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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

First Mother’s Day.. bf thinks it’s stil about his mom ?

65 replies

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:11

I just gave birth a month ago and had anterible labor and the recovery process for me has been hell:.

Anyway I’ve just been a mess and don’t even have the energy to have ppl over.

My bf asked if I was doing anything w my mom for mother’s Day & I said no bc she wanted the day off to sleep and she lives an hour away. He said he wants to get lunch with his mom
(She also lives far like 45 min ) and I said okay whatever . Then yesterday he said maybe his mom and sister can come over & we can have takeout . His mom hasn’t visited the baby once
Since the hospital bc she said she was sick. She also was rlly rude to me in the hospital after I had a horrible labor and almost lost
My baby. had tons of
Complications I have ptsd from the experience.
She barely acknowledged me and said my bf must be so tired, asked why he hadn’t held her yet when she came In the room
Immediately after the birth when they just put the baby on me and hasn’t even done apgar scores. She Brought Clothes that say “I love daddy “ on them, took my baby and took family pics with her while I sat on the bed discluded. No one asked to take pics of me, or of me and my baby, or with me. It was extremely upsetting and ducked up tbh. Literally took my baby for family pics without her mom who just gave birth to her. Then didn’t say bye to me.

No I don’t want her coming the first time since the hospital and the day she wants to
Come Is my first Mother’s Day? like she wants my boyfriend to
Take her out to brunch then come over and play with my baby.I jusf flipped and said it’s not grandmas day she’s not coming over to play with the baby on my first Mother’s Day and making it about her. Ans he said okay fine I’ll jusr take her to lunch and she can come in after for five minutes. I said no becaus at this point I was just angry . And tbh I don’t see why on my first Mother’s Day he even has to take his mom out. I know that sounds selfish but I’m a new mom and he can’t celebrafe with her another day,l.. like he has to take her out and give her time with the baby on my baby and mom
Day when she hasn’t vistited all month.

I told my bf I don’t lnkw why she even expects you to take her out on my first Mother’s day and he ruined the day for me.he woke up at 1 pm and I’ve been
Doing everything as usual, then I asked when’s ur mom
Coming and he said I told her not
To
Come. It’s 3pm now and he hasn’t even said anything to me like happy
Mother’s Day. I said you Ruined my day so you might
As well gonspend it with ur mom

Am I overreacting. I’m just disappointed & it aucjs this is my family..

OP posts:

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:14

And he also
Said it will break his moms heart if I don’t let her see the baby after they have brunch. Only Reasson I said no was because she needs to learn boundaries and that it’s my mom and baby day not hers. She hasn’t tried to visit the baby once since the hospital

OP posts:

malificent7 · 12/05/2019 20:15

Sounds like a tough time for you op....its a very emotive day if you find it tough or if you have strained relations with your mil.

malificent7 · 12/05/2019 20:16

It would be nice if you could celebrate the next one all together. Off his mum hasn't yet visited. Very odd.

CrazyCatNerd · 12/05/2019 20:18

He sounds like an idiot, but it's just a day.

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:19

She said she was sick the day she was gonna come to “help out” it’s been a month and she all the sudden wants to come play with the baby on my first Mother’s Day..

OP posts:

redhotchill · 12/05/2019 20:21

I think you're overreacting a bit. But it sounds like you've had an ordeal.

The fact he got up at 1pm is the biggest issue here. Absolutely no issue with her getting I love Daddy clothes.

Bobcut · 12/05/2019 20:22

I don’t understand why he doesn’t comprehend it’s about you now, especially this year. He should be asking you what you want to do for Mother’s Day HOWEVER maybe his annoying mother isn’t letting go and making it about herself.
I hear you on the photos and poor him he must be tired, mine was the same I also got pnd, don’t let her encourage you to have it.... it’s disgusting, I also felt like silly cow could have taken pics of me and baby, and mine also ran into the delivery room like give me some space!!!!

Whereistheglove · 12/05/2019 20:25

It’s still his mother.
It’s just another day.

redhotchill · 12/05/2019 20:25

Got to disagree with the pp who said it's about you now. It's about you AND his mum. But the lazy imbecile should not be in bed at 1pm!

Mintandthyme · 12/05/2019 20:27

I’m sorry but how long more are you going to stay with this horrible abusive man.

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:28

That’s what I thought. And I was like I’m not close to your mom and I don’t reallt want her coming here on my first Mother’s day, Not day anything to me, play with my baby and make the day about her. She’s had 26 Mother’s day this is my first one. She shouldn’t even expect you to see her. And he said oh no it’s becaus I told her she could and it will break her heart. Like I don’t understand, it’s my mom and baby day. She’s not my baby’s mom:. And she hasn’t visited once so why does the day she visit have to be mother’s day? Like it makes no sense.

Yeah. After I gave birth the nurses said they were waiting outside the room. I just got stitched up and didn’t even have time with my babyqlone before they came in. And his sister got mad she couldn’t come in because only two people we’re allowee and my mom has been waiting all day since my boyfriend didn’t want her in the delivery room she wait
In the waiting room for 12 hours.

OP posts:

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:29

I know but I feel like she’s not obliged to see MY baby on my first Mother’s day when she hasn’t visited at all. I feel like she was trying to take it away from me and make it about her/.

OP posts:

N0tbloodylikely · 12/05/2019 20:29

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time op. I totally get you wanted to spend your first mothers day with your new baby and it would have been nice if your bf did something to make you feel special. I don't blame you for being upset with your mil either and it is odd she hasn't visited.

musicposy · 12/05/2019 20:30

It sounds as though you're having a tough time of it and could do with more support from your bf. He needs to lay down some boundaries with his mum re not taking the baby away from you etc.

But. It's his baby too. I know it's very normal to feel very possessive of your baby when they're young, I certainly did. But try to remember that other people love your baby too, not just you.

And ok, it's not grandmother's day, but she is still a mother. One day your own baby will be grown up and you will want her to still love you and remember you on Mother's Day.

I spent the early years getting very wound up over Mother's Day because DH was shit at it. He only ever did anything for MIL because I wasn't his mother. I was well aware of that but it would have been nice for him to do something from my DCs, but he didn't.

I wasted so many years getting upset, and it really wasn't worth it. If I could go back I would stop worrying until the DC were old enough to do something themselves. That day comes quicker than you think. In a few short years your baby will be in school and making you cards, and a year or so after that, she will be cooking you a very dodgy breakfast you have to pretend to enjoy.

Try not to get too upset. It's just one day. But as an aside, get your bf to insist his mother treats you with respect.

INeedAFlerken · 12/05/2019 20:36

What on earth is HE doing lying in until 1pm in the afternoon when you have a newborn in the house and you aren't doing well yourself?1?!

HE doesn't really sound like a keeper, OP.

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:37

True. Thanks.

It just sucks because now the day is completely ruined and nobody is happy. I’m sitting in our room with my baby while she’s sleeping on me and my boyfriend is playing PlayStation.. like honestly he mind as well go soend it with his mom .:

OP posts:

thelastgoldeneagle · 12/05/2019 20:37

Your h has been hideous and unsupportive right through your pregnancy. He’s not going to change. You’ve been complaining about him and unhappy for months.

All you can change is how you react to him.

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:39

I know.
It’s sad but I’ve been thinking of leaving him for a while. I do everything by myself he maybe holds her for 20 min 1-2 times a day andchanges a diaper a day. I’m exhausted and I have puke and poops all over me bc I haven’t even been able to change and that’s how it is everyday. :( it sucks. He supports us financially (well pays for
Our house and gives me crap about paying for anything else) so there’s nothing I can do at the moment I have no where else to stay.

OP posts:

Mintandthyme · 12/05/2019 20:40

What on earth is HE doing lying in until 1pm in the afternoon when you have a newborn in the house and you aren't doing well yourself?1?!

Read Op’s previous threads...

FEF1102 · 12/05/2019 20:42

It is about ALL mums and so his mum is still a mum and he still deserves to spend time with her. You do come first but there is no need that this can't be a shared celebration. Would you, in years to come, accept your child not being able to see you on mothers day because they then had their own children and they were asked not to spend time with you and it portrayed that you didn't matter anymore? I think you would be hurt by this. Remember you are both mothers and both feel pain in not spending time with loved ones on special occasions. It is now that you need to learn to share your time.

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:43

He honesty doesn’t help, he thinks everything is my job since he pays our rent. I have leftover makeup on from days ago, poop and puke on me, I never get to sleep.

He only does stuff after I ask him to 100 times , then he’s still
Gives me shit for having to do it.. stuff like setting the stroller up bc I can’t.

OP posts:

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:45

I know I get it

And tbh idk, when my daughter has kids and wants the day to be about her especially if it’s her first Mother’s Day like I wouldn’t blame her..
ideally, we would both celebrate us being moms, not just me or just her.
But I have a feeling his mom wouldn’t say happy mother’s day to me
Blah blah and that’s why i didnt wanna see her bc she doesn’t respect me..
I wanna give
Her anothe chance but I don’t feel like having her upset me today If thats the case

OP posts:

S1naidSucks · 12/05/2019 20:48

It’s still his mother.
It’s just another day. so if it’s just another day, why does it matter if he spends it with his mother.

I’m sorry to tell you this OP, but I don’t see a happy future for you with this horrible man. His mother sounds horrible too. I take it he expects feck all on father’s day? Do you have parents that you are close to or do you feel stuck with him?

Nanny0gg · 12/05/2019 20:48

I'm sorry, but him ignoring Mothers' Day is the least of your problems with this loser.

Can you move back to your mother's?

redhotchill · 12/05/2019 20:49

Right, I've read your other threads now and this is not about Mother's Day.

You need to work out a way to leave this arsehole. He's lazy, abusive, selfish and if you don't protect yourself and your daughter now she will suffer too.

I don't know the system in the US but there must be somewhere you can go?

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