To ask how much you spend on presents for kids you don't know?

[TessieVanKendre]

My DD started reception September and has been invited to a fair few parties. Thing is, I always feel obliged to take a present for the child ( which I absolutely have no problem with at all) my problem is, I never know what to get and how much to spend. I try not to go over £10, but you don't really know if that's too much or too little.

What do you buy for boys and what do you buy for girls? (turning 5-6)

You know what is massive virtue signalling though. Parents that ask for contributions to a specific charity instead of gifts. My DH floated this idea for DS birthday this year. As much as I would love that (I hate all the toys) I had to tell him off for being so rude. It’s really presumptious for one. Then there’s also the element of asking people to donate to a charity they aren’t familiar with (even though this is an unusually good one). And then it’s also a bit twatish to use a kid’s party to show everyone how good you are (not what he was trying to do, he’s just regularly looking for more ways to raise money for this charity-it’s the charity his business supports so he has a fair deal of involvement and is really on board with what they are doing etc but the parents at school don’t know this). DS will be getting his presents and we just won’t buy any toys until Christmas to avoid having to much stuff.

I usually aim for around £10.

Like some other pps, I try and get toys that are reduced (sales or promotional offers).

I’ve also given book tokens before, partly because book tokens are something that my DC love receiving.
It never occurred to me that people might think this was virtue signalling - it might not always be a present the birthday child is thrilled about, but surely that’s a risk with any present regardless of what it is?

@whereistheglove most schools have unspoken rules about how much to spend. When I was a child it was $20. No one ever said anything but everyone knew. At DS nursery it was £10. Again no one ever said anything but somehow everyone knew.

Between £5-£10
Tiger is great for reasonable presents!

This is absolutely dependent on the type of school and the area. So OP needs to find out the norm for her area. Or alternatively just spend what she wants.
Don't get the "kids you don't know" comment though. Presumably DD is the one invited to the party and she does know the birthday child?

I can’t see it being a school “ unspoken rule” , it may be the norm amongst the parents but there’s no way the school could police how much parents spend on gifts. So wee johnnys mum spends £15 instead of the unspoken £10 rule, is she going to get called in to see the teacher? Same with school rules of inviting only one sex or all the class. How on earth do they police that?

Haven’t done it for years now, youngest is 16, but when we did £10 in a card was the norm (£20 for best friends).

£5 for a child i don't know £10-£25 for a best friend.

Look out for 3 for 2 offers. 3 x £7 items will cost £14 but work out less than £5 per gift. The Book People is good for bulk buying activity books. Dd and her friends really enjoyed the Usborne Sticker Dolly Dressing books at that age or a colouring book and pencils. For boys my go to is Lego or other construction kit as that is what my sons liked at that age.

How do people afford or justify £10? When mine where little they often went to 3 parties a month £30 on gifts would be impossible

We can afford it because, well, we just can. Some people have more disposable cash than others.
I don’t feel like I have to justify what I spend to anyone, but if I was to justify it, it would be on the grounds that they’ve spent money and effort on organising a party, feeding my child, party games, party bags etc, and that they’ve been kind enough to invite my child.
DD1 is 5 and I usually ask her what sort of gift she thinks the birthday girl/boy would like. She usually has a fair idea of their interests from playing/chatting at school. Or you can gauge it from the party ‘theme’, for example she went to a party last weekend and it was superhero themed, so I figured the boy liked superheroes!

My dd loved sets of gel pens at that too.

How do people afford or justify £10? When mine where little they often went to 3 parties a month £30 on gifts would be impossible

We didn't accept all invites. A lot of invites in Nursery/Reception are a result of being in the same class rather than because the children were actual friends. If you want to attend 3 parties but can't afford £10 per party then there's lots of ways to spend less. Children don't know the relative prices of a packet of Match Attax, Lego it box of Maltesers.

SoyDora - I used to ask my child what lunchbox they had as a guess to interests too. A child with an Avengers lunchbox might prefer Avengers to Batman etc

£10 for kids I know, £5 for my DC's acquaintances. Kids they don't socialise with but are on friendly terms.

When I had school age kids my boss used to give me 10 pounds per present. You can buy a little Lego/play mobile set for that.

Less than a tenner

£5 ish. I often buy books and a fiver gets you a decent book these days.

A fiver or less.

Between £8 and £15, depending on what I can find and the venue. Tend to spend a bit more if the parents paid for an activity etc.

I like to buy something that will last and can be passed on rather than tat that ends up in landfill.

It really depends on the area and what you can afford.
Usually for us it's about 10quids. Others do the same. I don't waste money on a fancy card (ends up in the bin) but get my kids to write one themselves on thick paper.
If it's a kid I know well/close friend I'd go to 15quids usually.

Also it does depend a bit on the venue etc.
For instance if it's 3 kids having a joint birthday party I'll spend much less per kid and go to 15quids together max.

I always put £5 in a card, I'm sure their parents don't need any more cheap plastic crap, and appreciate that more. Then they can save up and buy something they want, and I don't need to bother looking for a present that might like - win win

I put a fiver in a cheap card. My DD is in reception and has been invited to so many parties recently. It may be zero effort but I haven't got the time or the money to be buying gifts for kids I don't know.

@BogglesGoggles

surely you can just stop at the bookshop on your way home one day and use them?

Depends if you live in the sticks or not. The only bookshop in our town is a second hand place, which doesn't accept book tokens. Nearest place that does means a trip into the nearest city, which whilst doable on a weekend isn't really feasible as an after school option.

@42andcounting but she or her husband must work near one. Or they must occasionally go into town to buy something specific and can stop then? Even when we lived in a village it was impossible for a week to pass without going into past a bookshop at some point.

@BogglesGoggles the only bookshop we have is a crappy wh smiths with a tiny selection. our books come from charity shop or online.book tokens are pretty useless for many people (can they be donated somewhere? i have several i can’t spend!)