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Original poster

First Mother’s Day.. bf thinks it’s stil about his mom ?

65 replies

Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:11

I just gave birth a month ago and had anterible labor and the recovery process for me has been hell:.

Anyway I’ve just been a mess and don’t even have the energy to have ppl over.

My bf asked if I was doing anything w my mom for mother’s Day & I said no bc she wanted the day off to sleep and she lives an hour away. He said he wants to get lunch with his mom
(She also lives far like 45 min ) and I said okay whatever . Then yesterday he said maybe his mom and sister can come over & we can have takeout . His mom hasn’t visited the baby once
Since the hospital bc she said she was sick. She also was rlly rude to me in the hospital after I had a horrible labor and almost lost
My baby. had tons of
Complications I have ptsd from the experience.
She barely acknowledged me and said my bf must be so tired, asked why he hadn’t held her yet when she came In the room
Immediately after the birth when they just put the baby on me and hasn’t even done apgar scores. She Brought Clothes that say “I love daddy “ on them, took my baby and took family pics with her while I sat on the bed discluded. No one asked to take pics of me, or of me and my baby, or with me. It was extremely upsetting and ducked up tbh. Literally took my baby for family pics without her mom who just gave birth to her. Then didn’t say bye to me.

No I don’t want her coming the first time since the hospital and the day she wants to
Come Is my first Mother’s Day? like she wants my boyfriend to
Take her out to brunch then come over and play with my baby.I jusf flipped and said it’s not grandmas day she’s not coming over to play with the baby on my first Mother’s Day and making it about her. Ans he said okay fine I’ll jusr take her to lunch and she can come in after for five minutes. I said no becaus at this point I was just angry . And tbh I don’t see why on my first Mother’s Day he even has to take his mom out. I know that sounds selfish but I’m a new mom and he can’t celebrafe with her another day,l.. like he has to take her out and give her time with the baby on my baby and mom
Day when she hasn’t vistited all month.

I told my bf I don’t lnkw why she even expects you to take her out on my first Mother’s day and he ruined the day for me.he woke up at 1 pm and I’ve been
Doing everything as usual, then I asked when’s ur mom
Coming and he said I told her not
To
Come. It’s 3pm now and he hasn’t even said anything to me like happy
Mother’s Day. I said you Ruined my day so you might
As well gonspend it with ur mom

Am I overreacting. I’m just disappointed & it aucjs this is my family..

OP posts:
Rach182 · 12/05/2019 20:51

Erm, why did your boyfriend get to decide who you allowed in the delivery room with you? It's called birth partner... support for the person giving birth. It was your decision alone to have your mum in there with you andyou should have put your foot down on that one.

Are you a bit scared of him? Could you have gone to see your mum today for mothers day? Could she help out? Could you stay with her for a bit...? it sounds as though your boyfriend doesn't have much respect for you, and his family have learnt from his example.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 12/05/2019 20:54

Wtf, he barred your mum from the delivery suite - he wasn't the one giving birth, it had fuck all to do with him who you wanted to support you as you gave birth! He sounds like a controlling, selfish manchild. I hope when you're feeling stronger you can kick him out/leave.

Original poster
Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:55

My mom lives an hour away and her husband chain smokes inside and I don’t want my baby around that.

My dad lives 20 hours away and he’s a dead beat

I legimitelt have nowhere else to stay

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:56

Ya. And I wish my mom has been there becaus she actually woulda helped
Me during labor and honestly
He didn’t. He sat
On the couch next to me and wwwnt there for me during any it
He slept and www annoyed. I cried because I wanted my mom there and I know my mom really wanted to be there and she waited all day outside the room; I still feel bad about it

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 20:58

Exactly

OP posts:
redhotchill · 12/05/2019 21:02

So what are you going to do? Where can you go to get help?

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 12/05/2019 21:02

Give yourself a Mother’s Day. Start by washing your face and brushing your hair and teeth. Tell yourself today is when it starts getting better.

Original poster
Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 21:05

I honestly have no idea, theees not much I can do when my baby needs me 24/7 I have nowhere else to stay, and no money

OP posts:
redhotchill · 12/05/2019 21:06

A quick google came up with this. Maybe some ideas there?

www.moneycrashers.com/get-emergency-financial-assistance-help-bills/

Original poster
Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 21:08

True thx. I kinda jsuf wih he would leave and go spend it with his mom . He’s playing PlayStation in the other rom. I don’t wanna be with him anymore.: it’s true I’m reading all the threads I’ve wrtitren; he’s so lazy, etc.

I’ve also had to like deal w him being a crap parent. In the first weeks he would yell at my baby to shut up when she was crying, and he would leave her in her bed to cry and then play PlayStation with a headset talking to ppl while she lays n her bed and cries! He finally stoped now but I’ve had to tell him ur a bad parent and don’t ever tell my daughter to shut up. Like i don’t trust him with her at all, even when he’s “watchin” her for a little bit I don’t feel safe or comfortable to leave him alone w her. It sucks. I feel like I have to protect her from her own dad and that she’s not safe with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 21:11

And whenever he warchzs her she jsuf tries to make her sleep even when she not tired. And I don’t lkke when sss so sleep she’s not responsive, he would put way too many blankets on her so she would sleep and then she would be hard to wake up when normally she wakes up super easy which is how it should be. I’ve has to yell at him like I think ur borderline suffocating her. I might be overreacting but I don’t care. I don’t trust him with her. Everything really sucks.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 12/05/2019 21:11

Forget the MIL. She is a small issue in your life, in comparison to a man who treats you like a slave.
OP he is a lazy dick, seriously he needs to be kicked out or get his shit together and grow up.

julensaor · 12/05/2019 21:13

Ah I just read your previous threads as suggested by previous posters. Can you talk to your mom, is there anyway she can help you - can her partner smoke outside, can you explain your desperation to her? You said she would have been welcome at the birth, so it can't be too bad a relationship? Where in the world are you?

Original poster
Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 21:15

She won’t get him to stop. I had to deal with it since I was a teenager, him chainsmoking inside. He won’t stop, I’ve tried for 10 years ...

Trust me on it

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 21:16

I think he is trying to change, its jsuf exhausting for me..

Like all the shit I have to do to get hi to act how he should, it’s so exhausting ..

OP posts:
Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 12/05/2019 21:20

I’d move in with the smoker and keep my bedroom smoke free and use it like a bedsit.

redhotchill · 12/05/2019 21:20

He's not trying to change! Stop making excuses for him. You don't feel that your baby is safe. A caravan in your mums garden is preferable to this!

redhotchill · 12/05/2019 21:21

Yeah, block out all the smoke and cats! Get a little kettle, slow cooker and slowly build yourself up again

TraceyLP · 12/05/2019 21:23

Hi OP,
your last posts are very concerning. I'm glad you recognise the dangerous risk your partner poses to your baby if his emotional intelligence is at the level of shouting at a baby or piling her with blankets to shut her up.

I'm not one for responding with drama and would not say this lightly but please go and live with your mum. Sure passive smoking is not great and babies are at greater risk of ear infections, asthma, cot death etc but the risk to your daughter from such an unkind and immature father is high and much more immediate. All the warning signs are there and you know it. You feel you can't trust him even to watch him while you shower - go go go!

Go as soon as possible. I think if he seeks contact with your daughter it should be supervised. If you really can't go to your mums you need to seek help from social services/a shelter or whatever the system is there.

Find the strength you need to protect your daughter

DreamsOfDownUnder · 12/05/2019 21:59

@Idontknow777 He sounds like an asshole. No one tells you who can be in the delivery room, you are going through the most undignified intimate moment of your life, you say who watches - nobody else! If my baby's dad was to tell me my mother, the person who went through the same thing to bring in to this world couldn't be present at the birth, it would be him leaving the delivery room! Some men really have no appreciation for what us women go through to bring their babies into this world!

Are you scared of this 'man'?

Original poster
Idontknow777 · 12/05/2019 22:14

I’m not scared of him

he didn’t directly say “she can’t be In here” but he made t clear he didn’t want her there, and for some reason I thought it was his choice too, i was torn about who I joked
Make happy ascribed for like four hours at the beginning of my inducement , felt bad for mom, still doo, and wish she had been there, it may have gone better, but I learned a huge lesson in this, that I do what I want and dont let other ppl Control me or treat my daughter by yelling shut up bc she doesn’t doesn’t understahd what the words mean. That doesn’t matter. I learned a shift ton so that’s what I take from it

OP posts:
Mintandthyme · 12/05/2019 23:16

He shouts at his newborn baby to shut up? And he puts too many blankets on her ? She is not safe with him.

Coolegary1 · 12/05/2019 23:21

I'd take a chain smoker any day over where you are now. He is too volatile around your baby. You now are the only and safest advocate for your little baby. Get out fast.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 13/05/2019 01:27

You’re learning but you’re not learning fast enough. Go home to your Mum. You both deserve better

Stormy76 · 13/05/2019 02:08

In the short term you should just go to your mums and get your child away from him because he thinks it’s ok to scream at a baby who is only a few weeks old and piles blankets on her to make her sleep and then she is unresponsive!!!! Wtf that’s abuse and you need to get away from him, is there a women’s refuge you can get to because your child is not safe with him at all. Do not leave her with him alone.