DH telling me to stop being "sassy"

[Nicolbolas]

Sometimes, when I express a dislike for something, or when DH and I bicker, he tells me to 'stop being sassy'. AIBU to find this annoying, and even mildly offensive? DH thinks I'm overreacting.

But it's fun to be sassy. Does he know what it means? Direct him here:

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php%3fterm=Sassy&amp=true

Oh ffs this autocorrect gets on my tits!! Fancy correcting yes to yes’m. Every single fucking time! Usually I catch it...

I told DH that he should replace the word Bitch with “woman with an opinion “ every time he heard it or felt the need to use it
He stopped

So he sees you as a child that needs telling off?

@Ninkaninus

If you click and hold the word as it pops up where the predicted words show, can you remove it from predictions? That worked for me.

I'd be sassy and file for divorce

he told me to stop making everything into a feminist warzone

I can see his point! If he says it while you're bickering... what do you want him to say instead? You're doing something he doesn't like, he's responding with something you don't like. Six of one, half a dozen of the other 🤷🏼‍♀️

Does your husband have any redeeming features?

I couldn't bear to have sex with a man who spoke to me like that.

It's all about him reinforcing the idea that he is your boss/owner/parent. Have a think about how he treats you generally, and about whether you want to stay in this relationship. If he's basically OK, just laugh at him whenever he tries laying down the law.

"By calling me sassy you're being a pompous arse" might help. My husband hates being called pompous and it's actually quite hard to come back on without sounding ... even more pompous which I also point out

My husband doesn't call me sassy but he does talk down to me sometimes and I've got very quick at squashing it!

Another thing you could try is adopting it yourself. This works with my teen (he quickly stopped calling me fam and bruv when I started it too). Next time you're bickering get in there first by referring to him as sassy, bossy etc. Let's face it by telling you what you can and can't be, he is being bossy! Let him have a taste of his own medicine.

Yes, he has lots of redeeming features . The words thing though, he just doesn't understand. He also thinks the word 'halfcast' is perfectly acceptable for example.

Eurgh! That's really not good, is it?

He is treating you as a child, to be corrected, guided.. patronising bollocks!

Just tell him his choice of words make your partnership into a "Feminist Warzone" because he is a patronising fuckwit and needs to reconsider his totally unfounded superiority complex!

Ooh! honeylulu yes!

Pompous that is a far better way to get through to him, if you still actually like him!

He's doesn't understand? I bet he does, he must be pretty stupid otherwise.

My husband is crap with words, but if I were to tell him that a word upsets and offends me, and showed him the dictionary definition, he would stop.

I describe one of my goddaughters as sassy. She is smart, bright, intelligent, expresses opinions and is not afraid to take charge. It is a huge compliment and encouragement from a middle aged woman to a 10 year old girl. Does your DH see those qualities as positive in you?

I would take being described as 'sassy' as a compliment too. Your DH I could think of other words for.

When I said that bossy isn't any better, he told me to stop making everything into a feminist warzone.

There's a certain type of men who are very threatened about feminism, and like to ridicule it and use it in a derisory way with their partner, particularly when arguing. It's actually misogynistic and used to control, although they will deny it totally in their calmer time.

Is your husband one of these? If so, you have a huge problem, that probably won't go away.

There's a certain type of men who are very threatened about feminism, and like to ridicule it and use it in a derisory way with their partner

Yes ... I agree with this. Are you married to Carl Benjamin, OP?

Are you annoyed by the word choice or by the fact you think he's saying you don't have the right to disagree with him?

He also thinks the word 'halfcast' is perfectly acceptable for example.

I've just seen this. Your husband is also ignorant, arrogant and offensive.
I would be so embarassed to be married to someone who held these views and used these terms.

Join in the name calling. Use the same words back at him- obviously they are fine, as he uses them.

He sounds like a Gog to me- grumpy ol' git.

'Stop being pedantic'
Don't be so petty
You're being patronising.

All would work.

Tell him to stop being childish.

And if he uses "half caste", tell him to stop being a racist bigot.

That would piss me off - very childlike. Call him sassy a few times and see how he likes it.

Speechless at 'halfcast'...offensive beyond words.

Sassy means you are behaving inappropriately as though you are equal to him which means he clearly thinks that you are not and have no right to be.

If you tell him you find it offensie then you are not controlling which wods he can use. He can still choose to use it knowing you find it offensive. If he does, then you know he doesn't care about offending you. His choice.