Ex GF friend requesting DH

[whywhywhynot]

So wise mumnetters please tell me AIBU to be a little cautious about her motives, DH thinks I am.

DH GF from many moons ago (nearly 20 years) has friend requested him, I have no issue with exes being friends on FB or anywhere else for that matter, but this has come out of the blue. They have had no contact in all these years, no mutual friends etc so why now! It wasn't a serious relationship I don't believe, but they did have sex.

I think DH should ignore/delete the request, he thinks there is no harm in accepting it.

I'm with DH on this one. If it did turn out she was interested, that's the point where he says no thank you, happily married etc, then delete.

They are not exactly friends... A short term shag.
Why would you want to be in touch?

Wouldn't bother me, and I'm not the "cool wife" type at all. Admittedly, my husband's only girlfriend was me, though.
If I got a friend request like that from an ex, I'd accept it so I could do some snooping out of curiosity, then probably forget all about it.
There would be no need for my husband to be concerned about it at all. He knows a couple of my exes very well (he is related to one!) and has no problem with me being in contact with them. After all, I chose him, not them.

Would DH be okay with you accepting an Ex BF's friend request?

I wouldn't like it op!! Xx

People who hardly know each other accepts FB invites, they had at least a bit more. I don't 5bink it's in any way strange. May e she had a dream about him, prompting her to wonder what has happened éd to him, looking him up and decided to befriend him purely to know what he's been up to.

I still talk to my ex from 20 years ago - we have not stopped being friends even though there has been a physical distance between us - I still care that he’s ok. I’m happy he’s married, he loves his family, doesn’t mean I want him. He was my friend 20 years ago even though we dated! History isn’t always about rekindling, we weren’t a great couple but were great friends.

Not everything like this is sinister

Its FB. People send friends requests to all kinds of folk from their past. It's someone from 20 years ago dont make a big deal out of it.

I would be ok with it. Maybe he popped up in her “people you may know” list and so she thought she’d add him for a nose at his profile. I have exes on mine and I’m sure my OH has ears on his.

Some might say, "oh, she just wants to be friendly and say hello." I say RUBBISH. She's looking to reignite the flame. I would bet she's gone through a breakup recently with a partner. BTW, I am not the jealous type in any way, but I do believe some things need to be left in the past. A married person should not reconnect with an ex partner. Maybe that's old fashioned, but that's how I feel.

Pressed send too soon

Its unlikely she has any ulterior motive other than wondering what hes up to now.

I recently got in touch with an ex from 20 years ago via Facebook. I’m happily married and have no interest in ‘reigniting a flame’. He popped into my mind and I was curious what he’s up to all these years later. He was happy to hear from me and we shared photos of our OH’s, kids and updated each other on the last few years (via one message each). That’s it. No ongoing emailing or phoning, just a nice hello. I don’t think this is unusual at all.

I wouldn’t like it but I’d try and do the cool wife thing and be ok with it while secretly Facebook stalking to make sure she was happily married etc.

I would understand it more if they had been friends or kept in touch all these years whether personally or through friends but nothing.

From having a nosy on her profile myself she is divorced but how long ago I obviously don't know and couldn't work out if she has a partner or not.

I don't see how he would have popped up randomly on her profile because they have no mutual friends.

@Aquamarine1029

It is old fashioned and it’s silly
I grew up with my ex since we were 13/14
I’m not going to stop talking to him because he married someone in 2010 am I
We were friends first!

Wouldn't bother me at all, I'm fb friends with a few ex's from years back and so is dh, we're all happily married.

I trust dh, if I didn't then I wouldn't be married to him.

Wow! I'm still friends with 2 of my exes on fb - they requested me though so I guess maybe not the same? I comment on one of their walls probably about once a month? He once wrote a long email apologising for cheating on me when he was only 19 and when we broke up - he seemed genuinely sorry and was suffering depression at the time, so I think it was probably quite healing for him to hear that I had moved past that and accepted his apology. He is clearly happily married with kids and lives miles away from me though... Little bit worried his wife feels threatened by me after reading some replies!

Wow YABU, 20 years has past, and you are jealous ? Sorry OP but you are all
Adults. Sometimes life events happen and it is just nice to catch up with old friends.

Exactly Pookie you were friends with your ex so I agree nothing wrong with staying friends but my DH wasn't friends as such they were in a sexual relationship and then when they weren't they had no more contact for all these years.

Purple I've had a look and no sign of a partner at the minute and relationship status is divorced

I say RUBBISH. She's looking to reignite the flame

I bet shes really not. Why would you assume that after 20 years shed be in anyway interested in him. Shes possibly married herself or she might look at his photos & wonder what she ever saw in him. It's really far more likely that it's just curiosity because they lost touch. Even if she did hope to reignite something she might be a lovely normal person wholl see hes married & rule him out. And besides even if she was wanting to rekindle things hell say no wont he? At that point he can delete & block her if he wants.

But ultimately its FB. Chances are hell add her & thatll be it, she'll be no more than a name on his friends list

@PookieDo

Yours is a completely different situation and not what I'm talking about at ALL. You and your ex have ALWAYS been friends and stayed in touch, which of course you should. The woman in this case has suddenly popped back after 20 years of no contact. It's not the same in any way. I would be suspicious of her intentions. Personally, I think it's beyond bizarre to try and reconnect on Facebook with someone who broke up with you two decades ago.

It's possible he showed up on her profile if they ever emailed each other and she imported her email contacts.

I wouldn't worry about it until it becomes something untoward. She is probably just curious and wants to say hi and that'll be the end of it.

Really struggling to see the issue here.

Not sure i'd say I'm jealous Firefly just a bit cautious and curious as to why after all these years, and they weren't friends they were lovers who had no contact after they were no longer lovers.

Definitely no emailing Damn DH struggles to email now and as only had a mobile about 10 years

@Aquamarine1029

But I don’t know if his ex wife knows that we stay in touch
That’s on him
We chat through LinkedIn not FB