AIBU to not remember my parents wedding anniversary?

[nuttyfruitcake]

Every year my mum makes a big thing about telling me it's their wedding anniversary. Which I obviously don't have on my radar. They usually go out somewhere, which is nice. I get the impression she wants a card from us and a big fanfare, but I just don't think it's something that needs my input. She tends say you seem to have forgotten, but it's our wedding anniversary tomorrow.

My parents were married a long time ( 10 years ) before having me and brother. They argue constantly and moan about each other, and I would say they are both quite miserable.

For context I'm not married, but have been married in the past. They never sent me a wedding anniversary card or even mentioned it. And I wouldn't have expected it at all. (And yes they did like my husband and didn't want us to spilt.)

I don't think so, its each to their own really. I don't buy my parents a card every year. I did for their 25th and I will be this year for their 30th as they are milestone anniversaries, but my oh never gets his parents one.
I don't think it's that big a deal to anyone but them iyswim?

Which I obviously don't have on my radar.

Why ‘obviously’? I remember it just like I would a birthday.

My mum was like this. As kids we were encouraged to make them wedding anniversary cards. Having said that she exchanged gifts with her parents for wedding anniversary too.
Then at their 25th anniversary I bought them something fairly pricy and naice and realised it was quite a lot of bollocks and just an excuse to be guilt tripped into more random shit. Haven’t bothered since.

And no, she’s never sent us an anniversary card (which is fine, we don’t even mark it).

It's a big deal for her, she is telling you every single year. It wouldn't kill you to put a note in your calendar and send her a card. It's only a card.

It doesn't matter if you are not that bothered, it's just something nice to do for someone else.

We (the kids) have organized an anniversary party when parents got to 40years. That was parents suggesting us to do something as a family. Then we decide who organize the day. Maybe when they hit 50 we might have dinner. Other than that we don't acknowledge it.

I organised a party for my parents 25th, 40th and will do for 50th

I always thought it was something for the couple only. And the only time you might send a card was if they invited you to a party to celebrate a big one. I’m not married but if we do get married I won’t expect anyone but my husband to remember. My parents divorced when I was little, though, so I may be in the minority.

If you know it's important to her why can't you mark it in on a calendar? You sound very mean and uncaring

I always think I wasn’t there so why would I?

I couldn’t tell you when my parents anniversary was (they’ve both passed on now) other than the month! It was never a big deal. However me and my husband were going to treat them to a lovely weekend getaway for their 50th. Sadly my dad died that a few months before. I’d just smile and wish them a good time!

I don't get people who make any kind of deal out of someone else's anniversary, I know someone who sends anniversary cards to couples of every wedding she went to, I find it odd. Ok maybe first anniversary, and a big milestone like 50th, but other than that I see it as something between a couple.

Why would you? Weird that she expects you to.

Funny enough it’s our wedding anniversary today and my daughter just dropped in with a card and some champagne, but I wouldn’t expect anything.

I dunno.

My in-laws go away for a weekend for their wedding anniversary or have a very nice meal and I always make a note of the date. I do have a little giggle since my husband, their oldest child, was born six months later... They celebrated 50 years together and that is note-worthy.

My parents were a mystery to me regarding their anniversary. They married at the registry six months after my sister was born and they had a religious ceremony 14 years after their first. My parents were devout Catholics so I understand why they kept that to themselves. I didn't learn this until both their deaths in 2012.

I think that the parent's anniversary is meant to be recognized by the children but let's face it, it's really between the couple and no-one else.

This is so funny, my parents do the same, they are forever telling me that I have forgotten their anniversary. I also tell them that I haven’t forgotten but don’t pay attention to it as I am not married to either of them. It is between the couple to celebrate and can’t see what it has to do with me. For a big anniversary, I will get a present but that’s once a decade and doesn’t merit the yearly reminders it has slipped my mind.

I’m always amazed when anyone remembers my anniversary.

My dad reminded me of his and my mums 40th anniversary but even he got the date wrong. Considering they are the prime example of an awful marriage I don’t tend to remember or celebrate their years of misery.

I think it’s for the couple themselves to celebrate - but if I thought it was such a big deal to my parents I’d probably put an eternal reminder in my phone and send a card just to save the earache.

I will add this though:

My MIL made a big deal out of her second son's wedding anniversary every single year. She sent them cards, she made them personalized sweets with their initials to be sent out on their special day, etc... I know that the card was especially sent to my SIL because it was the "anniversary" of when SHE became part of the family.

To be fair, my SIL is English and lived in the neighboring town as my in-laws so they were heavily involved in their son's relationship with her. They had a traditional wedding and it was a big deal to them all.

I am American, their son (my husband) and I had a LDR and he lived 200 miles from his family and we literally married a few months after I met them. They were not involved in our courtship or any aspect of our relationship.

So, yes, it was biting when I discovered that my MIL made a big deal out of my BIL & SIL's day.

I did mention it to my husband's sister after 20 years and I've now started receiving an anniversary card from my MIL.

I get it. She made an oversight and she's trying to be fair.

She really is a nice lady.

It wouldn’t occur to me to remind our children about our wedding anniversary. We don’t usually make a thing of it, except a card each. We were with my son and DiL this year, so they saw the cards, but I don’t expect them to think of it.

@CarolsBiggestFan I know.. my parents are both retired, and complain about each other all the time. My Dad has recently gone back to do a few days of adhoc work. So my mum has visited me on her own and she has been a different person. So much happier. It would just seem a bit weird to celebrate their marriage. I'm a genuine person, I don't like all this pretence. If they want to celebrate it's up to them, why do I have to be involved ?

On a related note when my late father was in hospital dying he made a great show to the nurses of it being his 40th wedding anniversary. It wasn't - it was his 39th..which made me laugh as it was so typical of him. He never bloody remembered my birthday or my age either!

My mum is like this
But she is a card person so I will send a card. It's no biggie

I never used to but then I got married on the same day. Can't forget it now !

It's only a card once a year and sounds like it would make your mum happy. I don't know why you wouldn't just do it.

remember their 60th anniversary, and don't forget to ask HM queen for a special card.

It's not like a 100th Birthday which comes automatically - you have to ask.

It's not important to you. It is important to her.
A card costs about 2 quid.
Can't you buy her one and make her happy?