DH telling me to stop being "sassy"

[Nicolbolas]

Sometimes, when I express a dislike for something, or when DH and I bicker, he tells me to 'stop being sassy'. AIBU to find this annoying, and even mildly offensive? DH thinks I'm overreacting.

It depends does he mean "sassy" if you express a different opinion or if you deliver it with eye rolling etc? If the first it would make me angry

Have you actually asked him to define what he means by 'sassy'?
I doubt it'll match with the dictionary definition

It seems like quite a gendered remark. Would he describe a man as being "sassy"?

He says it's when I have attitude. When I asked what he meant by sassy, he described it as 'doing my tits in'. I guess it's closer to eyerolling, but it's somewhat in between 1 and 2 @EKGEMS

Have you told him to stop?

You're a grown woman, his wife and equal. I'll tell him to stop being such a patronising old bastard.

Sexist prick

@PCohle he says he uses it with male colleagues. I have never heard it said to men, or anyone over the age of 7.

Grr I'd reply "Yes Father" and see what reaction he has then

Fucking hell, if dh told me to stop being sassy, I think I'd have to seriously restrain myself.

Yanbu, he sounds like a sexist prick. Along with men who describe women as feisty.

I know it's used in other contexts but when I hear the word "sassy" I think of parent moms using it when their kid is being a brat. It seems like he's infantilising you a bit I'd be really pissed off.

@AnneLovesGilbert I have. He said I haven't provided him with a suitable alternative word and then suggested 'bossy'. When I said that bossy isn't any better, he told me to stop making everything into a feminist warzone.

Woman, know your place!

In your position, my place might well be having to be restrained! That would make me very angry indeed.

"he told me to stop making everything into a feminist warzone."

oh dear. that spells divorce to me.

Sounds like you're married to a sexist American.

I really can't believe he's used the word 'sassy' with male colleagues.
It's a word that is virtually exclusively used to describe behaviour by a woman, and not always positively, although I think it does have a wonderfully powerful meaning, 'I don't give a flying f* about what you think of me' with a bit of sexiness thrown in for good measure.

As for your DH - well he just doesn't like you disagreeing with him. The question is - how do you feel about him trying to control you like that? Me - I wouldn't put up with anyone calling me 'sassy' in a negative way

“Fuck off you old cunt” as a reply? Might stop him in his tracks.

Oh gosh DD10 has taken a liking to this word atm! Apparently when other girls at school show off they are being sassy

Sassy, feisty, bossy - all only used i relation to women, and all come from the same source: Women shouldn’t hold strong opinions, or boundaries, or be assertive or speak up about their wants, needs or expectations. In other words: woman, know your place.

I’d be pissed off.

Yes’m sassy can have positive connotations, especially amongst women. But not when it’s used this way in this context, by a man to a woman.

He's suggested that I am being controlling for trying to dictate what words he gets to use

He's saying it to undermine you during a disagreement. If you're being "sassy" then by implication you are not discussing things in a mature or productive manner. It assigns you "child" status and him "adult" status.

This just comes across as extremely sexist to me and I've never heard this used by a man to another man.

I'd be stern about asking him to stop.

I thought sassy was an American word for children who talk back to or are rude/sarcastic to adults?

So I just looked it up and the dictionary.com definition is "impertinent; insolent; saucy".

I don't see how two married adults can be impertinent to one another. That suggests that one is in authority over the other. He either doesn't understand what the word means, or has deeply flawed views about equality in marriage.

Does the sassy girl need her panties pulling down and spanked into submission as a punishment for disagreeing with her better?