuck at work... She even failed to turn up to a work charity thing that she’d been sponsored to do because she couldn’t find the place (she chose to go to w bar and get drunk beforehand and there were lots of people she could have called) TBF I tell her straight she needs to get her act together and I stopped making plans with her for ages but somehow she’s determined to be my friend and there are three of us who make plans together now, which isn’t as bad as if the unreliable friend can’t make it or is late then we go without her.

XX

Not sure what the kisses are about 😬

People who are always late o hobo just underestimate how long it takes to get things done. I think they’re overly optimistic, rather than thinking their tone is more important than yours.

Agree with a PP, if you know they’re always late, why turn up so early? You’re making it harder on yourself lol

Auto correct soup there lol