To be angry?if your boyfriend said this to another woman would you?

[sherbitdipp]

Went on boyfriends phone earlier as my phone was dead and needed to phone a taxi.
Message popped up from a woman I didn't know read a few messages previous.
He sent her one last night 8pm saying ...
"Wow if I knew you were wearing that outfit tonight I would have came out to find you"
Now aibu here or is that shit for him to say?
Why would he even say it?
I'm biting my tongue off here.

OP go out and buy the exact same outfit, get yourself all dolled up and surprise him. Let's see his reaction! Then decide how you going to proceed!

@FireflyEden love it

OP go out and buy the exact same outfit, get yourself all dolled up and surprise him. Let's see his reaction! Then decide how you going to proceed
Do this! Watch his face!

Not harmless at all. I would be livid!

@DuckPancake me too
Let's see if he clicks when he sees OP wearing it

Oh boy. Don't let someone get away with that. Because the next step will be physical cheating unless that hasn't already happened.

Fucking hell, get rid of him.

I had a similar situation with an ex and his colleague years ago. He was constantly messaging her and would tell me when I asked who he was texting for hours late at night in the same room as me. One night I asked to see the messages and he blatantly showed me them with similar content to the one you saw and worse. He tried to pass it off as banter.

Weeks later he wasn't coming home from nights out, would lie about where he was going then I'd see photos of him on facebook on nights out with her and their friends when he said he was elsewhere. A checked his messages again (poor, I know but was still fuming from the ones he originally showed me) and there was more of the same.

I could never actually prove anything was going on (I think there was) but didn't want to be with someone who continued made me feel that way when I asked for their sexual 'banter' to stop.

I'm not saying there is anything sinister but if you're unhappy or feel uneasy then I'd leave him for the sake of your own sanity. It will drive you nuts.

Dump.

There’s no excuse for it. Bin him off

If he saw that you'd messaged someone saying "wow if I knew you had a dick that big I would have found you tonight!" would he think it was ok? Nah course he wouldn't.

He knows you aren't an idiot, there's no way of dressing this up as a nice thing to do / something appropriate when you're in a relationship. In case anyone says they wouldn't be bothered, that's fine - but the OP clearly is and she has a right to maintain her personal boundaries of what's cool with her in a relationship.

If you aren't happy (I wouldn't be either) with this but let it slide and stay with him, you'll soon be the recipient of a regular serving of "it was a joke, lighten up", "THIS is why I didn't tell you, coz you'd react like this" etc etc

If nothing else he's weak willed and unkind for sending that when he has a girlfriend. Bin the twat off so someone can find YOU in a fabulous outfit, make you laugh, be kind to you and have brilliant shags :)

No that message is not harmless and obviously doesn't take your relationship seriously if he's willing to say that to another woman. For your own sake and sanity lose this guy. He's not worth it and down the line you'll see that

I'd dump him for the bad grammar alone!

That would be the end for me, sorry!

Not cool. What a dick.

Ew no, get rid of him.

I don't think I can continue with him after this ...it's got my brain working overtime.
He is out tonight in town ...I'm thinking how easy he could cheat.
He is 36 too,you think he would have grown up by now.

Yuck from me, I would hate it.

If he's sending texts like that he's probably out in town looking to cheat, sorry. You deserve better, you know you do.

Would he be ok with you texting another man “I’m wearing this outfit tonight, why don’t you come out and find me?”

Doubt he would.

See @sherbitdipp you're already worrying more than you would have otherwise.

Planting the seed of a lie is so much more damaging to a relationship than people realise until they've been on the receiving end. It snowballs until it's all consuming and "the" issue in a relationship.

So tell him bye bye because you've had a think about things and you'd much rather be receiving someone else's end actually

He is 36 too,you think he would have grown up by now

Age has nothing to do with it op. He’s just scummy doing that to you

Get rid.

What a tosser.

No respect for you whatsoever. Obviously not bothered about your relationship.

You'll find a better one 🤩🤩

I think how he responds is important here. If he’s mortified and apologetic and explains who she is and that they have a mock-flirtatious relationship, it might be salvageable if that’s what you want. She might even be gay. I have a few gay friends who flirt outrageously with some opposite-sex friends and they flirt back. Everyone knows it’s performative though and no one’s upset by it.

If he says it’s nothing and you’re overreacting, it’s not a good sign. Because even if it is genuinely innocent from his perspective doubtful, but you never know, him being dismissive of your concerns is shitty. Most people would be at least uneasy if they read a message like that, especially to someone they don’t know, and he’s a liar if he says otherwise.

Op, as another poster suggested.
Don’t even bother shouting or getting emotional. He’s just not worth the energy.
His message is creepy AF