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Original poster

Should i sever ties?

62 replies

Sparkydad88 · 13/05/2019 17:43

Hi Everyone.

My stepdaughter will be 15 in a couple of weeks and i have been her step-dad since she was 7.

We are constantly falling out about stuff and over the last 12 months or so other than for money or a lift we don’t really communicate in any meaningful kind of way.

Our latest fall out was because both me and mum are on her snapchat and i must have accidentally screenshotted a picture of her with her friend she had posted onto her story and she basically wouldn’t accept that i had no knowledge of this and it had been accidental. She accused me of purposely collecting pictures of her and said i was weird before deleting me from her snapchat.

Now as a man and as a father this really has cut deep and has kind of crossed a line for me that makes me uncomfortable living under the same roof. If she believes that is the kind of person i am then what am i doing here. It’s the worst thing in the world in my opinion.

I overheard mum harassing her to say sorry a few times during the course of yesterday and a did get a quick sorry text that was only sent to appease her mum. I tried to explain to her in my reply back how hurtful and simply untrue her accusations had been and i said that to feel the need remove me from her social media she really must believe that i’m some kind of weirdo to which she didn’t deny she just said ‘ok’. I asked if she’d feel more comfortable if I wasn’t around anymore and she just said she wasn’t really bothered.

I’m now struggling to stop myself from packing my bags, but of course this punishes my wife and my young son who have done nothing wrong. Do you think the answer is to sever my relationship totally with my stepdaughter and have nothing to do with her. There is no getting through to her.... she is right and i am wrong in her mind and she’ll keep up that belief for a very long time (stubborn like her mum). We’re due to move house soon and i’m now thinking of not going with them as i can’t stand the dynamics anymore.

I’m in a real pickle here and don’t know how to handle this...... any help?

OP posts:
nauseous5000 · 13/05/2019 17:46

Are you being serious? She's a child acting childishly. Your wife is behaving appropriately and bringing her back into line when she crosses one, which is normal for kids her age. You can't seriously be thinking about ending a marriage over a couple of incidents that your wife has resolved as soon as they occurred?

StrippingTheVelvet · 13/05/2019 17:49

She's 14! And behaving like a 14 year old! Catch yourself on.

IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 17:49

Why are you on her Snapchat??

And sorry, but it’s hard to “accidentally” screenshot a post. I’m not buying it. I don’t blame her for not buying it.

You want to leave your wife and cut off a 15 year old because she’s stroppy and doesn’t want her mother’s husband screenshotting her photos??

iklboo · 13/05/2019 17:51

She's 14. They strop all the time. It sounds like you're looking for an easy out.

Chocmallows · 13/05/2019 17:51

Presumably your wife and you chose the new house together?

Focus on your wife and son, they are not unfairly judging you. Why should you three lose out.

Give her space and remember she may leave in a few years anyhow.

coffee675 · 13/05/2019 17:53

Yeah, I think you need to drop this. She's a teenager, acting pretty normally - for her age. You won't get through to her and I feel your expectation of her acting like an adult makes you seem a bit childish...

Draw some boundaries both ways - don't be overly involved in her teenage life (ie get off her social media) and act like an adult not a friend who needs her approval.

TixieLix · 13/05/2019 17:55

How do you 'accidentally' screenshot something and not even be aware you've done it? I'm speaking as an iPhone user as I have to press two different buttons simultaneously to do a screen grab. Maybe other phones are simpler?

kbPOW · 13/05/2019 17:57

I think you need to be looking a little closer to home for the problem.

Duchessgummybuns · 13/05/2019 17:58

And on snapchat you have to be pretty damn quick about screenshotting...

HBStowe · 13/05/2019 18:00

You need to be an adult here and stop taking a teenage strop to heart. No teenager wants a parent figure on their social media. She’s just doubling down because she’s defensive.

Let it go! She is a maelstrom of hormones and stress at the moment. Your wife has effectively dealt with it by making her apologise. Now you just need to give it time.

KC225 · 13/05/2019 18:02

Are you sure you are not using your stepdaughter as a 'get out' card? You would seriously leave your wife and young child over a petulant teenager.

A teenager thinking the adults in her life are weirdos - sounds pretty standard stuff to me. Many people complain about kids just wanting lifts or money - how is she with you young son? She may have hurt your feelings but I think you are taking it too personally. You are giving het way too.much power. If her Snapchat needs to be monitored then her mum can do it. Teenager chat is beyond dull - it will be a relief to be cut that one off. Her mother was right to make her apologise and you have let her know your feelings - in the words of Elsa - let it go.

If you want to leave - leave for your own reasons but don't hide behind a sulky teenager.

IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 18:02

How do you 'accidentally' screenshot something and not even be aware you've done it?

Simply put: you don’t. I use social media for my job. And you just don’t.

Something isn’t adding up here...

OutInTheCountry · 13/05/2019 18:07

To say you're thinking of leaving your wife and child because of this sounds really odd to me - or are you worried that she might make a more serious allegation about you?

Dyrne · 13/05/2019 18:14

In fairness to the OP, I have an iPhone and I accidentally screenshot stuff all the time - I have reams and reams of random screenshots (usually of my home screen!) on my camera roll which I have to go through every so often and delete. It happens when I try to lock my phone - I think my hand placement means I end up with fingers on the volume button as well which creates the screenshot.

Not used snapchat though so I don’t know how quick the photos flash up to have time to screenshot it this way.

FizzyGreenWater · 13/05/2019 18:14

I know nothing about snapchat but I do know that I am forever accidentally screenshotting things on my phone Hmm

Seriously. Photos of my phone home screen, photos of the website I'm looking at (including here), photos of whatsapps etc.Drives me mad.

You look at the snapchat thread on a phone, yes? Absolutely you could accidentally screenshot a photo surely?!

Original poster
Sparkydad88 · 13/05/2019 18:17

Just to be clear my i usually have a few random screenshots of my home screen a week as my phone screenshots using the side buttons and i have a big clunky case on. Also my son (age 3) can also be at times messing with my phone. I did view her story as i usually would but definitely did not purposely take a screenshot of it.
I’ve never saved any of her pictures before and had no reason to so why would i now with this one. I’m fully aware of what having a stroppy teenager is like and she had us on social media (mum, me, grandad too even on some of them) by choice.
What I don’t like is the insinuation that i’m an unsafe adult! I’m a Dad so of course that makes my bones shudder!!

OP posts:
oneforthepain · 13/05/2019 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 13/05/2019 18:19

I’m not sure what you’re asking. You seem to be suggesting ‘severing all ties’ with your stepdaughter as an alternative to leaving your wife. Do you really think it’s possible to do one without the other?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 13/05/2019 18:20

You could screenshot it. But you'd have to be bloody fast to do it since it pops up for such a short time. If it's an iPhone you'd also have to press two buttons simultaneously and that's not an easy thing to do by accident.

As others have said, she's 14 and behaving accordingly. Pull her up on the "big" stuff, but the whole deleting you off social media and you having a go about it and feeling miffed makes you also sound like you're 14. Grow up a little and work out that she needs privacy. Either respect that or accept that your life will be filled with stress and upset as she begins to pull away from the family.

negomi90 · 13/05/2019 18:21

Completely normal teenage behaviour handled appropriately by your wife.
You got an apology she learned that mum won't tolerate that behaviour. Don't be grumpy that the apology was forced, you can tell people how to act not think. By sulking at her you're dropping to her level.
Also I don't know many teenagers who wouldn't be fuming with what you did (accident or not). Or who would let their step father have access to their social media. Not your role (let her parents deal with that).
If she's being forced polite and not actively rude then let it go.

Shootingstar1115 · 13/05/2019 18:21

I have an iPhone and have accidentally screen shot a few things! I am not on snapchat so don’t know how it works but it happens!

I don’t think you should leave your wife over your stepdaughter! Unless you’re generally unhappy with your marriage anyway?

14 is a difficult age, really difficult and relationships can be a struggle between step parents and step children as well as parents and children.

I was 8 when my stepdad and mum got together. We had a really difficult time during my teen years. I admit I was probably stubborn at times but he wasn’t perfect either and would nit pick at things and cause arguments. Things have got better in my adult years. I wouldn’t say we are close but we are definitely in good terms.

IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 18:23

Well I have never known anybody to accidentally screenshot on Snapchat. Literally nobody ever.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 13/05/2019 18:24

As for the dramatic "should I sever ties" title, how do you plan to do that? Are you going to leave your DW and son because you overstepped a boundary she felt she needed? Are you going to live in the same house as her and pretend she doesn't exist? Are you going to push for her to live elsewhere? Severing ties is for adults who do terrible things or cause distress. What distress has she caused you other than having a 14 year old tantrum (which, coincidentally is exactly what you're doing on here - how is this any different except for you venting on here and her doing it in real life)?

OKBobble · 13/05/2019 18:24

Who did you send her picture to and why? I get that the actual screenshot may be accidental but forwarding it to someone wasn't.

Awrite · 13/05/2019 18:25

Bloody hell - what a self centered and whiny post.

Don't blame your step daughter for your wanting out.

I'm genuinely shocked at your take on this.