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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No birthday present for dd

76 replies

Fazackerley · 13/05/2019 18:50

From my dsis. She's having a rough time at the moment and is apparently very broke, but she texted dd to say she would buy her something the week after her birthday when she got paid. That was two weeks ago and nothing. I'm not sure i can ask her. Dd has said actually I'm a bit hurt that Aunty Faz didn't get me a present. I said i know, i get it but she's a bit all over the place atm. AIBU to be a bit pissed off? Even a card would have been nice!

OP posts:

Princessfaffalot · 13/05/2019 18:52

YABVU not to mention grabby. And you’re raising a child to expect presents? Good luck with that, she’s going to grow into a spoilt brat. You know your sister is having a hard time yet you’re only concerned that she didn’t get your kid a gift? Geez...who needs enemies with family like you!

multiplemum3 · 13/05/2019 18:52

If someone's 'broke' then yes you're being unreasonable.

gamerchick · 13/05/2019 18:52

Really if she's that broke you should have told her not to bother.

Original poster

Fazackerley · 13/05/2019 18:53

Fab post there princess full of nuance.

Ok, thanks, I'll just leave it at that then.

OP posts:

Stevienickssleeves · 13/05/2019 18:54

You are being unreasonable. It is your job to help your daughter understand that it doesn't mean her auntie doesn't love her.

LordNibbler · 13/05/2019 18:54

You say your sister is going through a difficult time, and is very broke and yet all you can think about is the lack of present and card? Get a grip and stop being so selfish. The poor woman is having enough of a hard time without you adding to it.

OutInTheCountry · 13/05/2019 18:55

Not even getting her a card is quite shit, as is not delivering on her promise. If she was struggling for whatever reason I'd probably offer to order or pick something up on her behalf and sort it out later. Could you still offer to do that? You shouldn't have to but it could be a way of stopping your daughter being upset and reminding your DSIS of what she promised without it being confrontational?

HairycakeLinehan · 13/05/2019 18:55

YABVU.
I’d be horrified if my DD cared so much about gifts when a relative is struggling (or at all tbh!) Jeez

LaraLily90 · 13/05/2019 18:55

She should’ve bought a card!

Icandothisallday · 13/05/2019 18:55

How old is your child?

She needs to understand what broke means. Ita a good time to tell her.

If my brother told me he was broke. No way would I still expect a gift. I would either tell him it's no problem and explain to my child. Or give the child a small gift that I had bought and said 'this is from uncle Bob's (not my brothers real name )

miaCara · 13/05/2019 18:56

I will never forget the time that I was asked for a present for a niece when we didnt have any money left once xmas. The parents knew our circumstances but still asked where her present was in front of the rest of the family. I quickly had to put some money in a card to save face.

That was the last present I gave to anyone in that part of the family.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 13/05/2019 18:57

Another precious parent raising an entitled child

Topseyt · 13/05/2019 18:57

How old is your DD?

She shouldn't be expecting presents from people really. If she is old enough then she needs to understand that sometimes people fall on hard times and that what your sister has gone through can happen.

My sister and I don't buy things for each other's children. Never have as we don't live near to each other. It would be normal in this house.

adaline · 13/05/2019 18:58

Your sister is going through a hard time, and this is all you can worry about!?

mimibunz · 13/05/2019 18:58

A card? Only the British love cards so much. Lol.

nauseous5000 · 13/05/2019 18:59

Seriously? I think if Kidsnet existed the posts there would be more grown up than they are here tonight!

A present does not mean love! I would've been disappointed in my DD for saying she's disappointed not to get a present. And I'm horrified that you think your DD is more important than sister's hard time?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/05/2019 18:59

A card would have been nice. However as someone who is going through the worst time, I’m lucky I remember to wash in the mornings let alone buy birthday cards

Gustavo1 · 13/05/2019 18:59

I don’t think it’s grabby. Your DD was told something was coming. It’s ok for her then to expect something and be disappointed that it doesn’t come.
My DB does this. He forgot Easter eggs when he visited this year. No biggie really, the kids had loads, but he made a point of saying he would pop them in the next day and telling the kids what they had (buttons/mini egg etc). He didnt turn up. Still hasn’t. The boys were disappointed. Not because they’re grabby or spoiled but because they were told to expect something that didn’t materialise.

PineappleTart · 13/05/2019 19:01

Your sister is having a shit time. In your place I'd have bought a little something on her behalf. Kindness goes a long way

janetforpresident · 13/05/2019 19:01

Op I think people are being harsh given your sister promised your dd. However if she has a phone she's not a small child so equally it would be fine to explain the situation to your dd. She shouldn't be expecting a present but as your sister has told her she is go8ng to receive one I can understand why she is disappointed. A simple conversation to explain that aunty say she would get a present but actually can't now and it's not the end of the world etc would surely suffice.

Henrysmycat · 13/05/2019 19:01

Echoing everyone else. You are being unreasonable and selfish. And you’re raising a kid thinking the same.
Unless, there’s a backstory, you should have helped your sister instead of expecting.

Tinyteatime · 13/05/2019 19:02

I think YABU. You don’t expect presents. Children shouldn’t even notice whether aunty whatsit gets them a gift or not. Personally if I knew my sibling was broke but wanted to get a gift for my child and was hurt not to be able to do so I would just buy something for them to give her. My kids don’t always get presents from my siblings, I’ve never given it a second thought.

NoSauce · 13/05/2019 19:02

What sort of rough time OP?

Homeless, no job, mental health issues - then yabu

Had a bad cold and new boyfriend dumped her yanbu.

So it depends doesn’t it? Even so you shouldn’t really be telling DD it’s ok to expect something of her aunt.

NewSchoolNewName · 13/05/2019 19:03

If she can’t afford a present right now then she can’t afford one, and it’d be unreasonable to expect one under those circumstances.

But I’d be a bit pissed off about her texting DD and making a promise to DD about a present, when she presumably knew she might not be able to keep it. That would be the bit that annoyed me.

firstimemamma · 13/05/2019 19:04

No present I can understand in difficult circumstances but card factory sell cards for 29p.

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