Interested in your opinion. My girlfriend and I are a bit at loggerheads at the moment and I’m so so confused as to if I’m being unreasonable or not, or even just how move forward really.
We are both females, late 30’s, six months into our relationship. Recently we’ve started to disagree on the fact that she is frequently asking me to repeat myself over and over and it’s starting to drive me nuts.
She says I should be more patient and it’s because she needs ‘reassuring a lot’ over certain things but I believe that if you’ve told someone (and an adult at that) something once, then that should suffice.
Here’s an example. We visited her parents this weekend. She kept asking if I liked them as she was “worried I would tell all my friends that I didn’t like them”. I said that first of all they were perfectly lovely and so no reason to do said thing and also, I’m not a mean person, so another reason not to say it. She said “are you sure?” I said yes. She said “but are you really sure you won’t?” And I said calmly “yes” again. This went on for a while longer and eventually I left the room to take deep breaths.
Later on we saw her dad play the drums in a band. He was great, the band were a bit strange to be honest but I didn’t care as I enjoyed it and liked him.
On the way home she said “are you going to tell all your friends that you had a rubbish time and you don’t like my dad?”. This time, I answered in quite an exasperated way that AGAIN, I’m NOT the sort of person to “tell all my friends” horrid things about her parents and actually I had a nice time and admired her dad. “Are you sure?”. “Yes”. “But I’m worried you’ll tell your friends.......”
At which point I interrupted her and said “look I just can’t keep repeating myself over and over like this. I’ve told you how it is, it’s making me feel crazy to have to keep repeating myself about things I’ve said once. That should be enough.” She got very very upset and said that she thinks I should accept that she needs a lot of reassurance about things and that I need to keep reassuring her no matter how many times I have to repeat myself. I told her it’s making me feel crazy having to repeat myself to her and I really could do without it. (I have a four year old and I work with dementia patients so I have to repeat myself all day long as it is.)
That was just one example of many many others that I could bore you with but I won’t so please don’t use that particular one as the whole picture as it isn’t. I was giving it as a general idea of the structure of how these discussions go. They happen so so often, it just now seems like endless repetitive questions that I’ve answered again and again and it’s really grinding me down.
Now ladies, I’m genuinely confused. Who the eff is being unreasonable and what can I do about it??