To absolutely hate this response to women wanting a baby

[cantpissinpeace]

Whether it's a woman currently without children but wanting them, or a woman with children already.

"Get a dog."

Sorry - I think it's AWFUL. And if I were MNHQ I'd ban anyone who said it. I am hard pushed to think of a more unpleasant response.

I hated it when people used to tell me how hard being a parent is and all the bad things when they knew I wanted them.. like yes I know it’s hard! I’ve seen it.. I’ve heard about it.. but being childless when all you have wanted is to be a mum isn’t a bundle of fun either.

I’ve just seen the thread you’re referring to OP (TAAT).
This particular OP has 3 children and her DH had a vasectomy, the suggestion of a pet in this instance is actually not a bad idea at all.

That's up there in the top three worst, Salty

"Oh yeah, kids are rubbish anyway. Listen to what I've had to do ... "

'Depends. A young woman with no children - insensitive. An older woman already with children - ok.'

I agree with this. I can imagine this would be incredibly hurtful to someone without children. I had a missed miscarriage a while ago and I'm considering getting a cat 🤷🏻‍♀️

I disagree Nosauce

I think it's stupid. Not everyone likes dogs, even people who like dogs don't necessarily like them enough to have one, because they really are a LOT of work.

I think it's a rude thing to say to someone.

But I do think there's a level of nurturing and caring that having a pet can help to satisfy. I was broody about six years ago but time wasn't right for a baby for various reasons. However, we did get a dog and that did satisfy my 'need' to care for something for a good while. But it is spectacularly insensitive to say that to people who are struggling TTC as obviously they are not the same things. But there is a logic in it.

It would be a truly horrid things to say to someone struggling TTC. I've yet to see someone recommend it under those circumstances on Mumsnet...

In terms of the thread about the Mum wanting a 4th child (and the dad not) I don't see anything particularly wrong with that response. I get everyone doesn't like dogs, but suggesting a puppy would be a nice addition to a family is hardly the crime of the century!

If the person has given the slightest indication that they even like dogs, maybe.

The other important consideration in all this is animal welfare.

"Get a puppy" on a whim never ends well. And we did get a puppy on a whim!

I was broody, but we couldn't have a baby yet (had to wait to be able to qualify for enhanced maternity pay) so we got a puppy. To me, he was and is my baby.

Thats why posters say get a dog, looking after a puppy helps the broodiness. You are caring, looking after and raising a living animal

We now have a dd, and next is another dog, not another baby.

To me they are the same, granted they aren't for everyone.

It wasn’t an order; just a suggestion. If that poster doesn’t like dogs, she is free to ignore it.

Suggesting a puppy to someone doesn’t miraculously make one appear OP.

A woman can do what she wants with that suggestion. She might disregard it or it might make her think whether it would be a good idea or not.

I know quite a few women that bought a dog when they had “empty nest syndrome” after their dc grew up or left home, some of them thought they wanted another baby or adopt. The dogs have been a god send to them, filling the void of an empty house, getting them out in the fresh air and meeting new people.

It’s not always a bad suggestion.

Having a puppy prepared me for parenthood. I had to give up my selfish lifestyle, I had endless sleepless nights and early morning Wake ups. Similar to when my dd was born.
Not that I’d ever tell anyone wanting a baby to get a dog it’s a bit rude

I did say to someone crying about her last DD leaving home to get another cat.

To be fair, she does really like cats and I realise this is not the same and, if you don't like pets, it's pretty useless as a suggestion

I got a foal instead of an extra baby - good choice for me (and kinder to the planet )

I can see why it annoys you but people having huge families actually annoys me more - shall we ban them from Mumsnet?

My dog is my forever baby! My daughter has flown the nest so it's filling a gap. Upside is more freedom than a actual baby and don't really want to 'start all over again', downside is relying on my dogsitter to fit around my social life. He is adored!

I agree OP. I hate dogs, and to suggest that one would solve my heartache if I weren’t able to have children is annoying.

I've never heard anyone say that to someone who wants kids. How bizarre.

It annoys me because dogs are a massive commitment and they deserve owners who really want to have a dog, not just something to fill a gap.

It's a vile thing to say to someone who hasn't been able to have children. When addressed to someone who already has a few kids but is addicted to having something little and dependent to care for, I think it qualifies as "tough love" . But still unfair on the dog.

@cantpissinpeace ' waking the whole house up at three because they saw a badger'
I'm actually crying at that.

Having a dog certainly fulfils my nurturing instincts to a massive degree. I think people say it from a place of kindness.

I had this from a 'friend' after my 4th miscarriage. You're right OP. It isn't appropriate at all.

FWIW the only time I ever say anything remotely like this is when people going through infertility have said they are considering it to help them get through and I've seen quite a few threads like this where the OP has brought it up themselves.

In that case, I will tell them that I actually did get a dog and he has helped me massively. It's not the same as a child (which I still don't have, 6 miscarriages later) but in terms of my mental health, he's been the best decision I've made and a little bit of light in this whole shit show! It was the first time I'd laughed, smiled, left the house and been genuinely happy through this whole thing.

So yes, he's not a child, he doesn't compare to someone's child and I'd never suggest that he does, but he's important as hell to me and I'd be lying if I said he didn't genuinely help me.

It won't work for everyone I imagine and no point if you don't like dogs of course!

During the teenage years you might prefer the dog some days.

I suggested, many years back now, that we get a pet - a cat actually. His response was he'd rather look after a baby than a cat. We never did get a pet back then, we do have a child though.

A dog is, imo, not a child substitute for me. I really don't want a dog and do get a little bemused by the way some people treat their pets, mainly dogs, as baby substitutes. I'm sure they don't really realise their doing it, but I do know a couple of people who really do - the way they are with them, the way they talk about them, etc.

There are so many options for living a purposeful and joyful life that going into a permanent sulk because one of them happens to be unavailable to you is disproportionate

Telling someone suffering with infertility to get a life and stop sulking because something didn't happen to you is about as helpful as telling them to get a dog. HTH.