Unusual dating one maybe - would you date someone who treats your condition?

[asdou]

So say a gynaecologist when you've got gynae issues
Or a psychiatrist when you've mental health issues
Or a cancer specialist when you've cancer

That sort of similarity.

I know what he does, and it's quite specific, and specific to something I'm getting treatment for. But while he sounds like a lovely guy, I'd feel duplicitous by not telling him - well actually I know a lot about your profession actually - because I'm on the receiving end of it.

It's not something I would ordinarily tell someone I'm dating. So do I just sort of dump this guy, or tell him why?

I think that says far more about YOUR feelings about ED’s

Well it's Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest really isn't it. I feel my ED is a part of me that's broken. People don't generally go for 'broken' people.

Actually my opinion is that you are overthinking it. You haven’t even met him yet, maybe you won’t hit it off anyway. If you do click then you can tell him before either of you get too invested.

If you do decide to call it a day now, will you tell him why?

I suppose ultimately I'm looking for a life partner, not that I feel one is hiding in the wings somewhere lol, so I guess I'm happy with dating.

I think this just sounds a little messy for me.

The thing is my immediate reaction when he disclosed his job was to think 'block him!!!!!' It's like a visceral fear of anyone knowing, or letting anyone 'in'.

I will tell him why - then he can ride off into the sunset thinking 'phew, that was a lucky escape!'

I can wax lyrical about other aspects of my health, but find it extremely difficult to even speak to professionals about this particular disorder.

Not really second date material haha!

The other thing for me is that the eating disorder is merely a physical manifestation of 'all sorts of fucked up in the head' for me.

Given that he's a therapist specialising in this, he would know more than most, what it indicates about a person.....

The thing you need to realize is that many of us are “broken”. I had an abusive childhood and suffer from anxiety. My husband doesn’t love me despite of those things, he just loves me.

I would skip this particular guy because you should trust your own instincts. It isn’t a good relationship for you if you are having these feelings.

In the longer term, please remember that none of us are perfect. You are no more flawed than every other person walking around. I know it doesn’t feel that way. I walk down the street thinking no one can be feeling the way I am feeling, but I know intellectually that every person I am passing is actually filled with their own insecurities.

If he was my therapist never in a million years would I date them. I would also stop seeing him on the spot.

In all honesty, I would be very reluctant to date a psychiatrist or therapist as I don't want to be treated by my partner.

I don’t want to sound critical, but it sounds a little bit as though you are not in the right place for dating. Seeing yourself as ‘broken’ is not a good starting point for a healthy relationship.
If you meet him, and he doesn’t want to see you again, will you wind yourself up thinking about whether it’s because of your condition when it might be things just didn’t click?

I work in mental health and probably wouldn’t have dated someone with a severe mental illness. That is not because there is anything wrong with those people or I see them as broken or deficient or unworthy of love; it is because I think there would be the potential to end up in an odd power dynamic where my partner becomes my patient.

I've never seen myself as anything but broken! Because I am.

As somebody who used to have an eating disorder I'd have found this really uncomfortable personally and feel like he'd be overly invested in my behaviours etc and possibly trying to council me. But, he might not do that and instead respect your boundaries, I guess it depends how you feel he'd act.

I don’t think you should meet up with him, )but you should send him a message, not just blank him). Not because of what HE thinks, but because of what you think.

I hope your therapy works and you can stop feeling broken.

Everyone has a history, no one is broken. Some people have had more bad stuff to deal with than others, but that doesn’t make them broken 🌷

Are you really in the right place to be dating? All this anxiety about someone and you haven't even met him yet. I had an eating disorder for decades. I was tiresome and hard work with all my issues around food and my anxieties in general. Dates aren't fun when you are constantly worrying about having to eat, trying to appear normal, getting freaked out at eating in front of people, the fear as you walk into a restaurant. Sex is a no go as you're so worried about your body, even if you just use sex to burn calories or as a throw away activity with men just to prove something to yourself. From reading your thread and further posts it is very obvious that you need a lot more therapy befits embarking on dating. Especially OLD as it's bloody harsh and your self esteem might not hack it. You are vulnerable and in the kindest possible way having been there myself, you're an emotional mess. I have no idea what your physical health is like but please give yourself time to heal and patch up your "broken" bits. This is the time you need to concentrate on you and your needs. You don't need the pressure of dating until you are stronger. Take care of you

All of us are 'broken' in one way or another. But if you come across as antagonistic and exhausting as you do on this thread then he'll run a mile health condition or not.

I wouldn't call it anxiety. It was just a question.

antagonistic and exhausting ?
That's an interesting one as it's exactly how I'd describe you

Thanks for calling me an 'emotional mess' lol.

You know fuck all about me.

I'm an emotional mess because I've said I'm receiving treatment for an eating disorder? Nice.

And you question why I asked the question.

Well it's Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest really isn't it. I feel my ED is a part of me that's broken. People don't generally go for 'broken' people.

It's a part of you, certainly. But it's no more broken than someone with depression, a Mother with PND, someone with a broken leg, a Dad with Diabetes. Everyone has 'broken' parts, some physical, some emotional, some both. Everyone has something they think "fuuuuck, got to hide that" when they meet someone lovely. Everyone's a little bit damaged in some ways, because it's a rare person who hasn't grown up through some kind of loss, trauma, bullying or other defining moments.

Your broken parts probably seem huge to you because you don't see everyone else's. If we all wore our damaged parts on our sleeves we'd leave ourselves vulnerable to all sorts, so we hide them and pretend we're ok. It's alright to admit that you're not perfect.

Why are you so angry and aggressive towards posters? Some of us are sharing our experiences of having an ED and offering you advice.

Some sensible posters have offered better advice than I could, I just wanted to say that I think you're tremendously brave for seeking help. Take care of yourself

Why are you so angry and aggressive towards posters?

If you show me where I have been, I'll answer........

I think you have to be upfront about this. Let him know that you will totally understand if this is a bit too close for him. You've said he's nice to chat to and seems like a decent person.

I'd do this before you meet up and before you get too attached.