Teacher yanked DS

[bratzilla]

Picked DS up from the school office as he’s part of a small group getting extra help with phonics after school. I was the only parent in the office and stood less than 2m away from DS, he took a few steps and said “hello mu...” when she got him by the shoulders of his coat with both hands, pulled him back and said “don’t go until I say”. He was stood slightly in front of the other 5 so I approached him iyswim.

I don’t know if I’m being precious but I’m really annoyed about it.

How is this relevant? If they aren't getting paid does it increase their right to physically manhandle children?

Really? If someone was tutoring my kid for free I would not personally feel entitled to complain unless there was a substantial issue. For me, this would not be such.

How the hell do you know what the specifics are of whether or not this teacher was being paid?

Of course I am making assumptions and there are always exceptions. Teachers in the UK are not generally paid for work like this and if the school is publicly funded it's very unlikely they would be able to afford to these days.

I'm a teacher. I think it's unnecessarily controlling behaviour. He wasn't attempting to leave - he was moving forward to say hello to his Mum.

I tend to agree that if the mum was a bit concerned it probably was. I imagine the teacher probably agrees- it's pretty easy to slightly misjudge something like this. The point is that it's not a big deal (in and of itself) to use hands on shoulders to get the attention of a small child.

I don’t think it is ok at all.

In response to all those saying you can't criticise.

I'm not sure that's true.

Sometimes it's hard for posters to get across what they mean and sometimes I see people respond unkindly to 1 or 2 words and ignore the whole context of the thread.

Personally my judgement as to whether I see something as reasonable or not with a teachers actions is whether (if I'm completely honest) it's something I have done or would do in a circumstance.

I can honestly say I would pull ds back if I thought he was about to wander off and I had others around me to watch as well.
It's a reflex action.

So to me, in this case it's unlikely the teacher WBU.

But the context to how hard she pulled him back is something only the OP can answer.

I would have said something.

I don’t think Yabu at all OP.

I don’t care what’s going on in a teachers live, we all have issues with work, home, personal etc, if things go wrong, then learn from it, not excuse it.

Her action was unacceptable.

*life

it's no wonder teachers complain they're stressed really is it?
Look, teachers have to make sure that kids don't go until they have specifically told them they can. It's not about recognising you or about power, it's a simple safety rule that we teach children to follow so that they don't get into the habit of running off towards parents without telling anybody. A lot of problems are caused when this isn't enforced and kids just see their loved ones and dash off. Sounds like you're a bit aggrieved that she momentarily stopped him going off with you. Maybe you could try thanking her for the extra help instead?

Sounds like you're a bit aggrieved that she momentarily stopped him going off with you.

To me it sounds like she believes the teacher was too rough in handling her child.

@bratzilla
I just don’t accept people saying he wasn’t yanked when he was.

Then why didn't you say that in your OP? What you said was: "she got him by the shoulders of his coat with both hands, pulled him back and said “don’t go until I say”

That is NOT yanking. You are changing and embellishing your story because people aren't agreeing with you. Which makes it seem even more like this was a non-issue that you have thought about later and decided was more than it was. As you argued before, we weren't there. If you think he was yanked unjustifiably, then by all means complain, no need to argue with us.

I really dont understand why you wouldn't have responded straight away if your child was yanked by his coat really hard by an adult. I think this has grown arms and legs in your head.

Do you believe you did nothing while your child was dragged by any adult? It can't have been that bad at the time.

What does your son say?

@FryTime The word yanked is in the title. A yank is a sudden hard pull. OP said 'she got him by the shoulders of his coat with both hands, pulled him back' so depending on the force of the pull it could have easily been a yank. None of us were there so maybe it's best to take the OP's word for it?

@MyYe
None of us were there so maybe it's best to take the OP's word for it?

Because posters never exaggerate...? Why is she asking for our opinions then after the fact? Because any Mother who has just seen her child "yanked" by anyone is not going to stand silent no matter who else was / wasn't there and would know she wasn't being "precious". But she didn't say anything but then comes on to the internet later to ask us our opinion and then challenge it when it doesn't go her way.

And if the child was indeed "yanked" and the Mother stood there and let it go unchallenged, I'd have more problems with her behaviour than the teacher's.

Not rtft but if you decide to complain and the headteacher follows it through the teacher could go through months of an agonising disciplinary process and get sacked, do you really need to take it that far?

I don't blame the OP for challenging people who are denying her version of events because well, they weren't there. My response was mostly due to the fact that you went on a bit of a tirade accusing the OP 'changing and embellishing your story because people aren't agreeing with [her]' which you'd know isn't true if you'd bothered to read what has actually been posted before rushing to put the boot in.

Like I said above, I personally would have said something at the time. But not everyone is great with confrontation and it's normal for people to think about what they could or should have done after the fact. Which is most probably why she is posting.

And if the child was indeed "yanked" and the Mother stood there and let it go unchallenged, I'd have more problems with her behaviour than the teacher's.

Also, you'd really have more of a problem with someone who was maybe not confident enough to call out harmful behaviour than the perpetrator of said harmful behaviour? I know you're desperate to stick the boot in and ensure that the OP knows that you think she's unreasonable but you sound ridiculous.

How ludicrous. Please do not complain. Maybe tell ds in future that he doesn't leave the teacher's presence without permission. I am a teacher btw.

Also, you'd really have more of a problem with someone who was maybe not confident enough to call out harmful behaviour than the perpetrator of said harmful behaviour? I know you're desperate to stick the boot in and ensure that the OP knows that you think she's unreasonable but you sound ridiculous.

Oh give over. I did real the full thread and the OP's story changed just a bit as she went along, seeming more sure the child was yanked (title) rather than pulled (explanation in the OP). That is annoying and very typical of people who post in AIBU and then start to change their story when people disagree with them.

And yes, for the record I would have a problem with a mother who wouldn't call out a teacher for yanking their child. Confident or not, it's instinct to protect your young child. We are not talking about DV behind closed doors with a violent partner or husband where the OP could have made the matter worse, and I would totally understand keeping silent in those circumstances, but we are talking about a teacher at school!!

The OP posted in AIBU. In my opinion she was being unreasonable. I explained why I thought so. [shrug]

Oh give over. I did real the full thread and the OP's story changed just a bit as she went along, seeming more sure the child was yanked (title) rather than pulled (explanation in the OP).

1. A yank is a sudden, hard pull.
2. You said You are changing and embellishing your story because people aren't agreeing with you. Which is complete bullshit because she used yank in the title and pull in the OP. Before anyone had commented.

And yes, for the record I would have a problem with a mother who wouldn't call out a teacher for yanking their child. Confident or not, it's instinct to protect your young child.

That's fair enough. But you said you'd have more of a problem with the mother than with the teacher who yanked a young child. Which is ridiculous. The fact that you've preemptively bought DV up shows that you know you're close to victim blaming territory. You're clearly not going to let reason get in the way of having a good bash at the OP though so I think I'll call it a day.

@MyYe you're very invested in the op being right here. Were you there?

OP... It's not too late to say something. I certainly would and the teacher being paid or not is irrelevant to the matter at hand.

Teachers are paid for a number if working hours. It sounded like this was within those hours.

At least if you raise it as a issue, she won't do it again.

As far as safety...he wasn't running into a busy road was he. She could have just said... Tommy...please stop there. Or you're not allowed out until I say so.

I have no qualms if I'm acting in the interests of my child. Just recently my DD said she remembers years ago when a TA called her saud something about knocking sense into her and I went to complain to the HT.

My DC know I will always stand up for them if a teacher tries any nonsense.

In general I find it's very British to not complain when it's justified.

Maybe you could try thanking her for the extra help instead?

She was doing her job. She's not a saint or a martyr FFS.

It doesn't entitle her to be physical unless the child was in danger. He wasn't

I sat on a disciplinary hearing where a teacher pulled a pupil like this.

Teachers are not paid for a certain number of hours. Directed time (1265 hours) is just the hours we can be told what to do and where to do it. We are (of course) expected to do additional hours to fulfil our professional duties.

Plus it is completely irrelevant. I don't think this by itself would bother me enough to be actually concerned, but I might wonder a bit about the relationship between the teacher and the children.

@MyYE
The fact that you've preemptively bought DV up shows that you know you're close to victim blaming territory.

Don't you dare. I've been polite to you so far, happy to discuss points of view, but don't you bloody dare say I was "close to victim blaming territory". I wasn't suggesting anything of the sort in anyway, shape or form, in fact QUITE the opposite. Don't you bloody even dare insinuate that!!!

And you have the nerve to tell me to read the thread properly!

When I said paid for a certain number of hours, I mean a teacher's contract is based on being paid for X hours per week. So in that sense they are paid for a specific number of hours.

Teaching is not the only role where in reality you're expected to do more than your contractual hours in order to do the job.

The teachers' pay and conditions document does not specify hours to be worked. It specifies a maximum number of hours directed. It does not specify (and in fact makes it clear that headteachers are not allowed to specify) the total hours required to fulfil our professional duties.