AIBU to ask you to persuade me not to hand my notice in right now and to help me formulate a better, longer term escape plan instead?

[SaageGreen]

Because I'm struggling today and I feel like I want to just do it but suspect that I would regret it quite soon

rest your poor brain for a while and then regroup

Reading that felt very calming.

I'm in the middle of 17 days' worth of work and voluntary commitments without a day off. So that's got to be taking its toll too.

I've been in this situation before, in my case it was a bullying boss combined with having a really shit time in my personal life. I didn't want to go to the doctor either but one night I cried down the phone to my sister for an hour, and the next day she turned up and frogmarched me to the doctor. It's easy to say it's not important enough or it feels overly dramatic, but I guarantee people from the outside looking in will consider it bad enough to warrant getting help.

Been there and this is a time to go sick, not resign. Even if you never go back it will give you extra breathing space. Think of it as detaching from your work situation and focusing on yourself until you feel better and can make a rational decision. Get your doctor to confirm that you should only have minimal contact with them while off sick, no working from home or welfare visits.

Prevaricating over this and cleaning instead shows you need time to recover. Take it.

I had a moment like that at work (had been working school admin for a term - new job role with shit poorly defined role and lots of stuff dumped on the role by the other admins, coupled with poor management) and just couldn't face going in. Phoned in sick and called my GP and 2 hours later I started on antidepressants for the first time.

I think you should call your GP and ask to be referred to wellbeing, and don't refuse medication if it seems like it might help.

A low dose for under a year and a CBT course through the wellbeing service and I felt almost back to usual. I'm getting stressed again now (bereavements, study pressure, general stuff building) and I can see it coming and am trying to keep on top of it. But I needed the help back then.

I did leave the job - and went back to study - but I've left shortly after that 'had enough' moment more than once. Start looking for other opportunities now if this is ongoing, or hang on and see if getting help works for you. Don't struggle on regardless. Once you lose balance on things you need a hand to find it again.

I say this very gently but if you’ve trained in counselling, how would you currently counsel yourself if you were in a session? Self care is so very important and yet the hardest one to apply sometimes.

Can you go for a short walk to create a tiny space in your head and then call the surgery for an urgent appointment? (Yes it’s urgent)

Tell whoever you are volunteering for that you are struggling and are off sick, and will not be available for at least x. They will understand.

I feel you. I've retrained as a counsellor too and am putting off giving up my 'proper' job (which makes me miserable and I often have days like you're having right now) out of fear of change and failure so am hardly able to offer proper advice... but
Have you looked into starting counselling private practice and building client hours slowly so you can eventually move over? This is my plan. It makes me feel like I'm slowly escaping by planning/writing a website, researching private rooms to hire, joining FB groups where PP is working for lots of of people. This helps me.

I've known several people burn out. And I was a breaths hair away from it myself (the only reason I didn't is because I changed jobs).

So from that, my advice would be to get signed off by the Dr. I went to see my Dr after seeing the effect on my young DC of me crying from 3am to 8am every morning.

He explained that he could sign be off, start me on anti-depressants etc. but I wasn't ready. I felt it would be a failure. However, he told me his door was always open, no question, and I could come back whenever and he would help me. Just knowing I had that safety net was a great help.

Other did get signed off and from them and a previous situation I was in, I know that you need to be off for a long time. It takes at least 1-2 weeks to relax. I had insomnia and felt horrendous. But after 2 weeks I started to feel better. I needed the distance from work. 1 week just won't cut it.

Reading that felt very calming.

Good. ❤️ It’s what you need. You need to be as kind to yourself as you would to someone else feeling so sad and exhausted. I had a day like that once where I couldn’t stop crying and my DH literally tucked me up into bed. It’s exhausting.

You sound utterly worn out. If you can just muster up one more bit of strength to make a Doctor’s appointment (or can someone else do it for you?) I would go and have a rest.

Thank you lovely people.

I've been able to ground myself. I'm coming back to myself. It does feel "overly dramatic". I've emailed my lovely line manager that I'm taking the rest of the day off sick. I'm going to take a walk to get some head space, as PP suggested.

A coach once told me that burnout is often not a result of being overloaded with work. It's not because you can't cope with work. It's because either you don't feel your work is valued (eg by managers), or you don't feel your work is worth anything (i.e. you don't add any value to your company). And that feeling or worthlessness just overloads the stress and you burn out.

I can relate to that. I nearly burnt out on a dead easy project, where we had enough work for 1.5 people but there were 3 of us (I was the manager). But I didn't feel valued by my company. The project was pretty pointless. plus I was juggling 2 young DC, 1 of whom had health problems and work multiple times a night.

I have also found it so helpful to read about people getting through similar experience, thank you for sharing.

(I have cut two of my volunteer commitments, but gave a month's notice on both for May. I've also dropped out of a part time course that was due to start next September. So I did the right things, just not soon enough. And yes, I have some relationship problems too at the moment).

Been there! I handed my notice in with nothing to go to, but it was the biggest relief ever.
My mental health changed so quickly as I knew I only had to cope until the end of my notice period. In hindsight I should have got signed off for the notice period but as I was a teacher I didn't want to let pupils down.

I managed to get another job to start straight after notice period and have never been happier.

@SaageGreen it’s ok to be not ok.

What you’re feeling is awful, but you’re not alone and you will come out the other side. Be kind to yourself. You’re trying to do the mental equivalent of climbing a mountain with a broken leg.

When I was signed off sick with stress, my appointment consisted mainly of 8 minutes of me sobbing snottily at the GP while he passed me the tissues. He listened, asked what I wanted (time off work), gave me that and asked me to go back to check how I was doing. Was great (and usually I don’t rate him as he has a tendency to not listen and jump to conclusions/railroad).

I know I feel like I just want to never work again.

I'm sorry you feel this way love, I've been there and if you enjoyed the job before the culture changed then I'm sure like me you WILL love a workplace again! It just feels impossible from inside the situation.

I didn't get a doctor to sign me off because I didn't realise this was possible at the time, but I wish I could go back and do that because it really was affecting my mental health and knocked my confidence too.

I ended up planning my exit behind the scenes and setting up on my own - doing the planning while I bided my time kept me going as the job didn't feel so all consuming because it wasn't going to be my forever.

Is there any way you could freelance during the time you're living off savings to top it up while you find something new? You might love freelancing so much you decide to do that permanently! x

(((Hug)))

Don’t hand your notice in. There are better ways of going about this 🌷

Call your Drs, ask for a phone consultation. Do NOT be worried about sobbing down the phone. Hopefully you’ll get signed off over the phone, if not they’ll make you an emergency appointment. If you can’t walk there and can’t face driving/PT call a taxi.

Get signed off.

Bin ANY volunteering that doesn’t bring you a lot of pleasure. Right now, you need to look after YOURSELF.

Do you have a partner? Kids?

Do you have one friend you can talk to and cry all over. You might think you don’t, but I bet you do. People are kinder than you think x

If teaching is your ‘fall back’ you have options, but I don’t think today is really the time to think about them too much.

A walk sounds like the best idea. When you get back call the Drs. x

Sat out in the garden instead and slowed down and wrote out my thoughts. That was helpful, and I should take up journalling really. Feeling a lot better, if a bit thoughtful about what happened earlier.

Tried ringing the doctors, no answer. Pretty much what I expected and I don't want another reason/excuse to feel despondent, so I'll leave that idea for now.

Have decided that today is a day for taking things an hour at a time.

IncrediblySadToo A boyfriend, no kids.

Are you menopausal. Feeling like you are not coping, feeling anxious and depressed and can't see the wood for the trees, feeling desperate to just quit your job when you've always coped so well sounds exactly like me and I'm definitely menopausal. The way you are feeling could be causing it exacerbating your relationship problems.

I feel for you, I phoned in sick yesterday for the first time in 5 years, I'm going to get signed off until I either feel able to go back or hand my notice in.
Going into teaching isn't a good idea btw....

Weirdly, yes, Exploration2018. I'm a bit young at 39 years old, but I feel that I have been having symptoms for about half a year.

I feel like this about work, but not to the same degree, I can keep a lid on it. I am middle aged and it is just the realisation that most jobs are bullshit meaningless ones and that is going to be my lot. I work in the public sector and we are just pushing paper around, earning fairly decent money, not much call to use brain. It all seems pointless. Sometimes when the office is busy and we are all banging away on keyboards I think we are all bonkers, what the hell are we doing! Feel like screaming.

But I don't. I put on my headphones and basically wish my life away. I get huge amounts of flexibility, I WAH a lot, and that is the only thing that keeps me sane and not leaving. I could not cope with a 9-5, Mon/Fri job based at a workplace anymore and that is why I am stuck. If that happened I would also have to go to GP.

Sometimes I try and put myself in others shoes - long term unemployed, factory worker etc - and give my head a wobble. But it is not long before a quiet wave of despair flows over me and I feel the stress of it all again.

I think this feeling is common, and perhaps mid life exacerbates it. When you are younger you have something to strive for, when you are older realisation that you are in a cul de sac is soul destroying.

Sorry, to hijack, also having a bad time of it at the moment.

pgqio I'm sorry to hear that someone else is feeling the same. Did you go to work today? What did you do yesterday?