To absolutely hate this response to women wanting a baby

[cantpissinpeace]

Whether it's a woman currently without children but wanting them, or a woman with children already.

"Get a dog."

Sorry - I think it's AWFUL. And if I were MNHQ I'd ban anyone who said it. I am hard pushed to think of a more unpleasant response.

I desperately wanted a baby but I was single. So I got a dog. It was the next best thing.

Or the ‘consider the planet’ tossers.

I've had 4 dogs in my life and 4 children. They are, in my experience, not at all similar. Its a stupid thing to say.

Agree op. Its so rude. These posters should just say nothing and scroll in

People do get dogs, though. I see it in RL quite a bit. Often when the DC get older. Maybe is nurturing I guess?

So it is not just on MN. It's something I see mentioned in RL as well.

I think it's great advice. Especially for couples.. a good test of character and styles of parenting.

Not everybody likes dogs.

I do. I like dogs very much. I have a dog.

The idea that my dog and my children are comparable is still insulting as hell.

I can also tell you now which one is harder work (it isn't the kids.)

It's a ridiculous suggestion. It especially pisses me off when mothers say it. Surely if you have a child yourself you know your feelings are in no way comparable to your feelings for your dog?? Even it's an adored pet it's still totally different to how you feel for a child

I think it would be an insensitive thing to say to a woman with no children. It's not the same as having a child.

But if you have the broody feelings and your children are older I can see it helping. If you like dogs!

That's an awful thing to say

It’s exceptionally patronising and condescending. As if getting a dog is a cure and the illness is wanting a child.
I have two house cats and bloody hell they are so much more work than my 4 year old, she doesn’t piss on the carpet when she is annoyed at me!

This was told to me by a mum during the worst of my IVF struggles. As I’m a bitch I instantly came back with ‘with kids like yours no wonder you think animals are better - but I’d rather have an actual child thanks.’ She was furious but I was more so and said a few more home truths and we haven’t talked since - it felt so good to have her out of my life.

Bad to say it to someone trying for a baby who can't

Maybe not so bad for people with several children already aho just keep feeling broody

I’ve just read the thread you probably read before you made this. Some quote harsh replies and either they didn’t understand what she was feeling or they just want any excuse to be a twat.

Quite not quote

I heard it LOADS during years of infertility.

I don't think people realise how upsetting it is. I think in some cases it's intended to be. The inference is "you are immature / incapable / couldn't raise a child, therefore have a pet."

But even when the intention isn't to cause upset - like the "why don't you try fostering" suggestions anyone who has tried for a baby over a period spanning several months will be familiar with - it does. It minimises your feelings. It implies that the desperation for a child can be "cured" by a dog.

I think saying caring for dogs is harder work than caring for children is a spectacularly stupid thing to say.

It’s the same as telling women to adopt when they struggle with infertility (yes, DMiL, I’m talking to you) because there are plenty of healthy newborns out there just waiting for adoptive homes!! It’s both patronising and incredibly insensitive to the struggle women can go through to have a family let alone minimising the complex journey that adoption is in it’s own right!!

User I would love to have many children. I don't, because the impact on the ones I already have would be negative. I can't pretend I understand the people who say there is " a person missing" but I suppose I don't have to understand it.

Getting a dog is not a replacement for having a child. Whether the person has two children, three, six. End of.

Apart from anything else, if Mumsnet is to be believed, the search for the perfect dog should take years anyway.

Depends. A young woman with no children - insensitive. An older woman already with children - ok.

And if I were MNHQ I'd ban anyone who said it

Glad you’re not MNHQ then.

Maybe it's just my dog Loves but in my case, it is true. 100% true. And as such it isn't stupid.

My children can be taken to just about anywhere barring obvious places like films unsuitable for them. My dog cannot. If we want a day out we bundle the kids in the car and are away, ditto holidays. Not the dog.

Organising daycare for my children was easy, albeit ruinously expensive. Organising daycare for the dog was a nightmare.

My children don't wake the whole house at 3 because they saw a badger

I was thinking the same thing lovestonap. Easy to say, but ridiculous in reality.

And if I were MNHQ I'd ban anyone who said it. bit harsh, especially coming from someone already breaking the rule of starting a thread about a thread!

People offer advice, nowhere does it say the advice has to be good. I think you’re being unfair. These people are all trying to help. Ok, so out of 100 responses, 99 may well be rubbish, but there’s always the chance that that one answer will be the helpful one.

It's a disgusting thing to say as is "save the planet" the volume of people isn't going to change the planets crisis.
People need to get a grip

I am starting a thread about HUNDREDS of threads.

Have you any idea how often this sort of crap is spouted out to women who have spent thousands of pounds and have gone through horrible and invasive medical procedures to have a child?