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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First night out after having DC

93 replies

incogneto · 12/05/2019 16:26

How long after having DC before you had a night out?

I've planned a night out on June 1st for my birthday - my parents are having DS overnight. I'll be over a month post partum then.

My brother was critical of this and said it was too soon. Now I'm rethinking it and feel really guilty for even considering it 😥

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 12/05/2019 17:05

I left ds at 3 weeks old with my mum for the night until the following afternoon. He was formula fed. I was glad of the rest and sleep. We didn't go out in the evening but went out the following day for lunch. Do what you are comfortable with.

Settlersofcatan · 12/05/2019 17:06

About 8 weeks or so for an evening out. We don't have anyone willing to have ours overnight so that was leaving him with my DH.

Slomi · 12/05/2019 17:07

I left DD with her aunt for less than 2 hrs while DP and I went to the pub and had a meal and drinks for my birthday. She was 2 months at this stage and it felt like a long time. When she was 7 months my DM took her overnight and DP and I went for dinner/late cinema/drinks with my sisters and their OHs. I put her to bed at 7.30pm, she slept through until 6.30am and we were back to pick her up at 9.00am so she probably barely noticed us gone but I found it very hard to leave her if I'm honest.

I agree with PP that there is no right or wrong. Do what feels right for you and ignore your DB. (Is it just the mother he has this opinion about out of interest, or does he think the father should give up all social life also?).

Original poster
incogneto · 12/05/2019 17:08

God I feel awful now after reading comments on this thread about those saying it's been years and they still haven't been out Sad

I think I'd be alright for a night out in another 3 weeks time. And he's staying with my mum and dad so I know he's safe.

Now having second thoughts though and feel like a shit mum.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 12/05/2019 17:09

Everyone is different and I think feeding choice has a big impact on this

I'd not have gone out that early was probably a few months with both of mine due to bf and lack of inclination

MrsHormonal2019 · 12/05/2019 17:09

I think possible around 2 Yr old.
Didn't want to be away from him tbh. Fell utterly in love with him, I worked part time and that was enough of a break.

TerribleTwosPhase · 12/05/2019 17:10

DD was 13 month old before i had a night out. She was breastfed though so I would have struggled to leave her overnight before she was a year. It's entirely up to you and how you feel, it's not up to your brother. Everyone feels ready at totally different stages, it's up to how you feel nobody else.

Original poster
incogneto · 12/05/2019 17:10

I very very rarely go out for a drink. Even before DC it was literally once/twice a year if that

OP posts:
Original poster
incogneto · 12/05/2019 17:10

Also mention DS is FF

OP posts:
Hermagsjesty · 12/05/2019 17:10

It doesn’t make you a bad Mum at all! Every Mum and every baby is different. Go with what seems right for you.

Original poster
incogneto · 12/05/2019 17:12

I will miss him terribly and know I will be ringing and texting constantly to check he's alright. It was bad enough when I went to nap the other day and my MIL looked after him for a couple hours whilst I was upstairs.

It's all still new to me though at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
incogneto · 12/05/2019 17:13

Perhaps I'll see how I feel closer to the time Thanks

OP posts:
Figgygal · 12/05/2019 17:13

Based on your update op I'm wondering Why the hurry then?

I was a proper piss head in my 20's had ds1 at 30 still had a social life afterwards but not like before. Had Ds2 at 35 he was a terrible sleeper for 18 months and it just wasn't worth it. Now at 2.5 I'd happily go out more but lack of babysitting options from ageing PIL mean we have much less options than we did with just ds1

Littlemissdaredevil · 12/05/2019 17:13

It’s none of your brothers business. Funnily, enough I bet he wouldn’t judge your DP in the same way if he was going to play football training or have a night out with the lads

iolaus · 12/05/2019 17:13

Out of interest have you left your baby at all yet?

If so you may be underestimating just how much you miss them when you aren't with them - so going from not leaving them at all to going overnight does seem extreme to me, however if you've already left the baby for a few hours at a time then maybe not so much

I did leave my eldest at 5 weeks, but it was a few hours 3-4maybe then came home

But then I've also known people who have left the baby with their grandparents every week from 3-4DAYS old

Figgygal · 12/05/2019 17:14

But really it's such a personal choice

Original poster
incogneto · 12/05/2019 17:15

@Figgygal I had a shit pregnancy and an even worse birth. It's my birthday and there's another special event happening in DPs family at the same time so that's why we have planned to go out.

Just so happened both have fell not long after having my son. It's not because I want to get away from him or anything. Like I said it's rare that I go out but I'll perhaps reconsider going off this thread

OP posts:
WhatALearningCurve · 12/05/2019 17:15

@incogneto 4 weeks post partum was my first night out. 6 weeks was when he first stayed overnight away from me.

My opinion is that if you feel ready then go for it. You've become a mum - not had a personality transplant. If I can't trust my mum to look after a baby when she raised 6 children then how can I trust myself or my partner with him when we've had no experience?

Some people will judge but ignore them. Some people aren't ready and some people are.

WinterWife · 12/05/2019 17:17

You're not a shit mum at all lovely. Your DB is a CF and should mind his own business!

If you feel comfortable leaving your baby then do it, all mams deserve a night away whether it's a month pp or 5 year pp. Every mother is different and there no right or wrong here.
Go out and have an amazing time x

Original poster
incogneto · 12/05/2019 17:19

@iolaus nope. Only to nap upstairs while MIL looked after him for 2 hours.

I don't think I'll ever be prepared for leaving him but I will have to at some point

OP posts:
WhatALearningCurve · 12/05/2019 17:19

@incogneto also - please ignore every single poster who has said something along the lines of "I couldn't leave my child as I loved them too much". No need for that level of mum shaming.

I love my child more than life itself and that isn't negated when in between 10 weeks of looking after him 24/7 I've had a couple of hours away from him.

Enjoying time without your child does not mean you don't love them and doesn't change whether you're a good mum or not

user1493413286 · 12/05/2019 17:20

None of your brothers business; do it whenever you like

XiCi · 12/05/2019 17:22

10 years before baby left for a night out!! GrinGrin

OP you have absolutely no need to feel guilty. You have someone you love and trust who is looking after your baby. Go out for your birthday and have an amazing night.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 12/05/2019 17:25

I had a Christmas lunch out with friends when DD was 5 weeks old, she was ebf so I couldn’t be away too long or my boobs turned to rocks, but I felt fine and, truthfully, didn’t miss her that much. I was just glad of the break after 5 weeks of no sleep.

In saying that I didn’t leave her overnight for 16 months, but that wasn’t a deliberate choice, just the way things worked out.

SoyDora · 12/05/2019 17:26

Just see how you feel. You can always cancel closer to the time if you’re not feeling up to it.
For me it was about 6 months for DD1 and 2, and DS is currently 4 months and we haven’t been out yet. I BF though so that’s the main reason we waited longer.
Have to say though that at 4 weeks pp I was just too bloody knackered!!

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