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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should i sever ties?

62 replies

Sparkydad88 · 13/05/2019 17:43

Hi Everyone.

My stepdaughter will be 15 in a couple of weeks and i have been her step-dad since she was 7.

We are constantly falling out about stuff and over the last 12 months or so other than for money or a lift we don’t really communicate in any meaningful kind of way.

Our latest fall out was because both me and mum are on her snapchat and i must have accidentally screenshotted a picture of her with her friend she had posted onto her story and she basically wouldn’t accept that i had no knowledge of this and it had been accidental. She accused me of purposely collecting pictures of her and said i was weird before deleting me from her snapchat.

Now as a man and as a father this really has cut deep and has kind of crossed a line for me that makes me uncomfortable living under the same roof. If she believes that is the kind of person i am then what am i doing here. It’s the worst thing in the world in my opinion.

I overheard mum harassing her to say sorry a few times during the course of yesterday and a did get a quick sorry text that was only sent to appease her mum. I tried to explain to her in my reply back how hurtful and simply untrue her accusations had been and i said that to feel the need remove me from her social media she really must believe that i’m some kind of weirdo to which she didn’t deny she just said ‘ok’. I asked if she’d feel more comfortable if I wasn’t around anymore and she just said she wasn’t really bothered.

I’m now struggling to stop myself from packing my bags, but of course this punishes my wife and my young son who have done nothing wrong. Do you think the answer is to sever my relationship totally with my stepdaughter and have nothing to do with her. There is no getting through to her.... she is right and i am wrong in her mind and she’ll keep up that belief for a very long time (stubborn like her mum). We’re due to move house soon and i’m now thinking of not going with them as i can’t stand the dynamics anymore.

I’m in a real pickle here and don’t know how to handle this...... any help?

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 18:26

OK, when someone screenshots one of your snaps you get a notification.

ghostyslovesheets · 13/05/2019 18:30

I think you need to remember that she is a CHILD and you are supposedly an ADULT

I walked in on my 14 year old in the bath the other day and she lost her rag and called me a paedo FFS - it's what cross hormonal tired little sods of kids do - because they are kids!

stomping off, packing a bag and sulking is not what adults do though - stop being a big man child

oh and also I don't think you CAN screen shot accidently

Original poster
Sparkydad88 · 13/05/2019 18:31

I didn’t send any pictures to anyone. She was just notified by snapchat that it had been screenshot by me and I didn’t.... it was a random photo that meant nothing to me!

I just don’t like her thinking or saying i had some sinister purpose for doing it. Look at the times we live in and ask yourself as a make adult would you like your own daughter (being step daughter is irrelevant) having those thoughts.

I don’t have any problems with my wife or son and certainly aren’t looking for a way out. I would just like to be trusted by my own family in my own house!

OP posts:
Thindragon · 13/05/2019 18:33

I would cool your jets. it's not about you, it's her being a teenager. She 'insinuates' stuff because it's the best way to press your buttons.

Isaididont · 13/05/2019 18:38

Several people have said they they have screenshot accidentally.
I’ve done it myself many times.
But of course, because some people have never done it, they believe it’s not possible - and shower the OP in contempt, judgment and disbelief. This is why I would never post a problem myself on mumsnet. I’d sooner put it on Twitter.
The OP is shocked at the false accusations. Maybe - just maybe - he’s not used to teenagers. Maybe people with more experience can give him some helpful advice. But no, let’s all gather round and eagerly tell him how shit he is. Because that’s what munsnet seems to excel at. Hmm

IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 18:41

People have said they accidentally screenshot. And then every one of them said “but not on Snapchat.”

nauseous5000 · 13/05/2019 18:41

I don't think most people think OP is shit because of the accidental screenshot! It's the severing ties based on normal teen behaviour that is getting people's backs up and no I don't believe teen has behaved well but she's acting her age! Stepdad is being well over sensitive to it all!

MallySally · 13/05/2019 18:44

Since I got my new phone, I accidentally screenshot ALL the time even when it's locked. It's a proper pain in the neck and I have to go through my photos deleting a load of random grabs. It's the position of the buttons and very easily done if you have a newer Samsung.

kbPOW · 13/05/2019 18:45

You don't screenshot on snapchat, you download. It's nothing to do with the swiping bollocks. So no wonder you can't make this stick.

QuizzlyBear · 13/05/2019 18:48

Sorry but you obviously don't have a lot of experience with teenagers! This is absolutely par for the course. She doesn't think you're a pervert (though she probably thinks EVERYONE over 25 is weird) she just thinks you and every other authority figure is both boring and annoying.

I have a 14 year old DS and he is an UTTER ARSEHOLE right now. I don't plan on leaving the family over it though as that would be a bit of an overreaction.

For perspective, my DF and I had an awful time during my teen years. I didn't speak to him in any way for about 18 months. Just completely blanked him, if he walked into a room, I'd leave. I actually can't remember why now.

We got through it and had an amazing relationship from about age 17 onwards. Hang in there... Wine

Fairenuff · 13/05/2019 18:51

I don’t have any problems with my wife or son and certainly aren’t looking for a way out. I would just like to be trusted by my own family in my own house!

So your way of achieving this is to throw your toys out of the pram until everyone does what you want?

Danni91 · 13/05/2019 18:52

You are being dramatic
She is being dramatic

No point breaking up a whole family because teenagers are dramatic

I get its also not nice to hear the things she is saying

But let's not forget accident (or not) it was screen shotted and shes every right to feel a bit 'wtf?'

And you have every right to feel 'woah hold up a sec...'

If she can't accept your explanation its because she is A teenager

You need to understand this because there's another 6 years to go yet

Let her be silly but don't be childish back and ruin a whole family

For both your reactions its probably best she deleted you to be honest, now it can never happen again.

Sorted

IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 18:55

Aside from the “accidental” screenshot, your reaction to this is weird.

Why are you immediately assuming that she is accusing you of something sexual (which is what you’re implying)?

She could be saying you’re collecting photos because you’re a control freak.

But your reaction is to think you’re being called a creep and to move out and sever ties.

Again, this is odd.

MallySally · 13/05/2019 19:02

you don't screenshot on snapchat, you download

No. You fan definitely screenshot on Snapchat, and it notifies the other person that you have done so.

IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 19:03

Yeah, you screenshot on Snapchat.

Just not accidentally and without knowing...

Ullupullu · 13/05/2019 19:11

You want to move out and leave your own 3 year old son because a teenager pushed your buttons? What?

Original poster
Sparkydad88 · 13/05/2019 19:25

Ivanapee You’re very hostile!

You can accidentally screenshot anything at anytime.... giving that this was a story without time limit and not a snap which may only last a few seconds.

Next my reaction is one of a man who lives in a world where everyone is telling us we are surrounded by perverts and people who have ill intentions.... we drive that message into our own kids...so yes it makes me cringe to think that my daughter could tell her friends and so on and so and before you know where we are you have keyboard warriors such as yourself who are so self righteous and just ‘know’ what their talking about all the time jumping to conclusions.

I came on here for advice because as an earlier comment rightly said, i am shocked and saddened how something so trivial becomes such a sinister wrong doing.

For all the people with more helpful advice.... i would like to thank you. I realise my over-reaction with the ‘wanting to leave’ and appreciate i cannot ignore my stepdaughter. I will however back way off and keep her at arms length if it will help.

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 19:33

Next my reaction is one of a man who lives in a world where everyone is telling us we are surrounded by perverts and people who have ill intentions.... we drive that message into our own kids...so yes it makes me cringe to think that my daughter could tell her friends and so on and so and before you know where we are you have keyboard warriors such as yourself who are so self righteous and just ‘know’ what their talking about all the time jumping to conclusions.

This might as well be “since the me too movement, it’s not even safe to talk to women”.

But whatever. I actually do know what I’m talking about regarding screenshots on Snapchat.

That’s an awful lot of protestation right there. 🤷‍♀️

MallySally · 13/05/2019 19:33

I've accidentally screenshot on Snapchat many times.

IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 19:34

Well then you must have some phone, Mally!

youarenotkiddingme · 13/05/2019 19:38

I'm forever accidentally screenshoting things.

I wish I knew how indie it and how to stop! It's usually as I'm trying to click the close down to lock screen.

I actually think it's great you care so much about whether your SD feels safe around you.

But you really do need to understand teen girls give better drama performances than Oscar winners!

Mummadeeze · 13/05/2019 20:04

I believe you screen shotted by accident, easily done. Ignore people who are disbelieving you for no reason. But I also think you are being over sensitive and a bit childish in your reaction to her calling you a weirdo. Teenagers say stuff like this all the time. I overheard a conversation the other day between some teenagers where one said that her older sister hates men and the next thing you know the other one is telling someone on the phone that her friend’s sister is a lesbian. It was a ridiculous immature conversation but teenagers are extreme and thoughtless and volatile a lot of the time. You need to just brush off her comments and move on and not take it to heart.

MallySally · 13/05/2019 21:28

Why must I have "some phone" to accidentally screenshot?

As I said up the thread, it's very very easily done on the newer model Samsungs.

Greatbigterribleshart · 13/05/2019 21:45

Next my reaction is one of a man who lives in a world where everyone is telling us we are surrounded by perverts and people who have ill intentions.... we drive that message into our own kids

You've just explained the reasoning behind her reaction yourself.

Chasingdandelions · 14/05/2019 14:21

I accidently screenshot all the time. My standby and down volume button are right next to each other so when I go to close my phone it always screenshots because I have fat fingers Grin